O: Would you rather be a man or a woman, given the choice?
C: Woman. Out of apathy. I’m used to it. Also, it’s safer to have your genitalia on the inside.
O: My mommy likes to tell me that if she were me she’d go around naked all the time.
C: I thought that was your grandmother.
O: Both. This compliment has been passed on....eventually I’ll be teaching my bear-hatted children to be nudists.
O: I think it’s an Arabic expression or something, but she says “praise your vagina.” She’s been saying that since I was little. What a horrible thing to hear from your grandmother: “praise your darling vagina.”
O: I edited my brother’s essay the other day; he gave me whitening strips for it.
AB: ...Does he have his kidneys?
MP: Yes he does.
S: Good, that’s an important thing in first impressions. This guy has kidneys. I can trust him.
AB: I kind of wonder what it’s like running through the mountains with a dialysis machine.
O: But why would they eat the explosives?
AB: Because C4 looks like marshmallows.
O: I have to calibrate my personality over there because I sound like a cartoon character...and then I come back here and people think I’m trying to kill them.
O: I want to have babies so I can be a better cook....but that’s normal!
O: I though that it was really sad that the orphanage was making them find their own organs.
AB: ...“I have never seen a sphincter so clean and well-kept.” No, wait a minute, what’s that bone called....my one line tonight.
AB:...she’s waiting for me to put my foot in my mouth further.
CC: But what else can you say?
AB: I don’t know; apparently I have a fart pocket and I like sphincters.
AB: See, I’ve got the 45 degree rule. If it’s not in the 45 degrees from my eyes, I don’t see it. Even if I trip over it.
J: I can’t help it that I’m tall....
O: It’s like an entire sadomasochist dungeon and they don’t admit it. It’s like Italians – they’re all gay and they don’t admit it.
AB: She was like “D**, go over there and read this book while I go over there and take her shirt off...”
J: You don’t need the book!
O: ...I thought you were really reading the book!
U: I thought he was reading the book!
AB: I was. It took a lot of concentration...
AB: Very few women come back from Russia with phobias of big burly women with birch branches...
O: Well, she was very strong, so I thought I’d do what she said.
O: Actually, I really like it when you snap my underwear....why are you stopping?
S: So what are we talking about here?
MP: Massage.
S: OH. I was like, ‘you meet someone, you see what their feet feel like, then you work with that’?? Ok. Context.
J: This massage is so good, I can’t even pay attention to the lesbian action going on over there.
C: It must be like a Disney movie in your head sometimes.
O: Sometimes, people burst into song.
C: Yeah. but girls can’t just go like “hey, your bum is round I just had to grab it.”
O: I worked at Hooters!....I worked at a place where girls grabbed each other inappropriately all the time...
Saturday, March 28, 2009
March 28, 2009: The objectification of utensils
C: Stupidity should be painful.
H: Like Pinocchio...everytime he told a lie his nose grew; evertytime you say something stupid, your...ears...grow?
A: Your nose grew...god, George Bush would be like all nose.
A: The guy was like ‘the women...and the door to civilisation’...and we’re all dying...‘and the raging horses’ and what are you on guy? At one point he stopped and looked at us and was like “Should I go on?” & we’re like “yeah, yeah....”
A: And there was this picture of a spoon and this guy tried to interpret it...and we started talking about utensil porn and the objectification of utensils...
A: See, I got nothing out of Merchant of Venice and Romeo & Juliet but hatred. But then we did Macbeth and I realised how disgustingly good Shakespeare is.
S: See, I liked King Lear, but Goneril??
A&C: Gonorrhoea?
S: Yeah...
A: I’ve been abused of this notion a long time ago...
C: Disabused.
S: C***’s correcting your grammar under her breath.
A: You realise I don’t really pay attention to what about I said...wait, that wasn’t good either...
H: I was going to say I wonder if Hansel & Gretel is a statement about how cremation...
C: No, I don’t think the fact that she eats them is a statement against cremation.
A: I’m glad you said what you said, because I was going to say “ashes burn.” Of course I didn’t have to say what I was going to say. Just keep digging myself a hole.
S: And yet she keeps talking...
A: I like my mug.
C: Yes, but did you really have to sing about it?
S: You should see what she does with it in private....I only meant she sings to it. It’s your minds that went there.
