October 25, 2007: Paradigm Shifts and George Clooney's Naked Ass

V1: It’s supplementary. We offer so much already; we don’t we serve?! We might as well offer rub & tugs!
C: What the hell are robin tugs?
V: It’s a special kind of massage.
C: Ooohh...I get it. I had not heard that term before.
J1: There’s room in the basement, it’s good for the economy, gets young girls their start....ok, we won’t have Public Library on Wheels. You win.

J1: Those are the funky high school kids.
C: Oh, that’s his hair. I was wondering why he was wearing a crown.
V1: It’s Jughead!

V1: See, no one asks ‘How’s it hanging?’
J1: Just you, J. A Stratford-specific query.

V1: I want to touch him.
C: Who?
J1: Rico Suave. Our database prof. Rico Suave...I call him that. I do.
*C laughs*
J: Not to his face. Hey, Rico, I got a question!

V1: Is this one Asian?
J1: You run out of ways to differentiate the heads, ok!

J1: I love our IT guy. I think I have a bit of a crush on our IT guy.

C: It’s not a valid learning process it you want to beat yourself against the wall and stab yourself to death with sharp objects.
J1: Are you ok?

V1: And he’s butt naked and he’s being thrown about the sauna, and all his most delicate parts were like whoooo! whoooo!

V1: It’s funny; if you type in ‘government’ when you’re searching for images, you get lots of pictures of tanks....guns...postmen.

D: She likes ‘paradigm shift’ too. You think we could put that in our project?
?: I think you should put it in numerous times.
D: We should call our resource centre that.

V1: Oh no, I just sent their heads everywhere.
J1: Your voice is just so awesome. Your timbre is just so humorous. And not to your detriment. It’s just.....If you were a small animal of some kind....a squirrel.
V1: ‘If you were a small animal, I’d lock you in a cage!’
J1: I didn’t say I’d put you in a cage. I said a squirrel. You can run free.

V1: Why do all exercise pants have to automatically, like, show the world what your vagina looks like?

A1: I failed kindergarten
P1: She totally did.
S2: Really?
A&P: Yes.
P1: I peed my pants in kindergarten and I still passed; what does that say about you?

P1: I’m just saying: The grate is on the floor, and the string....ninja mice!

MW: I’ve got another idea: I’ll have an angry face on my finger, bite me on my ass, and an F. U. on my eyelids, because then you blink, and they wouldn’t be sure what they’re seeing....

MW: I don’t really get long nails.
C: Yeah, I don’t really see how you accomplish anything in life. Other than scratching people.
MW: Long sharp points. *snarls*
C: You’re scary.
MW: Sweet.

An: But it didn’t make me buy anything. It just made me donate my...
C: Organs...?!

dad: You know what they should do next time? He should sing part of ‘The Star Spangled Banner’ in French....

NR: If I’m napping, you can put your finger in my nose or something.
C: Thanks....I don’t know if I’ll take you up on that, but I’ll take that as a standing offer.
N: You should take that as a compliment. I’m giving you free access to my nose!
C: I’m deeply moved.
N: Do you mean moved, as in ‘ewww, my stomach is moving’?
C: Yeah, pretty much.
N: Good, that’s what I was going for.

TNV: I’m annoyed. I’ve been talking to you for five minutes and the notebook hasn’t come out yet.

T: I’ve contrived to argue on the spreadsheet.

T: I’ve been in Toronto too long. I keep thinking that pole is the CN tower.
C: It’s a telephone pole.
T: It’s a telephone pole juxtaposed against a lamppost. And since I have very little three-dimensional vision, I keep thinking it’s the CN tower.

T: What are you staring at?
C: You.
T: And am I a pleasant sight for sore eyes?
C: You’re hideous. I’m overwhelmed.

C: You have an evil smile.
T: I do?
C: Yes.
T: Photograph it.
...T: I look horrible evil. Just horribly. This is a nightmare. A nightmarish picture.

C: It’s raining men.
T: On A’s house.
C: Testosterone.
T: Sexy men....George Clooney’s naked ass.
C: A towel.
T: Why?
C: I don’t want to see George Clooney’s naked ass.

C: Cheese.
T: Evil.
C: Sauron.
T: Transformers.
C: Shop class.

C: Drugs.
T: Contraindications. I’ve spent more time living with a registered nurse than I have living with drug addicts.

C: Assassins.
T: Climbing up the wall into your lady’s chamber.
C: *suggestive eyebrows* That’s my move.
T: What’s on the roof?
C: *eyebrows* That’s my move.
T: Oh, I thought you said ‘on the roof.’ You can kind of engage in love affairs on the roof. Not in November, though. Or October.
C: Certainly not after it gets icy. That might get dangerous.
T: Especially if you have a gabled roof....unless you have tentacles!
C:...Tentacles can be useful for so many things. Even in love affairs. *a look of creeping horror as the full meaning of that statement seeps in*
T: Tentacle porn. It exists.
C: You’ve seen it?
T: I have.
C:.....Why?
T: A chat program that includes full links.
.....T: It’s not part of my fantasy life.
C: Something about the slimy and the squelchy that doesn’t appeal to you? Or..
T: The cold. The cold is my main objection. My men, they got to be hot men!

C: Oh man. We are so weird.
T: I have a wide range of knowledge!! It happens to include a limited knowledge of tentacle porn.
C: I stand by what I originally said.
T: Weird?
C: Yes.

T: Somehow I cannot imagine gynaecologists talking about sex. I bet they talk about sonnets. They get drunk...

C: Ok, it isn’t normal practice to go into a store and start hugging their mannikins, even if they are sheep.