V. Totally.
A1: ‘I’m mad at you. I’m going to pee on your clothes.’
J1: There’s like this warmup – I can’t do it – where you like move your ass... I just watch her ass for five minutes and try to replicate it.
A1: I love dumping boyfriends. It’s like, ‘Suffer and burn!’
M1: You can make lots of money as a pro golfer.
P1: You can make a lot of money whoring yourself out too.
C: That’s the example I was going to use too...
P1: We’re more alike than you’d like to think, C***
M1: But you’d have more self-respect if you were a pro golfer.
C: No.
P1: I wouldn’t.
A1: ...but I’m not sure if my husband would like that. Unless it were some kind of polygamy thing, only you wouldn’t sleep with him...
C: I could write down what he says too...
A1: I’m not sure O*** would go for that. He’d be like “I just wanted another dog.” But C** could like cook...maybe...no.
C: I make some great stir-fried cabbage...
A1: I kinda feel that polygamy’s not such a bad deal, though, because it’s like someone else who cares about housework. Which is why you wouldn’t be a good candidate. But if a neat freak wanted to marry me and my husband, like ‘yeah baby – I’ll cook, you clean, he farts...’ The romance is gone...
A1: I’m pretty sure most faces look like constipated squirrels – they do. It’s like, ‘are you angry, or do you just have to poo?’
Q: See the burnt koala getting water from the man.
C: Cute.
A1: Think of all the burnt dead ones.
S1: I think Heroin Mouse should look more like Amy Winehouse.
A1: When you are my pet, I will name you Xenophus.
S1: Notice how mushrooms weren’t on that thing. So mushrooms are ok.
O: Micro organisms taste lovely.
K4: That’s a put down. You’re not supposed to use put-downs. You’re supposed to use appreciations.
P1: You’ve taught elementary school, haven’t you?
K4: Yes, yes I have.
A1: It’s like taking multivitamins. You gotta get a good guy.
.K4: I think that metaphor was a bit laboured.
K4: Least glamourous death ever. Hacked to death by a library assignment.
A1: Found with her reference assignment in her neck...
K4: I think you could be fleshed out a bit.
A4: Like a pap smear?
K4: What?!?
A1: You know, one of those routine healthy things...
A1: In the future, I will come up with the perfect metaphor. And I will turn into a purple my little pony with sparkles, that smells like strawberries.
A1: C***, I’m not sure how I would stay entertained if you weren’t here laughing at me.
C: Glad to help.
A1: I’m so much funnier when you’re making fun of me. Who knew?
A1: ...Oh, my leadership paper...
C: How did that go?
A1: I was so sincere, I almost threw up.
A1: Thank you. It was a nice compliment. I just thought I’d trash it.
A1: I think I could spend days smelling my hair.
C: That’s nice.
A1: It’s a shame, because I think without all the vanity, I could be smart.
A1: My mum says that training men is like training killer whales.
C: Why?
A1: Because it’s all about positive reinforcement. You ignore the bad and focus on the good. Because how can you get a two-ton killer whale to jump through hoops for you without fish snacks?
A1: (on her wedding) It was the best day in my entire life – well, maybe not the best because I like canoe trips, but I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
C: And I got frozen spinach. It gives variety – not as much as a pap smear, but...
A1: You know you can get those for free? Because it’s Canada. You can be like “nobody’s touched me down there in a long time – can you just scrape something?’
A1: You know it’s bad if a pap smear is the high point of your week...
A1: So she got pregnant and the girl with the headache is communing with the foetus. It’s like you and Chucky.
A1: She was like “I just have to ask – are you carrying?” ...and I said “no, I just eat.”
C:...I can’t say I’ve ever actually gotten that...
A1: And you have a growth. Unfair.
A1: I think this one is you with the headache and the birds and the foetal communing.
A1: If you see any Calibri, eradicate it. Just kill it.
C: I do hate Calibri.
A1: It’s like zebra mussels in the Great Lakes. It just spreads...
A1: I think some men jut really make you want to have babies. You see them and you’re like “must...regenerate...species.”
A1: I think I just gained a pound.
C: Shit it out later; you’ll be fine.
A1: C** on biological functions...
A1: Sometimes I think I should be a troll. You know?
P1: Does Sean Connery have sex with some hussy in a library in this?
Q: No, but Christian Slater does – wanna see?
Q: Does that make you bride of Chucky?
A1: No...
C: I haven’t even given birth to him yet – how can I marry him?
A1: My sense is that he’ll marry a cat. And then be ingested by it.
K4: Have you guys heard of the Fem Defence?...it’s like a tampon, but with a spike on the end. So, if you’re going down a dark alley and you have some trouble...
C: That’s disgusting.
K4: There’s another one that looks like a claw!
A1: It turns your vagina into a deathtrap for penises. That’s cute.
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