H: Or Peter. Maybe I stole your powers. I’m Sylar...
S: You’d have to be Peter because she didn’t take your brain out and play with it.
C: Are you sure? Because that would explain enough.
A: Maybe that’s why my (seets?) are red, the blood’s on them
S: You’d have to be Claire to bounce back form that.
A: Hey I heal from ...I always bounce back from my injuries with pride. People make fun of me and I bounce back.
A: I feel marginalised. I feel discriminated against.
H: You feel othered.
A: I feel othered, yes; I must say that.
A: What was I supposed to do with that?
C: Decorate your face with it.
H: Figuratively.
C: No, literally.
A: No, I thought literally and then I was like how do I do this figuratively and then I said...you see how my interview went...
S: They came up with a slogan: “It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.”
C: That’s offensive.
S: Why is that offensive?
C: It offends my sense of...
A: It offends people who don’t have tongues!
S: Yeah, we always have this discussion around exams, that one of us dies and the others get out of exams.
C: I assume you’re the one who dies.
A: No...yeah....maybe...
H: I’ve never had this discussion, so I think it’s me.
A: Yeah, I think it’s me – I’ve taken on for the team a few times.
S: I’m sure I’ve asked you to put me out of my misery a few times.
A: I can tap her to death! Or maybe I can use the pointy end...
A: All the ipod can do is threaten me with threatening songs. Like, I turn it on and it goes “I want to kill you...” & I’m like “I didn’t download this song; what the hell?!”
A: I think I can.
H: You’re like the train: “I think I can I think I can.”
S: You know you can’t, you know you can’t.
C: You wish you could, you wish you could.
A: Maybe in some other universe?
S: Again, you know you can’t.
C: So what are our exciting plans for the evening?
S: God knows.
H: Does he?
S: Yes.
H: So ask him then.
S: He’s screaming.
A: You guys lost me there.
S: H*** said...
A: Oh, God! I thought you said “plants.” With the screaming....
A: And delicious.
S: For a second it sounded like you said something about a horse.
C: Yeah, it sounded like “Undah da hoss.”
S: Yeah, that’s exactly it.
A: Sometime in the German military “undah dah hoss!” like, German military term in the First World War when they still had horses in the military, before they figured out it wouldn’t work with trench warfare and all that...
H: So much thought...
A: Cake away! It could be a cake superhero! He’d be like, “Cake away!”
H: Keep talking. She’ll keep writing.
A: I’m being stubborn now. I’m not talking. Unnaturally silent...and I’m talking...
A: Cake of the future! Now I could really beat? that whole superhero....we can have a staring match.
S: I think C** would win.
A: No, I mean the cake.
S: I think it would win.
A: Yeah, it could. It doesn’t have eyes.
S: That’s what you think.
H: You’re a complete idiot....that was a bit rude
A: Oh, it’s a bit rude now? Like five minutes ago you’re like “fuck off, bitch!” – now’ you’re like “you’re an idiot.”
C: Especially the gooey part.
A: Oooey gooey.
H: That could be a song.
A: For my superhero! Gooey gooey....worst superhero ever. You’re like “gooey gooey” instead of “I’m going to fuck you up, bitch!” and then going, like, “gooey gooey.”
S: Eeeee!
A: Eeeee, yeah, when he flies. And everyone would want to eat you...
S: ...It could use fruitcake as weapons.
A: Yeah, he has like a Santa bag on his back full of fruitcake.
H: Is he missing limbs because people have eaten them?.....does he have a candle on his head?
C: What?
H: Because, he’s a cake, like...
C: Oh. ok.
A: Took a while. Yeah, that’s ok. I accept your input.
A: Aaaaah. AAAAAAH. Like a wounded dinosaur!
S: Like a wounded dinosaur.
A: You know, like growling aaaaaaaHHH.
H: You’re impressively weird this week.
A: I am impressively weird. And I’m not even trying.
H: Whose turn is it?
C: It’s A***’s. But she’s being annoying.
A: Hey, she’s the one who’s proposing to me.
S: This isn’t the Chinese restaurant.
A: Hey, it’s Canada – it could happen.
A: It’s a sign.
C: We’ve called up spirits.
A: It’s a séance. We’re in a Monopoly séance.
C: That is so lame.
A: The spirit of old capitalism...I think that it’d be scary. Adam Smith coming at you....
