S2: I have a helmet, yes. I’m still not used to this whole not risking death thing...
S1: I kind of assume every guy in our program is gay, until proven otherwise. It seems a safe assumption....I do that with every guy in Vancouver too. There are some gorgeous guys in the West End and it’s like...probably gay. Best not to get my hopes up.
V: He’s hotter than he was last year.
S1?: It’s been a dry summer, hasn’t it?
V: Shut up. I had a more successful summer with males than in a while.
Q: I had a bit of a dry summer.
S1: My summer was very dry. There were tumbleweeds.
V: *Laughs* “Tumbleweeds between my thighs!”
Q: I remember having this conversation with P**** last year. And he was like ‘how many guys have you kissed? I’ve kissed two.’ And I said ‘I don’t know,’ and he was like ‘come on, don’t be homophobic.’
V: Seriously? He said that?
Q: Or something equivalent. And I said ‘No, I really don’t know. I’ve lost count.’ and he looked at me and was like ‘ooooh.’
S1: ‘Cause I was going to say ‘he polishes his rocks and watches Battlestar Galactica,’ but then I realised it sounded like something else.
S1: I was like “How can you have sex if you’re in a big furry costume?” but apparently they make anatomically-correct costumes.
C: “Role-play”?!
P1: I’ll be a French maid. Can you picture it?
C: I am. That should be your Hallowe’en costume.
P1: A** wants me to wear this dress...
C: It could be a nice French maid dress!
P1: ...she’s offered to make it...
A1: You look so much more normal with blue hair and I don’t know why...it’s like you cared about your appearance for a day.
V: ..people skills – sorry C...
V: I have a trenchcoat. But it’s not black. It just looks like I’m going to flash someone. Short people can’t wear trenchcoats...
P1: A current awareness assignment, like, if they put a ‘kick me’ sign on your back, how long does it take you to notice?
C: Three hours.
A1: Oh, C’s intelligent.
P1: Intelligent like it takes her 3 hours to notice a ‘kick me’ sign on her back!
C: I was busy!
P1: Skirt and a Spiderman shirt! *thumbs up* It’s kind of like a mullet: work on the bottom, party on top.
C: Ok...
P1: Like how a mullet is work in the front, party in the back...I wasn’t comparing your fashion choice to a mullet. That would be mean.
P1: You’re a drug addict.
C: But I’m not even on my drugs anymore.
P1: And look what you did to your hair! Withdrawal symptoms.
C: Exactly. And sleeping through every class...
P1: You’re turning into me! If you start growing a penis, drink coffee. Even if it kills you.
C: I’ll do that. Thanks for the advice.
P1: I’m gonna go now.
M3: Who’s Chris? Do you know him?
S7: I feel like I know him.
Q: ...that’s the Acquisitions Librarian.
A1: They can buy it. I’ll just catalogue it subversively. I’m in charge of making it findable...it has to be something really obscure. Woodworking....bulimia. I like to picture Ann Coulter puking.
C: Anemia!
Q: How do you think she stays so thin?
A1: Exactly. Bulimia. I think she’s a puker.
Q: I already warned some of them when they were in a good mood. I was like ‘when you think about dropping out first term: don’t.’ and they were like ‘Why are you telling us this?’
Q: First of all, it’s the web. Which is more likely to be in a web: a squid or a spider?
A1: And we’ll name the ball FB.
S?: I don’t think she’d like it.
A1: We wouldn’t put it on the ball.
P1: I would.
S1: You can’t eat honey?
P1: No.
S1: Why, do you break out in hives?
P1: No! God! It’s not like this school isn’t depressing enough, you have to crush my will to live with the world’s worst pun! You hurt my soul...I don’t even believe in souls and you hurt mine!
P1: The last time I shaved a sweater, I was sitting on the roof of my apartment and people looked at me funny. Probably because I was shaving a sweater and sitting on the roof...it wasn’t really a roof. It was more of an awning. I was on the third floor.
C: Why would it matter if people looked at you funny?
P: They looked at me even funnier when I brought out a blanket and a pillow and took a nap in the middle of the day.
P1: Just because it says so on your shoe, doesn’t make it true!
C: But you were acting like a wiener.
P1: Describe my wiener-like qualities.
A1: How does someone piss you off? I act like a retard all the time and I don’t piss you off.
P1: No one knows what a shmoo(sp?) is. You know what that means? It means I’m old, like you.
Q: Fuck you.
P1: You know what, it’s like a defense mechanism: “No one invites me anywhere!” Now that I’m vegan, they can’t.
A1: O*** has a blackberry and he’s like...it’s like we had a baby and it’s the Blackberry.
A1: P*** has above-average intelligence.
P1: Either that or I have Aspergers.
Q: You do not have Asperger’s. Who told you that? You told yourself that.
A1: Have you been reading Cosmo again?.....You’re not special!
Q: You don’t have Asperger’s, you’re just an ass.
P1: I say things and I do things that piss people off all the time and it doesn’t occur to me that they could ever piss people off.
A1: Honey, that’s just self-absorbed.
...
Q: The fact that you’re married...
A1: Yeah, but have you met his wife?
P1: What’s that supposed to mean?!
A1: Nothing; I love your wife.
Q: Yeah, I remember last year and I wondered ‘how could a woman put up with this guy?’ And I saw pictures of her on Facebook and she looks so sweet and innocent...but then I met her and she’s more messed up than you.
P1: Yeah, but it doesn’t work for girls.
S1: What do you mean?
P1: What do you spank?
S1: We shouldn’t really have to explain this to you P***....poor A***.
P1: Guys don’t really “spank” either though...
G: What did he say about exposing themselves?
C: To information. It’s a virus! A disease!
G: Well, that’s what happens if you go around exposing yourself, I guess.
C: I guess that’s a way of sharing information. In a sense. Thanks for that mental image, G***.
S5: They were having a Starcraft LAN party.
J4: What the fuck is that?
S5: Yeah....the best part is they’re all wearing their headphones to listen to sound effects or something and all you hear is the click of the mouse *click.click.click.click.click.* and they trash talk each other. Like “yo bitch!” “I can’t believe you destroyed my fortress, man!”
S5: It’s like, a nice romantic dinner followed by...90s html coding.
S5: Is it like a marathon where they time you every time and you have to try to beat your best time?
J4: That’s not very yoga, S***
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