January 31, 2008: I thought the whiskey was the last resort when all else fails

K1: I don't like wearing tight clothes.
C: Yeah, I don't like feeling like I'm being molested by my pants. I don't have that close a relationship with them.
K1: I just don't like being sausaged into things. I'm like, I'm not meat!

K1: You haven't had a class with ***
x: He has a funnier voice.
K1: *** Is worse.
D4: Maybe, but he doesn't wear leopard print.

K1: I need to do something to make this better. Bring balloons and confetti to class, and release them any time someone says something inspirational.
C: When's that going to happen?
K1: Whenever someone says something stupid. Drop the ballons and confetti. Throw them at ****.

K1: You can join my haiku-writing club in class. I write haikus about ***.

J5: What are you going to do about that?
C: You could have a guy at the door like a greeter with a yellow happy face button.
J5: I'd stop going to libraries if they did that.
K2: You could have a guy dressed as a giant book. 'I won't hurt you! I love you!'
K1: Huggy the giant book! And he could encapsulate you within his pages...smother you with knowledge...
J5: And you emerge, reborn, ready for a fresh start...

K2: the only thing I don't like in exams is the sounds of people know ing what they're doing. 'Frantic scribbling. 'oh yeah' Scribble scribble.'

J1: I heard Winnipeg has the longest skating rink in the world now.
C: Those bastards!!!
grrrrr
C: Tourism's bad enough in Ottawa; damn thing's not freezing.
J1: People want to go to Ottawa, though; they don't want to go to Winnipeg. Family vacation: Ottawa....Winnipeg.

P: Are you saying I might not get a job because my facebook picture is a photo of me kissing myself? Or, I should say, tonguing my tongue...if they find your notes, maybe.

K1: C was here.
P: Didn't you write it down? Look it up.
K1: Search P-K1 the son/mother relationship.
(I really have no recollection. Or notes. Sorry)

P: She's a grandma too. I don't know if I told you this, but J2 is my daughter.
K1: ...the granddaughter I never knew.

K1: ...and when we had to upsell things. I sold four cookbooks with that.
D2: You could have fun with that. 'Would you like some condoms with that?'
K1: 'Would you like some Archie comics?'

K1: Once this one guy came in and bought some kind of porn. Really smutty. I don't remember...
D2: You don't remember the divisions of porn? You'll never be a cataloguer.
K1: Anyway, he buys it and opens it and starts reading it in the store. We're in a mall!!!

K1: Yes, but why would she need to release into the world that she grows weed with menstrual blood? Just gotta get that off my chest.
D2: I don't know!!!

P: Did you ever smoke pot that was fertilized with menstrual blood?
V: I dunno.
P: 'I dunno. I don't know what fertilized it.' It's a good answer. Only you would not be weirded out by that question.

V: I've never bought condoms. I figure I buy enough stuff related to my vagina in my life...

D2: It'd be a little embaressing if your neighbour came over and you were gardening.
K1: 'What are you doing?'
D2: 'What's your trick?'
P: 'Your flowers are really nice...'

P: I don't have to look pretty anymore. I'm married. I don't have to try. Right? That totally implies I took care of my looks before...total lie.

P: I wish I were a meat puppet. Librarian meat puppet.
C: I love how you've yet again drawn a parallel between librarians and prostitutes.

P: You really are American, aren't you? You just hate it (fonds) because it's French.
S2: Yeah, exactly. We're going to start calling them 'freedom collections.'

P: But you don't need to use a Kleenex. Why do you think L Ron. Hubbard invented sleeves?

K1: You need a job. You have a wife! What is she gets pregant?
P: That would be awesome.
E: Your offspring will need nourishment.
P: My offspring will be my nourishment.

K1: (on Christianity) I don't understand why they don't just all get high and make furniture.

P: I've said it before. I wanted to have the mose obscene picture that didn't have nudity, violence, or feces. I think I succeeded.

P: Do you want to go outside?
S2: I think I do.
P: So we can have sex?
S2: I'm going to put my jacket on so I can take it off in a threatening manner.
V: The rattle of the tic-tacs really intimidated me.

K1: My brother had this baby doll and she had, like, you know how the eyes move?...I don't know why he was to attached to it. It had no arms by the end of it, no clothes, and he wrote 'Lydia' across its chest...

K1: ...and I was never allowed to be the GI Joe when his friends were over; I had to be the one-armed Wonderwoman who lived in the birdcage...

C: If I had bought my own clothes then, I totally would have turned into one of those goth children.
K1: I never got those goth people.
C: Neither did I; I just wanted to put people off. Didn't as much do it with my clothes; had to rely on my personality instead...

P: I made a sandwich. It's on the counter at home.
C: I did that with a cup of coffee once. It was tragic.

S1: I love how you've joined the dark side and joined the gym. You go, like, everyday.W: They have t.v. there.
S1: I have t.v. at my house.
W: And newspapers...

B1: ...you can be a good leader if you're not a good speaker or physically attractive...
S1: I'm not pretty enough to be a leader.
C: They made me the leader of The Cult of the Divine Forklift. Do you think it's because I'm blonde?
S1: You know what makes leadership? Guns.

prof: ..the belief was that people were motivated by money, and that's it...
C: Hell yeah. When it's a crappy job, totally.
S1: Also torture.

S6: I thought the whiskey was the last resort when all else fails.
Y: That's the gun.

S6: If people died, you could eat them.
Q/J1??: We're learning a lot about people in this group.
C: ..and if you need to warm up your hands, you can cut someone open and stick your hands in their innards.
Y: The pilots. They're already dead.

C: Apparently getting naked together helps with hypothermia...
Y: You're kinky.

C: ...and if you did the naked kinky hypothermia thing, the chocolate might come in handy...
Q: I think you just want sex.

K3: I still want the chocolate.
J1: you and your self esteem! We'll sing songs or something!