S: I love how she knows what a dinosaur sounds like.
A: A wounded dinosaur. With the flu, like my prof.
H: On it’s bottom. On its buttocks.
C: The CN tower doesn’t have buttocks.
A: ... and then I was like ‘oh, wait, I’m not a terrible person.’
C: Yes you are. You were corrupted by Monopoly money; how sad is that?
A: I know. I became corrupt and capitalist...
E: It said “you are such a sexy senorita” only he put (sp) because he wasn’t sure how to spell it.
E: We go every Thursday, and they’re so cute. Well, some of them stare at you and wish you were dead.
H: Like Pinocchio...everytime he told a lie his nose grew; evertytime you say something stupid, your...ears...grow?
A: Your nose grew...god, George Bush would be like all nose.
A: The guy was like ‘the women...and the door to civilisation’...and we’re all dying...‘and the raging horses’ and what are you on guy? At one point he stopped and looked at us and was like “Should I go on?” & we’re like “yeah, yeah....”
A: And there was this picture of a spoon and this guy tried to interpret it...and we started talking about utensil porn and the objectification of utensils...
A: See, I got nothing out of Merchant of Venice and Romeo & Juliet but hatred. But then we did Macbeth and I realised how disgustingly good Shakespeare is.
S: See, I liked King Lear, but Goneril??
A&C: Gonorrhoea?
S: Yeah...
A: I’ve been abused of this notion a long time ago...
C: Disabused.
S: C***’s correcting your grammar under her breath.
A: You realise I don’t really pay attention to what about I said...wait, that wasn’t good either...
H: I was going to say I wonder if Hansel & Gretel is a statement about how cremation...
C: No, I don’t think the fact that she eats them is a statement against cremation.
A: I’m glad you said what you said, because I was going to say “ashes burn.” Of course I didn’t have to say what I was going to say. Just keep digging myself a hole.
S: And yet she keeps talking...
A: I like my mug.
C: Yes, but did you really have to sing about it?
S: You should see what she does with it in private....I only meant she sings to it. It’s your minds that went there.
H: Or Peter. Maybe I stole your powers. I’m Sylar...
S: You’d have to be Peter because she didn’t take your brain out and play with it.
C: Are you sure? Because that would explain enough.
A: Maybe that’s why my (seets?) are red, the blood’s on them
S: You’d have to be Claire to bounce back form that.
A: Hey I heal from ...I always bounce back from my injuries with pride. People make fun of me and I bounce back.
A: I feel marginalised. I feel discriminated against.
H: You feel othered.
A: I feel othered, yes; I must say that.
A: What was I supposed to do with that?
C: Decorate your face with it.
H: Figuratively.
C: No, literally.
A: No, I thought literally and then I was like how do I do this figuratively and then I said...you see how my interview went...
S: They came up with a slogan: “It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.”
C: That’s offensive.
S: Why is that offensive?
C: It offends my sense of...
A: It offends people who don’t have tongues!
S: Yeah, we always have this discussion around exams, that one of us dies and the others get out of exams.
C: I assume you’re the one who dies.
A: No...yeah....maybe...
H: I’ve never had this discussion, so I think it’s me.
A: Yeah, I think it’s me – I’ve taken on for the team a few times.
S: I’m sure I’ve asked you to put me out of my misery a few times.
A: I can tap her to death! Or maybe I can use the pointy end...
A: All the ipod can do is threaten me with threatening songs. Like, I turn it on and it goes “I want to kill you...” & I’m like “I didn’t download this song; what the hell?!”
A: I think I can.
H: You’re like the train: “I think I can I think I can.”
S: You know you can’t, you know you can’t.
C: You wish you could, you wish you could.
A: Maybe in some other universe?
S: Again, you know you can’t.
C: So what are our exciting plans for the evening?
S: God knows.
H: Does he?
S: Yes.
H: So ask him then.
S: He’s screaming.
A: You guys lost me there.
S: H*** said...
A: Oh, God! I thought you said “plants.” With the screaming....
A: And delicious.
S: For a second it sounded like you said something about a horse.
C: Yeah, it sounded like “Undah da hoss.”
S: Yeah, that’s exactly it.
A: Sometime in the German military “undah dah hoss!” like, German military term in the First World War when they still had horses in the military, before they figured out it wouldn’t work with trench warfare and all that...
