AS: It's too bad you can't record hand gestures, because that was the most disturbing explanation of a stomach I've ever heard.
H: ...I can bend it like this, but I can't crumple it up and break it.
SC: "Crumple it up and break it." Record that.
A: Especially that she used the knife.
H: I really like the idea of walking a bit...
A: Please don't try to explain your stomach again.
A: The fact that I actually know who Raffi is and can actually sing one of his songs and never actually grew up in this country says something...
H: About me.
H: I was just going to insult myself. I was saying here was something wrong with my finger and then I was going to say 'there's something wrong with the rest of you!' and it would have been so good only it's me.
CW: You know you've spent too much time trading insults when...
H: Bad insults.
CW: You just insulted yourself again.
http://www.threadless.com/
CC: They could sell that at weight loss centres.
CW: As in what, you'll never make it?
T: It's great to be a rhino...
C: Apparently I'm their model of how not to bring up a child.
T: As in, never let your child have a notebook?
CC: How long do your cheeks burn for when you're in love, anyway?
T: About ten trillion years. After that, you convert to the Scientologists that remain alive. Because Scientology guarantees that you'll live for ten trillion years....Anyhow it's not love. It's infatuation.
J: Not love!
T: She agrees! Out of the mouths of babes...
T: I can just imagine Mr. H on reading that going 'romantics, cynics, romantics, cynics, romantics, cynics...weirdo."
C: I said delicious lipgloss. I didn't say you were trying to turn on the mayor.
T: Get that image out of my head! Please! Please! You haven't seen him in person! I have!...this is going on Facebook, isn't it?
C: Yes.
T: Can we talk about something else?
C: Yes.
T: Like kittens and cupcakes?
C: Something less banal?
T: Than kittens and cupcakes?
C: I like kittens! But cupcakes? As a conversation topic?
T: A French commercial for a funeral home.
C: My future career!
T: You're going to run a database for a funeral home?
C: No. Embalmer. Remember Career Studies?
T: I'm getting to be a connaisseur of subway systems. Toronto's, St. Petersburg, Moscow, London, Chicago, Kiev...only six! Darnit! My descents into the underworld should be more varied!
OH: You're back from the dead, I see. And wearing eye makeup.
T: The dead always wear eye makeup. Like ghouls...
O: ...Always hold the pineapple above your head before you slam it down on the juicer.
C *blank look*
O: That made sense in my head.
O: Didn't someone get it on with the wolf in the original version?
T: I thought the wolf ate them.
C: Yeah, well, after. It's not praying mantis.
T: I thought the wolf was male.
O: I would have remembered a goat! How could I have been so involved in my school that I walked right past a goat!??!
(on stupidity)
C: It opens a few more doors.
T: But it closes doors to sparkling discussions on group theory.
O: I didn't even know the Oscars were on last night. Did you guys know?
C: I watched them...
T: I refreshed the Wikipedia page.
C: ...with my mum and sister and I made fun of people's grammar and mum hit me with a pillow.
O: I love you guys You are so nerdy! It's not nerdy not to watch the Oscars, it's nerdy to watch them!
T: It's nerdy to refresh the Wikipedia page!
C: ...There was this guy who was going on about how it was called a movie because it was moving...
T: Moving like it moves you to throw things at the television?
C: Moving like my stomach is moving.
O: You're going to be the best crazy cat lady ever!
T: I'll be the best crazy rabbit lady...
O: I love how you can use evolutionary psychology to justify anything. You cut off your boyfriend's ball's: Whatever! Rabbits do it! It's natural!
T: You eat your boyfriend! Praying mantises do it! It's natural!
O: Wait, all the guys I like have emotional problems! So I have a crush on the boys who have a crush on you!
C: It's a merry-go-round!
T: Fit me in somewhere.
O: You can...kill them? ... or if that's a bit extreme you can just do like your rabbits.
T: Not with my own teeth.
O: Wow, I have no spite in my whatsoever. I'm not being vindictive at all!
T: It's like a girl on bpal, when her crush came back to her after screwing up she said 'I didn't tell him, but if he does it to me again, he'll be singing soprano.'
O: Except you'll be doing a favour to the opera world!.....Just think, you'll be like American Idol! You'd be like a talent scout in your own twisted way! Why are you looking at me like that; it makes perfect sense!
MW: Another way to repel a guy is to have a red contact and when he looks away, put it in, and squint. Just like this.
U: Or an eye patch.
dad: And the cars were product placement too, which worked pretty well, except their airbags were faulty...
(on Vantage Point car chase scene)
CC: And there was like this jellowy stuff and it was like...
T: *with distaste* hospital jello.
CC: It was my dessert! It looked like soap! It was in, like, a soapdish!
T: Will it reproduce soon?
T: I've got no idea. I've never seen a horny mathematician.
T: I've always wondered how people with really tall mohawks get through doors.
CW: Duck? It seems a simple logistical problem. I'd be more worried about climbing trees.
T: And occasionally I'll drop by with a chocolate bar.
CC: Oooh, a chocolate bar! Will you peel it for me?
T: C, there is a slight diffference, which you will have to teach our kids, between chocolate bars and bananas...
CW: My parents got out the baby book the other day and were looking at my old pictures that I drew and laughing....It was so embarrassing...
T: Hey, I still have my old pictures.
CW: Yes, but are they nudie pictures of large breasted women?
T: Yes.
CW:....Oh. That makes me feel better.
CW: I like winter. It's precipitation that you can throw at people.
T: Your eyes looked so bright when you said that...
