J1: I feel like we're five years behind what's out there. I don't know if you remember, but we made a card catalog...
C: Your graffiti is the most exciting part of my ntoes.
J1: *laughs* "reading is for chumps! I mean chimps! I like books and bananas...and alliteration!"
J1: I should be a teacher: "ok kids, so synechdoche is like the hubcaps while rhetoric is the car!"
P: There could be rub-n'-tugs in the library basement.
C: I don't know what it is about the people in this program, but everyone seems to suggest sexual favours as a sideline. I find it a little unsettling...
J1: The thing I love about the army is that they think they can make people leaders by sending them on a five-week course.
B1: Hey, they firebombed Dresden, just because they wanted to test out their weapons.
P: They almost killed Kurt Vonnegut! Fucking bastards!
P: It is hard for me to influence you to do irresponsible things now. I only see you once a week.
A1: I know. I'm not being P**-washed....brainwashed.
P: P**-washed sounds wrong.
A1: You punch like a girl, but that's ok.
P: I'm not trying to hurt you.
Q: I can just picture you in the schoolyard as kids, beating up on each other.
P: That was me in any schoolyard.
V: I used to kick boys in the shins. So I could kiss them.
P: I still don't get how a person fails kindergarten.
A1: I don't know what it was. Maybe I wore the same leotard too many days in a row.
K: I ate erasers.
P: I sat in the corner and talked to no one...
C: I shoved pencils up my nose and tried to write with them.
P: I was shy...
P: You've never seen me at parties...I usually am the one convincing people to do stupid things...
C: Yeah, I can see you doing that.
K: The subversive...
P:...And later they're like, 'Why are we at an Irving truck stop dressed up as women? The truck drivers will hate us, they'l totally beat us up.' And I'm totally dressed up as a lady too, but...
P: 'Who's that?' 'That's Jesus.' 'Who's that?' 'God's son. He can see everything you do.' 'Get him out of here.' -- I was going to hit my brother; I didn't want him seeing that!
P: You(C) hate the radio? You look like the kind of person who'd skip school to listen to CBC2 for classical music...
P: That's why I married A***. She's always really angry and I'm super mellow and happy...why are all you guys laughing? I'll fucking kill you all!
P: 'Occasional books.'
M: It just means 'secondhand.'
...
C: 'Used' just sounds dirty.
M1: Yeah, I like 'secondhand.' It's like, yeah I don't need this anymore; someone else can have it.
C: 'Used books' sounds like 'used condom.'
M1: Not quite that bad.
P: ... I think it's just another stupid euphemism. Like "date rape." Why do you need another word for it? It's still rape.
P: She said 'quick & dirty.'
C: Mmhm.
P: That's gross.
C: Don't say ping pong balls ever again please.
P: I was just thinking that if anyone wanted to have sex with her they'd want it to be quick and it would be dirty. Ping pong balls.
C: 20 minutes and we got to the intro slide.
P: She wants to talk about the word "model."
prof: But is google useful?
C: It should be firebombed.
prof: Does it has its place?
P: It has its place. In the kitchen!
P: All this moves me somewhere near the brown note....the brown note. The note that when you hear it makes you want to poop.
C: Oh. I've never heard that.
P: You've missed out on so much....It moves me in a bowel type way.
P: Triangle mouth. How would that affect blowjobs? Triangle penis....triangle vaginas....
P: There are so many dirty things I could say about filling gaps. Triangle mouth is coming up again....packages...fillin
P: I should have lasers. Invisible lasers. I could just kill him with my invisible nipple lasers. If they shot acid, that would be cool.
C: So long as you don't kill anyone by accident.
P: Cups. Nipple cups! No one could pierce their nipple, though, because it would corrode. You'd get rusty nipples. Rusty Nipples. That sounds like the name of a old folk singer. 'Jim Rusty Nipples.'
C: I'd rather pierce my nipples than be here.
P: I'd rather cut off my nipples, fry them, and eat them.
C: I've not gone that far yet.
P: You know what Id rather do? Id rather have rusty hedge clippers shoved up my ass, and opened.
C: I'm impressed that you can keep coming up with all these gross things.
P: It's how I roll.
P: I hate coffee.
C: I looooove coffee.
P: If you could make a man out of coffee, you'd do him and have little coffee bean babies.
C: Yep.
P: You'd do him and have little coffee babies...
C: So hot.
P: And then you'd breastfeed them and eat them.
C: EWWWW. I hate you.
P: Librarians are like truck drivers and our cargo is information. woo! woo! That's why we have to wear hats. And belt buckles.