H: So much thought...
A: Cake away! It could be a cake superhero! He’d be like, “Cake away!”
H: Keep talking. She’ll keep writing.
A: I’m being stubborn now. I’m not talking. Unnaturally silent...and I’m talking...
A: Cake of the future! Now I could really beat? that whole superhero....we can have a staring match.
S: I think C** would win.
A: No, I mean the cake.
S: I think it would win.
A: Yeah, it could. It doesn’t have eyes.
S: That’s what you think.
H: You’re a complete idiot....that was a bit rude
A: Oh, it’s a bit rude now? Like five minutes ago you’re like “fuck off, bitch!” – now’ you’re like “you’re an idiot.”
C: Especially the gooey part.
A: Oooey gooey.
H: That could be a song.
A: For my superhero! Gooey gooey....worst superhero ever. You’re like “gooey gooey” instead of “I’m going to fuck you up, bitch!” and then going, like, “gooey gooey.”
S: Eeeee!
A: Eeeee, yeah, when he flies. And everyone would want to eat you...
S: ...It could use fruitcake as weapons.
A: Yeah, he has like a Santa bag on his back full of fruitcake.
H: Is he missing limbs because people have eaten them?.....does he have a candle on his head?
C: What?
H: Because, he’s a cake, like...
C: Oh. ok.
A: Took a while. Yeah, that’s ok. I accept your input.
A: Aaaaah. AAAAAAH. Like a wounded dinosaur!
S: Like a wounded dinosaur.
A: You know, like growling aaaaaaaHHH.
H: You’re impressively weird this week.
A: I am impressively weird. And I’m not even trying.
H: Whose turn is it?
C: It’s A***’s. But she’s being annoying.
A: Hey, she’s the one who’s proposing to me.
S: This isn’t the Chinese restaurant.
A: Hey, it’s Canada – it could happen.
A: It’s a sign.
C: We’ve called up spirits.
A: It’s a séance. We’re in a Monopoly séance.
C: That is so lame.
A: The spirit of old capitalism...I think that it’d be scary. Adam Smith coming at you....
S: I love how she knows what a dinosaur sounds like.
A: A wounded dinosaur. With the flu, like my prof.
H: On it’s bottom. On its buttocks.
C: The CN tower doesn’t have buttocks.
A: ... and then I was like ‘oh, wait, I’m not a terrible person.’
C: Yes you are. You were corrupted by Monopoly money; how sad is that?
A: I know. I became corrupt and capitalist...
E: It said “you are such a sexy senorita” only he put (sp) because he wasn’t sure how to spell it.
E: We go every Thursday, and they’re so cute. Well, some of them stare at you and wish you were dead.
March 28, 2009: sneezing is oddly pleasurable
A1: I hope I’m funnier than P***. Probably not. Just more pathetic....at least P***’s mean.
P1: I almost brushed my teeth with a razor today....it’s not funny.
P1: Sometimes it’s embarrassing to be me.
A1: I don’t think you ever get embarrassed.
P1: No, I do. I’m embarrassed almost all the time. I just act like I hate people so it doesn’t show.
A1: I feel bad for anyone who has to archaeologically dissect us and be like “why is there frog in your canola?”
S1: So canola’s not vegetarian? Did you say there was frog in it?
A1: Oh, you can’t eat it anymore.
P1: ...at first I though you were saying I can’t eat it because I’m French.
S1: Is it that really ugly one where there were a bunch of scientist guys and I left?
P1: There’s a special test to see if your boobs are sagging. There’s the pencil test, and the other one. We were in the dressing room after a hockey game and they said if you can put your nipple in your mouth...I can do the left but not the right.
P1: Nipple dexterity – is that a thing?
J3: I hope not.
A1: It’s a passion for access.
C: It’s a hatred for people.
A1: No, it’s a passion for access.
A1: Who did you talk to at the career fair?
K4: The food table. And P***.
A1: Note to self: do not feed cW*** timbits. You’re like an exotic zoo animal.
A1: it could be a cW** hireable campaign so you can have a cat. And sometimes you have to do dirty and despicable things. Like wearing makeup so you look more accessible to dumb people. I think that’s all makeup is – it makes you look like you don’t kill people, even if you do.
A1: Can you imagine someone trying to film a kitty porn? It would be like...
