subtextual T-rex noises

C: Apparently I was nicknamed 'Sunshine' when I was a little kid. Can you see that?
J: Not unless you caused cancer.

D: Have you seen Dexter?
C: Yeah, a few episodes.
D: Did you like it?
C: He's too emotional.

J: See, it explodes their heads!
C: That's so cute.

D: I'm a nerd.
J: And yet I still enjoy you as a family member..no! no! I was trying not to...don't write that down!

song: "believe me when I say I fucked a mermaid."
C: How?
D: That's what I was thinking.
C: I suppose there's oral.
D: Yeah, but that's not what he's implying.
J: There are ways...
C: Tentacle sex!
D: Unless she fucks him: flipper sex!

boosh: V: "Couldn't you get a real priest?"
BF: "I didn't know how to get one."
D: Dress up as a little boy?

J: "Who took the cookie from the cookie jar?" You go around in a circle accusing each other until finally someone has enough and goes "fuck, yes, I did it!"
D: That sounds like an American torture mechanism.
J: Who put the C4 in the truck? Was it you, Abdullah?

J: Did you eat worms?
C: I threw them at people, and rocks...
D: I do that now.
J: Oh, that's why I wake up with bait in my bed.

J: Creepy piano man is the only one who understands me.

C: You killed everything.
J: Oh, ok. As usual.
D: Wait, isn't that your job?
C: Outsourcing?
D: Gotta share the wealth. We're a communist murder society.

J: I love that the first result is still Hitler.

MW: What is the texture of brains, anyway?
U: Kinda like tofu.

MW: I remember I had an idea for a Hallowe'en costume. Like, a nun on top and a prostitute on the bottom.
U: Tht would be, yeah...
D: Strangely accurate.

D: I remember for one bet, one of them had to dress up as a sheep and get humped by a dog.
MW: That doesn't sound like fun to me.

D: Yeah, we were walking the other day and some guys started saying something and she gave them the finger.
U: What did they say?
D: I think it was something like "hello."

(on the ghost in the machine)
C: You're not special. Chemicals are special.

A: You should be a cranioklept.
C: I should.
A: That would be an awesome thing to put on your resume: cranioklept.
C: We should start a club.
A: The cranioklepty club!
C: Instead of movie nights, we could go graverobbing.
A: It would be so much fun!!
C: We already have J*** to provide the forensic expertise.
A: It would be very illegal, but very fun!
C: We could make decorations and things.
A: It would be like black and lamps and stuff - like Harry Potter but so much cooler. So much cooler.

A: Oh my god, there's going to be a bomb today!
C: I need my t-shirt.
A: Let me get my shirt on!

A: Some people take that the wrong way. It's like the way I think fluffy things are cute or kitty cats.
C: You're not attracted to kitty cats.
A: No.
C: Despite your pedophile comment.

A: I'm having the weirdest dreams now. Something about a totalitarian society...
C: Awesome.
A: Something about talking to a carrot. Something about someone telling me the carrot was giving bad advice. In the dream I trusted the carrot. He seemed pretty reasonable.

C: I don't feel like squirting water out of an animal's behind at people. We all have a line...

A: I was like "usually I enjoy propaganda, but this was way to in my face..." I started drawing this triangle on a journey through space and he met this hairy caterpillar who strangled it with his mind. I called it "The Hairy Caterpillar and the Fifty-Eight Thieves." The emotionless triangle: really just an inanimate object, floating through space and strangled by a caterpillar. I feel so sorry for the emotionaless triangle. I mean, who wants to be inanimate? So sad. This little triangle floating through space and there's this huge toothy caterpillar. I mean, what is this thing? What a travesty!! I mean look at this triangle. It's lines aren't even straight. Look at it, the poor darling. It can't fit into triangle society, and that's why it went on its journey into space. The poor sexually confused triangle. Poor darling.
C: I love your brain. I really, really do.
A: I don't even know. I just don't even know. I don't even know. Do you think I know what goes on up there? I have no entry point.

C: Ohmygod, that's creepy.
A: It's like it's naked. It's dead.
C: It's a naked dead body. We should go all CSI on it.
A: And that's its lifeblood.
C: Oh no!
A: It came off!
C: It's like cranioklepty.
A: We could be the cranioklepts of pens! We could be like the morticians in Stationary Village.