P: Like, when I walk home at night, I have to worry about being knifed, but I don't have to worry about being raped. My sex sucks. My gender.
C: I was going to say, that's quite the confession.
P: It's 'sexe' in french. 'Sex' with an 'e'. That's my excuse: it's because I'm French.
C: Poor A***
B2: I think there's not enough anxiety in some libraries.
J4: I had one woman ask me why we didn't have blankets. Because people would pee on them.
J4: Doesn't "library anxiety" come from people who have, like, other anxieties?
J4: ...Or weird health things that you don't want people to know about.
B2: Right. "You and Your Goiter."
J4: I think goiters are kind of obvious.
B2: "No this isn't for me. It's for my friend. This? It's just my second head."
C: Stop saying quick and dirty.
M1: It's not the same when she says it. It ruins it.
J1: It's my first Montreal purchase. It makes me feel sophistimacated.
C: I haven't made any Montreal (clothes) purchases. I'm not very sophistimacated.
J1: It's hard to be when you can't pronounce the word.
S1: The factory I worked at was like 1900.
C: Everywhere I worked at was like that. I wasn't really very committed to the success of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
S1: No.
S1: Doesn't it make you feel dirty? Like, I feel like I'm joining the dark side. They're like talking about the worker--I am the worker! Although I can use it to understand what they're thinking and use it against them. Use the lingo...
S6: I'm sorry, if you don't talk loudly I can't hear. All I heard was "sex in a library" and "it happened to you 3 times"...
C: No no! I walked up on people by accident! We didn't hear each other!
C: My neighbour's dog, though, maybe has to go.
Y: You going to bite him? Make him your slave?....You have to be careful, though; with his blood you don't want to take some of his characteristics. You put up your hand in class and you're like "woof!"
C: I don't know if anyone would notice. I answer questions with animal noises sometimes.
Y: Interesting. Even more interesting since you didn't specify the context.
C: Oh, just normal situations. 'Wash the dishes.' 'Mrw' and I was the dishes.
Y: Body language is so overrated.
K2: It's your Swedishness, ok? It's not the Listerine.
Q: I'll take superior genes as an argument.
V: He didn't write that many books actually. He died in a car accident. Much like Heath Ledger. Too Young!
J1: 'Who's going to make the first reference!'
J1:...unless you have a compost.
V: You can't compost meat.
C: It would go bad. It would go rancid.
J1: Ok! I thought I was being all environmental and clearly I was just being an ass...
V: That probably looks unappetizing.
C: V**'s got cooties!
V: That wasn't very nice.
C: I'm not a nice person.
V: As I keep trying to tell people, only they don't listen!!
J1: The best thing about this bandaid is that it has a library call # on it.
J1: She's a ho. Not literally a ho, but I have a personal vendetta against Adrienne Clarkson.
C: Why do you hate Adrienne Clarkson?
J1: because she's always late! And when you're in thirty degrees weather in a wool suit, every minute counts!
V: S5 was saying 'I'm not funny! I never see myself on C's notes!'
(you are funny. really. we just need to talk more.)
C: I just don't like blank paper. It's like an undone assignment.
V: I think that's the peak of your dorkiness right there. 'It's like an undone assignment.'
J1: I used the words "an organic listening experience" in my interview today...
J1: Sometimes I get like that with our cats because we spoil them. But it's like 'it's ok, they're not going to go out and marry someone and ruin their life; they're just going to hang around in our apartment and be selfish.'
V: Why, if they're so short, are their genitals always rubbing against the ground? What kind of fucked-up Darwinism is that?
J1: Maybe it's to keep him aroused. For easy procreation.
V: Maybe.
J1: Keep it ready.
V: I pulled like a 2 inch straw from his peepee the other day. It's just wrong.
V: Bed dirt is like skin and hair and nakedy things, not like...
J1: Leaves?
V: I've looked at many guinea pigs in stores since I got him and not very many of them have such voluptuous lips.
V: Sometimes I have these enactments of action scenes when I'm taking the elevator from the ground floor of McLennan to the 6th and there's a girl with leggings, or, worse, lots of them, and suddenly I turn into Milla Jojovich and I'm like hyah! hyah! hyah! Oh, I spilled my tea. But it was worth it, to make the point.
V: You can do that when you're single.
J1: Things to do when you're single!
V: See how long you can grow your nails! You should see my underarms.
V: Yeah, sometimes I just want to be like 'hey! makeover!' But then I remember I'm not your friend and I can't do that.
C: Pirates aren't sexy. Pirates are unhygenic. The idea of pirates can be sexy...
M2: Yeah, like Johnny Depp...
C: But pirates in person need a shower.
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