C: I don’t want to.
A1: I wonder what kind of props they’d have, or the music...mrow chikka mrow mrow...I’m not talking.
C: I think I should make myself stupider, so I’m not so full of hate.
A1: Can we start with the makeup?
J2: What’s a girl to do?
V. I’m naked. NAKED.
J2: ‘Does this interest you at all?’
V: L**’s like “N***’s trying to take Romania!”
A1: Is it possible that you know that librarians are on a field trip when they cluster around the globe and talk about penguins?
R2: What else is there to talk about?
S1: Why stick with someone just because they got you pregnant?
A1: It’s like sticking with someone because they gave you an STD....that was crass....
S1: You could go live with A***.
A1: It could be like polygamy but without the sex. You could clean until you have a seizure or something, and then I suppose you could do the sex.
P1: It’s weird, because sneezing is oddly pleasurable, but...
A1: It’s kind of anticlimactic if you’re expecting to cum...
P1: You just can’t resist touching me...there’s a lot of people in this school who can’t stop touching me.
C: Sheer animal magnetism.
P1: Yeah, I just wish they’d stop touching me with their fists.
P1: I almost brushed my teeth with a razor today....it’s not funny.
P1: Sometimes it’s embarrassing to be me.
A1: I don’t think you ever get embarrassed.
P1: No, I do. I’m embarrassed almost all the time. I just act like I hate people so it doesn’t show.
A1: I feel bad for anyone who has to archaeologically dissect us and be like “why is there frog in your canola?”
S1: So canola’s not vegetarian? Did you say there was frog in it?
A1: Oh, you can’t eat it anymore.
P1: ...at first I though you were saying I can’t eat it because I’m French.
S1: Is it that really ugly one where there were a bunch of scientist guys and I left?
P1: There’s a special test to see if your boobs are sagging. There’s the pencil test, and the other one. We were in the dressing room after a hockey game and they said if you can put your nipple in your mouth...I can do the left but not the right.
P1: Nipple dexterity – is that a thing?
J3: I hope not.
A1: It’s a passion for access.
C: It’s a hatred for people.
A1: No, it’s a passion for access.
A1: Who did you talk to at the career fair?
K4: The food table. And P***.
A1: Note to self: do not feed cW*** timbits. You’re like an exotic zoo animal.
A1: it could be a cW** hireable campaign so you can have a cat. And sometimes you have to do dirty and despicable things. Like wearing makeup so you look more accessible to dumb people. I think that’s all makeup is – it makes you look like you don’t kill people, even if you do.
A1: Can you imagine someone trying to film a kitty porn? It would be like...
C: I don’t want to.
A1: I wonder what kind of props they’d have, or the music...mrow chikka mrow mrow...I’m not talking.
C: I think I should make myself stupider, so I’m not so full of hate.
A1: Can we start with the makeup?
J2: What’s a girl to do?
V. I’m naked. NAKED.
J2: ‘Does this interest you at all?’
V: L**’s like “N***’s trying to take Romania!”
A1: Is it possible that you know that librarians are on a field trip when they cluster around the globe and talk about penguins?
R2: What else is there to talk about?
S1: Why stick with someone just because they got you pregnant?
A1: It’s like sticking with someone because they gave you an STD....that was crass....
S1: You could go live with A***.
A1: It could be like polygamy but without the sex. You could clean until you have a seizure or something, and then I suppose you could do the sex.
P1: It’s weird, because sneezing is oddly pleasurable, but...
A1: It’s kind of anticlimactic if you’re expecting to cum...
P1: You just can’t resist touching me...there’s a lot of people in this school who can’t stop touching me.
C: Sheer animal magnetism.
P1: Yeah, I just wish they’d stop touching me with their fists.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
March 4, 2009: I think that metaphor was a bit laboured
V. Totally.
A1: ‘I’m mad at you. I’m going to pee on your clothes.’
J1: There’s like this warmup – I can’t do it – where you like move your ass... I just watch her ass for five minutes and try to replicate it.
A1: I love dumping boyfriends. It’s like, ‘Suffer and burn!’
M1: You can make lots of money as a pro golfer.
P1: You can make a lot of money whoring yourself out too.
C: That’s the example I was going to use too...
P1: We’re more alike than you’d like to think, C***
M1: But you’d have more self-respect if you were a pro golfer.