CW: I really do want a hippopotamus skull in my apartment, though.
T: Where would you get it?
CW: I dunno. Ebay?
T: I want another whale vertebrae...
T: I'll have what she's having.
CW: That makes me think of Meg Ryan.
T: Why?
CW: 'I'll have what she's having." A lady says that when she's faking an orgasm.
T: What's she eating?
CW: Uh....salad?
T:Why would you fake an orgasm when you're eating salad?...(to cashier) We're sorry for traumatizing you for life.
cashier: No worries.
CW: It came up in the course of conversation. (to cashier) I'm sure none of your girlfriends ever have.
cashier: No comment..
clip here
CW: I don't admire people because I want to be like them, I'm like, 'ooh, this person would be a really cool character in a story and wow they're fucked up! Awesome."
T: Thank you.
CW: I don't really have that follower mentality, I respect someone because of the different viewpoints would give me a new perspective I could take under consideration; I don't want to follow them around like a little lapdog.
T: I'll let you be my lapdog. I've got a roomy lap.
CW: No. I'm bigger than you. Pipsqueak.
T: Were you licking your muffin?
CW: Sort of. I was collecting the crumbs so that they wouldn't spray everywhere. One has to do that with delicacy.
CW: But the coffee's done. You're just going to let it fester until they get here?
M: Fester? That is such a sexy word...
T: How old is he?
CW: Well, we got him the New Joisey year, so there was Tampa Bay...
T: You remember you cat's age by hockey playoffs??!!?!...2003.
T: Was he hot?
U: No.
T: So what's the problem?
U: I was taller than him. I swear, my boobs were the size of his ass.
T: ....C, you'll need the notebook. And all that said in a British accent. I swear we need a sitcom.
U: Notice something different, notice something different about my boobs?
M: That they look like some guy's ass?
T: How did that guy resist you? You talk like you're seducing someone even now. I'm almost going not straight...
M: You should see her in spring. Mating season.
M; Actually I don't think three boobs is enough. Maybe some on your back, three along your spine, and one in the front....
U: Wow, you're like a one-woman breast attack.
M: Okay, telepathic message.
U: "Food is here; must go eat."
M: Wrong message.
U: He forgot the garlic sauce?!?!
M: Okay, the newest way to be sexy: bit off a piece of your hair and spit it at someone.
T: Alright, let's watch something that hopefully doesn't involve Viggo Mortenson's swaying ding-dong.
U: You look a little like him, you know?
T: Like Vitas?
U: Well, the blue eyes.
T: Here, MW looks just as much like Vitas as I do. Blue eyes, brown hair. Presence of a nose. Presence of a mouth. Both ears checked.
here
CW: Ooh, skulls.
T: Memento mori for your morbid tendencies.
CW: Yeah, I need to expand the manifestations of my morbid tendencies.
JF: And I saw this sign that said "starving: give me money" and I swear I've seen like nine homeless guys with it, they take shifts, but it was Sunday morning so he was probably too hung over to show up to his shift...
T: How's your tart?
J: Good.
O: The Queen of Hearts would approve.
CW: No she wouldn't. She'd just get mad and chop of his head.
O: To-may-to, To-mah-to.
CW: I love that book (1984).
T: I don't.
O: I used to read it aloud to my parents in car trips because I thought it was cute...that was a genuine comment!!
MP: I'll know because everyone made a head the size of a fist and mine was like that size again..
O: Well, don't they say you make art in your own image?
MP: That's what everyone told me then..
J: Just buy a new zen garden, It's not working.
CW: This one is clearly faulty.
T: This zen garden is not giving me inner peace!
J: He has huge nipples; you didn't notice?
CW: I wasn't checking out his nipples. You're more interested in naked men than I am; this is weird.
J: Once you've seen M's nipples, you'll understand.
J: I can't believe you've just pulled that out and written something down. It's a movie!
CW: I had to write your nipple fetish! It'll be on Facebook later. If I can read it.
J: Oh shit, it's Lassie with an attitude.
J: This is like Hick McGyver.
J: There's no pork loin...There's only one pork loin I'm looking at.
*M hides head and sighs*
J: It's a really messed up movie (Youth About Youth), but the guy reads a lot of books, so I think you'd relate to it.
J: Wanna hear some pillow talk? Barnacles have the largest penis relative to their size.
T: Horses have penises twenty inches long. Which is why a guy died having anal sex with one.
J: ...We drove back looking for a horse penis. My friend was hanging out of the window with a camera...
T...it's cause it's so efficient. Seven pelvic thrusts and that's it.
T: I never really understood the point of the pickle.
J: It's a phallic symbol.
T: So is a clarinet, apparently.
MP ...If that's the case with a flute, they're not doing it right.
*long pause*
J: So how's about those triangle penises?
MP: Do you remember New Year's a Lara's? The girls were trying to figure out what bra size would fit me...
T: 34 B.
J: I can see the 34 but not the B.
T: J, did you convey to M that you are turned on by geese?
J: Hey, M...
M: See, now you've got me all giggly!
J: How can you be 23?
CW: January.
J: I'm 21!
MP: How can you be 21?
J: When did I turn 22?
CW: When's your birthday?
MP: August.
J: August first.
CW: What year?
J: Nineteen-eighty...oh my god I'm OLD!!!
CW: I'm not really a physical contact sort of person.
MP: Yeah, I've noticed. Except when it comes to punching people.
MP: I don't know why this came to mind, but in high school sex ed, the best way to start, is to tell the kids '14 or 15 years ago, your parents were at it.'
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