February 3, 2009: No, that's ok. I don't need Chucky in a jar

S1: They're making me put my cream cheese on my own bagel!
C: Fascists!
S1: I'm so used to Tim Horton's, where they just smear it on for you.

K4: Yesterday P** was telling me how he bribed you to skip class.
C: And then it snowballed out of control...
K4: he was very proud of it. It was like one of his life's accomplishments.
C: Well, he bribed me with two bookstores. Not just one, two!

K4: Do I need to sing you the private square song? 'Hey you over there / This is my private square / R. A. P. E. / Stay the heck away from me!'

K4: I'm being molested in library school! That's the last place I would expect that!
A1: Are you kidding? All these antisocial creeps, nothing better to do than to poke me...
K4: I don't expect to be groped here!
A1: I look at all these people and it's like.. 'You haven't been laid in a long time. Don't touch me.'

A1: My hair hurts.
C: Your hair hasn't nerve endings.
A1: Smartass.
C: Would that be your scalp you're talking about?
A1: Well, you know, that thing I'm pulling.

A1: hard to tell who's the boss when you're married, because life's just this one continuous compromise. It's like being eaten to death by vampire bats. But in a nice way.

P1: maybe since we're like this weird alien race where, like, they're able to procreate just by proximity, so I impregnated you. That's not cheating, is it?
C: But why would you be having bladder problems too?
P1: Maybe the baby absorbs the renal powers of its parents.
C: At least the guy gets to suffer.
P1: it's more fair!

P1: We're a very advanced species. We realise it's the woman's choice.
A1: But she could take into account your sensibility by providing you with Chucky in a jar.
P1: No, that's ok. I don't need Chucky in a jar.
A1: She could get him cut out, put him in a jar and tie a bow and give it to you.

R1: Oh, nice.
A1: No! not nice! I can't have my husband smelling of magnolia!

__

CC: I'm always the man, wherever I go.
O: You'll always be my mother.

O: What kind of dominatrix are you?
T: Um..an expensive one.
O: What kind of dominatrices are there?
T: lists them...
C: You think about it in a very organised manner.
T: I've given the matter some thought.
O: I could be a dominatrix, part time.
C: No you couldn't. You'd laugh at them.
O: Actually, I've done that.

O: That's the way I like you, dark and bitter like my coffee. If I drink enough coffee, I could be like C*** some day!

O: Your eyes are like limpid pools of evil.
C: Thanks.

O: I actually wrote him a long e-mail the other day telling him he was irritating.
C: It wasn't a CC - style e-mail, with, like 'have a nice day :)' on the end?
O: No, it's a C-style e-mail. I actually copied and pasted some sentences from her e-mails. About 60% is plagiarised.
C: I feel so honoured.

O: I did. I lied during my Hooters' interview. There were 2 truthful things on my resume, and one of them was my name.

_____

1: It's all P***'s fault. He told us she writes down everything you say. Apparently your entire sex life is on Facebook.
V: I don't even have Facebook.
1: Her notes. You told me your entire sex life was on Facebook.
V: Well, I guess it is, then.
2: Good thing I don't have a sex life.

Q: ... and I forget the word for, like, the one that's under performing but has potential..
C: P?

Q: At my house, I'm cleaning, and the dryer lint is really soft and fluffy.

J1; See you later, alligator.
C: See ya.
J1: You're supposed to say 'In a while, crocodile.' Don't you know anything?!

S2: What are we talking about?
S1: Harlequin ichthyosis.
S2: Fair enough, fair enough. Okay.
S1: Horrible diseases and why you should abort your baby before it's born.