C: No.
P1: I wouldn’t.
A1: ...but I’m not sure if my husband would like that. Unless it were some kind of polygamy thing, only you wouldn’t sleep with him...
C: I could write down what he says too...
A1: I’m not sure O*** would go for that. He’d be like “I just wanted another dog.” But C** could like cook...maybe...no.
C: I make some great stir-fried cabbage...
A1: I kinda feel that polygamy’s not such a bad deal, though, because it’s like someone else who cares about housework. Which is why you wouldn’t be a good candidate. But if a neat freak wanted to marry me and my husband, like ‘yeah baby – I’ll cook, you clean, he farts...’ The romance is gone...
A1: I’m pretty sure most faces look like constipated squirrels – they do. It’s like, ‘are you angry, or do you just have to poo?’
Q: See the burnt koala getting water from the man.
C: Cute.
A1: Think of all the burnt dead ones.
S1: I think Heroin Mouse should look more like Amy Winehouse.
A1: When you are my pet, I will name you Xenophus.
S1: Notice how mushrooms weren’t on that thing. So mushrooms are ok.
O: Micro organisms taste lovely.
K4: That’s a put down. You’re not supposed to use put-downs. You’re supposed to use appreciations.
P1: You’ve taught elementary school, haven’t you?
K4: Yes, yes I have.
A1: It’s like taking multivitamins. You gotta get a good guy.
.K4: I think that metaphor was a bit laboured.
K4: Least glamourous death ever. Hacked to death by a library assignment.
A1: Found with her reference assignment in her neck...
K4: I think you could be fleshed out a bit.
A4: Like a pap smear?
K4: What?!?
A1: You know, one of those routine healthy things...
A1: In the future, I will come up with the perfect metaphor. And I will turn into a purple my little pony with sparkles, that smells like strawberries.
A1: C***, I’m not sure how I would stay entertained if you weren’t here laughing at me.
C: Glad to help.
A1: I’m so much funnier when you’re making fun of me. Who knew?
A1: ...Oh, my leadership paper...
C: How did that go?
A1: I was so sincere, I almost threw up.
A1: Thank you. It was a nice compliment. I just thought I’d trash it.
A1: I think I could spend days smelling my hair.
C: That’s nice.
A1: It’s a shame, because I think without all the vanity, I could be smart.
A1: My mum says that training men is like training killer whales.
C: Why?
A1: Because it’s all about positive reinforcement. You ignore the bad and focus on the good. Because how can you get a two-ton killer whale to jump through hoops for you without fish snacks?
A1: (on her wedding) It was the best day in my entire life – well, maybe not the best because I like canoe trips, but I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
C: And I got frozen spinach. It gives variety – not as much as a pap smear, but...
A1: You know you can get those for free? Because it’s Canada. You can be like “nobody’s touched me down there in a long time – can you just scrape something?’
A1: You know it’s bad if a pap smear is the high point of your week...
A1: So she got pregnant and the girl with the headache is communing with the foetus. It’s like you and Chucky.
A1: She was like “I just have to ask – are you carrying?” ...and I said “no, I just eat.”
C:...I can’t say I’ve ever actually gotten that...
A1: And you have a growth. Unfair.
A1: I think this one is you with the headache and the birds and the foetal communing.
A1: If you see any Calibri, eradicate it. Just kill it.
C: I do hate Calibri.
A1: It’s like zebra mussels in the Great Lakes. It just spreads...
A1: I think some men jut really make you want to have babies. You see them and you’re like “must...regenerate...species.”
A1: I think I just gained a pound.
C: Shit it out later; you’ll be fine.
A1: C** on biological functions...
A1: Sometimes I think I should be a troll. You know?
P1: Does Sean Connery have sex with some hussy in a library in this?
Q: No, but Christian Slater does – wanna see?
Q: Does that make you bride of Chucky?
A1: No...
C: I haven’t even given birth to him yet – how can I marry him?
A1: My sense is that he’ll marry a cat. And then be ingested by it.
K4: Have you guys heard of the Fem Defence?...it’s like a tampon, but with a spike on the end. So, if you’re going down a dark alley and you have some trouble...
C: That’s disgusting.
K4: There’s another one that looks like a claw!
A1: It turns your vagina into a deathtrap for penises. That’s cute.
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