A: I don't think they'd like me as a mortician. I'd be too..
C: Happy.
A: I'd be like LA LA LA hacking at them..."oh sorry, I went a little too feisty with your friend's corpse."

A: I can turn the light on if you want. I know you're like Harry Potter without the phallic symbolism, but...
C: I'm good.

J: Today I handed out bus passes to a guy who looked like Starburns. He even had star-shaped sideburns.

A: I would never steal your Guinessness. I have never done that before.
J: But I'm paranoid about my Guinessness. Especially since you started calling it my Guinessness.
MS: Guinessi?
J: I like that. Guinessi.
MS: Did I just make it in the notebook?

A: It's like the table's bicycle.
J: That doesn't work. No one wants to ride your beer.
P: Speak for yourself.
J: P**, what have I told you? What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

A: He doesn't seem weaselly to me. There are more weaselly people. Like weasels.
C: I don't think they're people.
T: Weasel people.

J: Why do I have to listen to you again?
A: Because I can kill you.
J: Seriously? I a diabetic toddler could kill me.
A: No, I could send C** to kill you.
J: I have realised that my death at C**'s hands is inevitable so it no longer scares me.

J: I think that's the only time someone's got a standing ovation for standing up.
MS: J** is so awesome he's getting a standing ovation for going to the washroom.
CC: Before, not after.

J: Oh great, it's like a projectile vomit of hatred.
A: Yes. Cheers.

CC: I saw Tits the other day. We had a good conversation. We talked about you...

C: It's your party; take the pickle.

J: Unless you want to see my face a bloody mangled mess...
C: Are you sure you want to phrase it that way?
J: Unless you want to see me lying in the gutter, crying...
C: Are you sure you want to phrase it that way?
J: Unless you want to get us kicked out of the bar...

CC: So now do you understand why I was like "we need to leave now."
MS: I just thought you didn't want to lose the reservation...actually, O** called me before and told me the whole thing.

J: You're like a red-headed unicorn of hatred.
A: It's my hair tentacle.

A: Yeah, we can go to Hollywood and get headshots!
J: Wow, you and I think of really different things when we hear the word "headshot."

A: This is the best kind of friends you can have. You can make dying T-rex noises and no one notices. It's true...everyone else is making subtextual T-rex noises.

CC: J**, it's all your fault!
J: A**'s secret children is my fault?
...
J: I don't even remember it.
CC: It was that good. Or that fast, I dunno.
...
C: Why do you have secret children?
J: That's what I want to know.
A: I just do.
C: Are they going to be minions or just entertainment?
A: Dunno. Could be clowns. Could be mice. Dunno.
C: They're going to feed your cats?
J: And I thought I was drunk...
A: Clowns, mice, an inanimate piece of toast...

BEER KARMA

A: I feel like the Allies liberating Europe.
C: Why?
A: Because we're liberating the alcohol.

A: I have a tendency to talk about incest with them. Oh well. I don't mind.
C: I'm not threatened.

J: Well, I knew half of it, but I don't know much about women, so I didn't..
C: I didn't notice either...

M: You should make out.
P: What do you think this is, your birthday?
M: Wait, I can make people make out on my birthday?

J: I know they don't have door knobs in Australia..
A: I live in Star Trek land now. They just open for me.
J: But you know what opens them? Poisonous snakes.
A: Is that what happened in Star Trk? Oh no, poor Spock, oh my god!!

A: True enough, young Paduan.
J: "True enough, young Paduan"?
A: Shut up; no one was supposed to hear that!

A: If I had a fucking fuck card
CC: Who would you use it towards?

J: She accidentally hit me in the nuts.
A: I didn't notice.
J: Which is even more emasculating.
MS: it happens.

MS: He's talking up a chick.
J: That sounds like P**.
MS: No, the chick's a dude.
J: That sounds like P**.
MS: He's got the ice.

C: You're such an INFP. "I want to be as free as the wind!"
A: "And then I got lazy."

To know of the notebook is to be part of the notebook

A: I don't know how to pat a dog. I automatically go for, like, the kitty parts.

A: I always had staring competitions with my cat. And I always won because she didn't have a good attention span.

D: I had this friend whose dog , every time she saw me, she just started barking and barking...
J: That's because she knew you're Satan.
D (growly voice attempt): What are you talking about?
J: I said Satan, not Kermit the Frog.

D: That's for my S&M.
A: That's quite a specific scenario.
J: Christmas S&M....deck the halls with ballbags of holly.
D: 'Tis the season to be jolly.
C: Don we now our gay apparel....

