S1: I feel my IQ has gone down being here.
P: I don't know about my IQ, but definitely my zest for life.
S1: Oh my god. 'To not give a rat's ass' -- 'To care about it as much as the year 1940.'
S1: 'His dog is dead' -- 'It'll never happen.'
S1: 'To have the long end of the stick'? That sounds so wrong.
S1: 'To have one's apple sung to' means 'to hit on.'
K: ... What do you say to that? 'Quit singing to my apple'?
P: See, English has some weird ones too, like 'Fuck the dog'? Actually, French has that too...They'd be like, 'Having sex with a dog? What do English people do when they're bored??!?
C: See, I've never actually heard that one.
S1: That's because you've never worked in a factory.
P: Haha. I'm sitting with you. And you're just going to have to deal with it. And write it down.
P: The last line talks about needs, wants, felt needs...you think they're talking about crotch felt?
C: It does look a little dirty.
P: Unfelt needs...
P: 25 minutes and we're at the intro slide.
C: I have a headache.
P: Snowballed has different connotations for me.
C: Feel better. It will end.
P: His life or this class?
C: Both.
P: Neither will be soon enough.
C:...Do you want to read Kafka?
P: I think I have to go.
C: To the bathroom, or just leave.
P: Just leave!
C: I want a grilled cheese sandwich.
P: I want a grilled cheese death.
C: With pesto.
P: With piss, though.
C: ...
P: I'm going to throw bricks at clay users.
C: Does that mean our users are golems?
P: *nods* Polish-Jewish monsters!
C: I can live with that.
P: Me too....the alternative would be to take our clay users and put them in a kiln and make them bricks, thus killing them.
C: Good call...and then you can build more space for books.
P: And shelves. Brick shelves. Clay shelves for books.
P: Or maybe if our users are made of clay, they could have a slot and we could put in bricks of information, and when they come back, we take it out and replace it with a new brick.
C: But then, it's lost, forgotten.
P: They absorb some.
C: That just makes me think of diarrhea. I don't know why.
P: Me neither.
C: Or constipation. Is there an expression 'to shit a brick'? Maybe that's why.
P: If no one ever gives a shit, and everyone takes shits, where do they get all the shits?
C: Well, they say 'taken.' It doesn't have to be given. They could steal it.
P: There's a huge stolen shit problem.
C: 'Love the users! Give them a big Wal-mart smile!'
P: 'Fellate the users!'
C: No. You're in the wrong profession.
P: Maybe some of them...wouldn't that be a great name? You could have twins: Horatio and Fellatio.
P: See, this is my point: we shouldn't treat information as clay, we should treat the users as clay. Beats treating them as an empty bucket. Throwing bricks at an empty bucket: it makes a loud noise for a while, but....we should treat them as a spittoon, and information as spit!
C: Yeah, there were a lot of people I wanted to spit on.
P: Spit at or spit on?
C: Uhhh...spit on?
P: "Spit on" sounds more sexual.
C: Cover in spit in a bad way.
P: Some people like that.
C: You're not helping.
P: See, if you do the 3am shift, you'll just get drunken frat boys calling, going 'dude, can you tell me where the g-spot is?'
C: This program is going to turn me to drink. I don't even want to drink, but this program is making me want to!
P: You should start drinking and I should start smoking pot in class. We'll be great entertainment for the others.
P: I need to put my needs to better use.
C: What the fuck?
P: I need to use my needs more usefully.
C: That's nice...I'm just thinking about drugs now.
P: Exploding puppies!
C: It's funny how much that thought can cheer a person up.
P: It's mostly poodles.
C: That's even better!
P: Poodles and chihuahua.
P: I wasn't listening. I was just thinking about punching you on the shoulder and wondering why. I've never had that urge before....Now I'm thinking about punching things. A thing called B**.
S1: That is the first time anyone has called me optimistic in my life.
K: I was going to fight you outside.
P: You were going to fight me outside?
C: Sweet, can I watch?
K: You can be the referee.
C: Can I have a whistle?
