February 9, 2009: Let's not tell my therapist about that, shall we?

A1: Speaking of horrible things, I just heard a terrible joke. 'What do nine out of ten people enjoy?....Gang rape.' I've been holding it in, but it seemed the perfect moment, with the Rwanda...
V2: Telling that joke after talking about the Rwandan genocide is certainly an appropriate moment...

S9: P**** just sleeps in class.
A1: That's not true. Sometimes he spends an hour picking lint off himself.

C: So how's life?
S7: I'm getting something cut off of my tongue. I'm kind of excited. Well, not really.

S7: I've never felt this bad.
C: One guest lecture drove you to the depths of misery?
S7: I drew a hand turkey. But it was a YMCA turkey. So there was, like, a fireman, policeman, construction worker, sailor and leather guy. We called it 'Boredom Turkey.'
C: Leather guy?
S7: I dunno. P*** said it. he's dressed in leather. I almost posted it up there, because it's about the lowest you can sink....at the end of the class it turned into 'Suicide Turkey' because it hanged itself.

A1: It was like sad making out where you, like, slowly lick each other's face.
Q: He looked like he was comforting her & she looked like her dad just died.
A1: Maybe she was pregnant.
Q: Maybe she needed to get an abortion.
A1: That's so first year. I'm so over that. Like, get reliable birth control.
Q: Not first year, freshman.
A1: And those girls who need their boyfriends to come with them to get the morning after pill. - 'He doesn't support me' - 'He has class.'

C: I feel so dirty to have laughed at that joke.
A1: It's a little rough around the edges....where's P***?

P1: You have food!
C: Yes.
P1: You're eating!
C: Yes...
P1: I see three things in there! I didn't know you could eat three things.
C: Technically, I'm not supposed to be eating peas...

S1: There was this guy that, he couldn't afford alcohol, so he mixed gasoline with milk...and he threw up onto a fire...he was Canadian. You should be proud.

S7: I should have sold my virginity.
P1: You should have sold your virginity?!
S7: You know all those girls who are, like, selling their virginity for like $20 000...
P1: It's good C came in when you said that.
J2: You usually have to be patient, but you didn't have to wait at all...

A1: It's on Facebook.
R1: It's not names...?
C: Initials. Numbered initials.
P1: My wife figures out who I am really easily, though...and then she's like 'Do you talk about having alien babies with everyone in this school?''...

P1: Did you ever say something really funny and C's not there, and then you cursed yourself for not waiting until she showed up?

R1: It's really horrible to be sick & in pain.
A1: A**** would have to wipe your ass. I'm not saying she already doesn't...
P1: What the hell is wrong with you?
A1: Well, you know, if you're really sick, your wife has to change your diapers.

A1: Because if you look smart and have a low-cut top, you get the best of both worlds. Because what guy's going to say that's a downer?

A1: Because that's what makes it gay. The touching.
P1: Yeah. But it's not gay if you're playing Star Wars....I was joking.

A1: My therapist says I need to make friends. So I'm trying to make friends.

A1: I hate friends. Hate them.

A1: Who do you think our test subject should be? I think it should be P***. He'll give us some raunchy feedback.
C: Raunchy?
A1: Yeah, like; this website fucking sucks. Fuck you!'

A1: You could come over and we could make sculpys. You could make kittens and I could make otters. Or you could make baby seals and I could make clubs...

C: How do we say that politely?
A1: 'Do you have birth defects?'
C: I said politely.
A1: Ok, let me know if you think of a sensitive way, Miss Sensitive.

A1: Does anyone have a cellphone that plays 'Mary Had a Little lamb'?
R2; No, but I hear it too....there was a guy playing the flute in the student lounge.

A1: Sometimes I picture myself as a large otter and I crack things on my stomach....let's not tell my therapist about that, shall we?

C: And it would be pretty awkward trying to get them to get tested before you, you know, bite them...
R1: That's where being an information specialist comes in! i can crack the codes, find their medical history...

A1: You should pack yourself with dirty diapers so every time someone pokes you it smells like poop.
K4: Why would I do that?
A1: I don't know...
K4: How would that be in my best interests?
A1: It just came to me...
W: And you don't have a kid, so you'd have to make your own dirty diapers...
K4: how come every time I talk to you it ends up being about poop?
A1: I have a fecal obsession...