I was the first lolcat.

T: And there are the hospital visitation rights and, well, to get around them they were saying they should become a corporation.
A: Become a corporation? I would support polygamy if they made it a corporation.

S: I would make so many Simpsons references if I worked in a power plant.

T: Althought apparently when we had a campaign to see what would improve the power plant, about 500 people suggested a monorail.

A: It was auto-erotic asphyxiation.
T: You'd think at his age he would be smoother.
S: You would think he would have a spotter or something.
A: Be like, phone up: "hey you: spot me!"
C: That's like the worst booty-call ever.

MW: So how are you and D? Sparks still flying?
A: Too much.
U: Oooh, I want to hear about that.

C: ...necrophiliac.
S: It only counts if they move.

S: (on Laura Secord); The Heritage minute really confused me because I was like "how does this relate to ice cream?"

A: (on Obama) And I realised I was only like a block away! I could have seen him! And I decided not to go!
MW: You could have flashed him.
A: I could have flashed him!!

A: I don't like hobbits.
U: Yeah, especially in the bathroom.

C: Jack the Ripper would have liked you.
A: That's really good for my self-esteem.
C: You can hug it to yourself: "Jack the Ripper would have found me desirable!"

D: I would so do that to Jesus.
A: Poke! Be like, do they go right through?

J: You're like a mix between Cthulhu and a vacuum cleaner.
A: Oh look at you! You're a sweety pie!

A: I am out of animal love practice.

J: So remember how I was telling you my cat would sleep on my face? Well, I put a pillow on my face to block out light and Molly ran up and sat on it.
A: This is why you need your lame farm of sheep and bunnies.

C: A girl has needs.
A: Animals and fictional characters.

A: Asymmetrical disfigured cutie!!!

G: You could have warned me.
T: I don't like warning people.
D: "By the way, you're pregnant!"
G: You could have told me, before I started drinking.
T: After.
An: Are you pregnant?
G: No...are you calling me fat?

G: Oh ugh, I touched D's boxers.
T: So did I.
C: That makes three of us,
D: Four with me. An, you must be feeling left out right now.
An: I feel just fine, actually.
T: Better than fine.

D: I don't understand how I cut my ear when shaving.
An: I can't understand why you shaved your ear.

M: Where did D go?
T: Washroom probably.
M: Seems like the kind of thing he'd do.
T: Chronic masturbator.
M: Irritable bowel.

JC: Seriously. What makes you think I am suave enough to get herpes in Vegas?

JF: Have you ever looked at an ankle for a really long time? It's surprisingly erotic.
TV: I don't think staring at an ankle will change my orientation.
C: So stare at a guy's anke.
D: Once you go ankle, you never go back.

TV: But they don't sell tickets to watch people be killed by burning though.
C: I'd go.

TV: Then it's part of our heritage to go to witch-burnings too.
C: I'd go.
S: You'd be the witch.
A: I was going to say...

J: Darkling Duck the pedophile?
D&A: Uhmmm..
JF:I love how the answer wasn't exactly no.

JF: Wouldn't you insure your ass for several million dollars if you could?
D: No.
C: What would you insure, if you could?
D: Probably my penis; not gonna lie.

A: I feel like in another life, I was a lolcat. I was the first lolcat.

T: You are familiar with God, A?
A: We had a threesome. You know how it is. He was getting too pushy; he wanted a son and I was like 'no!'
T: Did he watch you everywhere?
A: Creepy!

S: Technically you're a piece of God.
C: So basically it was like masturbation with you.
A: I feel so used!
S: Then she left you for some girl named Mary,
A: Bitch!
S: Who wasn't even a virgin.
A: Oh you know it!