Captain Bleach and the Suicide Aftermath.

H: I wonder if they do that in real life. It's like, someone bumps into them on the street, they fall over, go all....you're like "soccer player."
C: It reminds me of Hamish Blake's "Does crying get you man love?"
Video

A: And he's(Spock) being all logical and I'm like "you're so cute!"
C: I'm pretty sure he wouldn't appreciate that reaction.
A: I'm pretty sure he wouldn't. He'd be like "what?" and raise one eyebrow...
C: He'd tell you you were being illogical.
A: And he'd be like, "Your feelings are illogical, A***." and I'd be like "Yes!!! *giggles* Say it again!"

A: I do! You've discovered new insight into my character. My "character." Well. The way you drink tea or coffee says important things about someone who drinks as much as I do.
C: Yes, just the way you insert a needle tells a lot about a heroin addict.

A: I could play solitaire because that's all I know how to do.
C: You could invent your own tarot cards.
J: Ok, if you invented your own tarot cards, every card would be death.
A: But there would be many different ways to die.
J: Yes, always because your soul is leaving your body because C**** killed you.
C: Your limbs leaving your body, your blood leaving your body...a veritable buffet of options.

J: I can't take aspirin because I have bleedy blood. And no, you can't test this. That smile tells me all I need to know.

J: They're special.
A: So you pet me on the head.
J: I can't pat them on the head - they'd rip off my head.
A: But I can wreap reek, wrea, reap, wreak...
J: But I have a bridge full of fear!

S: They have a pedicure in Japan where they have a kind of fish - I forget what kind, not pirhanas - but they eat away the dead skin...

Muffins gone wild.

J: Our family came on the Mayflower.
D: Quite literally.
A: The poor Mayflower.
S: The whole family?

UNITY THROUGH TETANUS

GIANT SWIZZLESTICKS OF DOOM

A: By the by, you do know of the werewolves, right? LA LA LA

A: I feel like I have an audience here. Like I'm on display.
S: I prefer to think of it as a wall of judgement.

C: I want a demon.
A: What?
C: A demon.
S: What?
C&A: Demon.
A: I head "a Dean." I was like, ok...
S: I heard "I want to die." I was like, keep it to yourself, C**...

C: See, I would just be tempted to do something that makes you look ridiculous rather than something that furthered my evil plans.
J: This is me. I already look ridiculous.
C: But think how much more ridiculous you would look with a tentacle growing out of your forehead, poking your nose and eyes.
J: I could be popular with Japanese girls.
T: Looking for some head.
J: And then I wouldn't have a complex from tentacle sex anymore!
C: I'll save your lovelife by implanting a tentacle in your forehead!!
J: Why aren't you writing this down?

D: Why would I be cold? What with all the ice and air conditioning and water...
C: Damp.
D: We prefer the term "wet."
C: Ok....
J: D**, how's the foot in mouth disease coming?
D: Great. Badly.

D: Thankfully, I learnt not to eat when I was in Europe.
J: I learnt not to eat when you were in Europe too.

C: Hockey just isn't the same without constant sexual innuendo.
D: Then again, D** has been giving it to us all...oh god.
D: I wish I could phase shift to another dimension right now.

D&J: To know of the notebook is to be part of the notebook.

C: A superpower of contagion thing?
J: There was already a supervillain with that power. They called her Typhoid Mary....could have been more original though.
D: AIDS Jane?

A: It smells of you though. It should have my scent. It should smell like me.

A: My world is orange! I see the light!
D: You should punch it.
A: Hmmmm, maybe you're right. Maybe I should punch the light....oooh, there's a button in here....

J: Congratulations, A***, you're a sleep lesbian.
A: No, I consider myself sleep-bicurious. I'm not fully graduated to lesbianism yet.

A: Fuck me, why did I just do that?
C: What?
A: I licked my arm. It tasted like soap...I was like laughing and giggling yesterday and for some reason I kissed my hand. There's like this moment where you step back and are like "what the fuck am I doing?"

A: What is the purpose of having weirdness if not to share it with everyone so they can mock you?

A: I have flashes of...
C: Competence?
A: Yeah, I wasn't sure what to call it...
C: It's so unfamiliar...

S: There must have been so much fake laughter in Nazi Germany.
A: Like, ahahahaha. Hahaha Hitler. That's so funny Hitler...