K: Yeah.
P: If you can kick me in the crotch, I can pull hair.
K: Ok.
P: I'm just going to be holding onto your hair while you kick me in the balls; it'll be the stupidest fight ever.
P: Like, I've heard of ball-bearings implanted in your penis so it's permanently ribbed for her pleasure.
C: I think I threw up a little in my mouth.
P: I think sometimes you wouldn't want to know what the information is used for. Like, with all the National Geographics with all the pictures of the naked indigenous people...
P: I was in a focus group once. I got paid $50.
C: I was in a lot of psychological experiments. I got paid like $10 each. I think I skewed a lot of the results.
P: I bet you did. Smeared poo all over the sheet...
C: No, I answered honestly. But I bet I skewed a lot of the results.
C: But why would that come up?
P: I don't have a vagina!
C: But why would you DO that?!?!
P: I don't have a vagina. I don't know.
C: I do and I don't know.....How would you find out?
P: How would you find out that you can snort milk up your nose and shoot it out your eye? Yet some people can.
C: But......there are just some places that ping pong balls shouldn't go!!!!
P: You'd think that about hamsters too, wouldn't you?
C: People keep destroying my innocence.
P: By 'people,' do you mean me?
C: Other people do it too. But you do a good job of it.
P: I've destroyed a lot of people's innocence.
P: I bet snakes have been used in very nasty ways. But pulling it out with scales...that would hurt. A ferret. A ferret could be used. Once you've upgraded from gerbils and moved onto snakes. And then otters, beavers...he could swich his tail around...You might not want to post some of there. One of us might get arrested. ... What about eggs? If ping-pong balls, why not eggs?
P: Do you know what's a cool sexual fetish I think people should have? Getting kicked in the face by a horse while jerking off. I want to meet someone like that.
C: Good luck. Try the internet.
C: I'm going to call him Twinkletoes. I've already decided that.
P: I'm going to call him Butcher Ski Pants.
S5: Who's going to rape? Who's going to pillage?
S5: That's why I like management: it's the best way to be fundamentally lazy.
____________________
HW: We went through a Black's Corner's. I was offended.
TNV: 'What do you notice first about the opposite sex?' 'The presence or absence of weapons.'
T: I am picturing the corridors of a star destroyer. With live ducks in them. "Lord Vader, the duck breeding experiment is completely under control."
T: I'm going to write romance now, if it has that lax editing standards.
C: I know! You could make piles of money and teach people linguistics on the side!
C: A romance between a mathematics professor and a linguistics student! It'd be awesome!
T: It could even be called something really tacky. Like 'the Calculus of Love.'
C: I wonder if anyone's ever used that. I'd better check on Google when I get home. here
T: I bet someone has. But I bet you no one's ever used 'The Lambda Calculus of Love."
T: "They both felt a stirring in their loins. But to cover it, they spoke rapidly of ferrets."
referring to this
C: I love that store. That's what my house is going to look like: smallish, books floor to ceiling, so that it feels like a padded cell.
C: I don't think anyone's ever scared of me. Ever. I just have to threaten them with you.
__________________________
E-R: If you're not a parent, you're like "That's terrible! You should never treat your kids that way!" but if you're a parent, you're like "What did that shitty kid do to that wonderful parent?!"
As: I asked N what he wanted to be when he grew up and he said Buzz Lightyear.
ER: He's got it planned out.
ER: It's like, "Come here kid! Grab my balloon! Water comes out!" And there's face makeup!
A: Could be a paedophile!
ER: Can't see the face! There's a big red nose!
ER: I think that it's odd that we all did the same thing to our egg. Something in our blood.
ER: They get me! I make a joke and they're not like "yeah....about that.....I'm gonna go."
A: I use these old phrases....but my boyfriend doesn't get them so I try not to say them but they come out sometimes. I'm like "I'm pining for you." He's like "What?" and I have to explain...
ER: You're a tree?
A: He's like " ...I love you too sweetie."
A: You planned your lie?!
ER: Well, it has to be well-formulated!!
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