September 29, 2008: There's nothing wrong with good grooming

AB: I’m used to being around all these passive women and now she’s[S] keeping him[D] in line, and she’s[CW] threatening to stab people with forks.

MW: I’ve got an idea. Instead of shaving my legs, I’ll just pour oil all over them and burn off all my hair.
V: You want to burn off your leg hair?
MW: Because I’m just so hardcore.

AB: And on the first date, which he later decided wasn’t a date, apparently, he told her that if her pants weren’t off by the fifth date, that meant she wasn’t interested.
TNV: Five dates what?
C: Pants off, apparently.
T: Oh. I thought it was three.

MW: For me, a guy has to rip all his clothes off, or it’s not good enough.
V: And burn them!
MW: If some of the clothes aren’t ripped, that’s just not good enough.

A: It’s ok being turned down by lesbians. I kind of expect it.

A: That’s not fair, you can’t take all the women.
V: I just did.

A: So we found out that S’s actually interested in women, so he’s[D] a cover, which means he’s probably interested in men and he’s trying to find out if I’m interested in men and we’re both trying to sell each other off on him...no, not M, him.[J].
..
D: I guess you won. Congrats, buddy.
A: Damn! I didn’t want to win that one. I feel so dirty.

U: I was just admiring your lashes. God, they’re so long! I just want to cut them off and put them on mine.
A: Well, MW told me to shave off half and put extensions on the other eye, so do you want half?

A: And don’t worry, we don’t have the five date rule.
CC: ...Good.
A: Good. We know what we’re getting into....That wasn’t a pun! It wasn’t! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!

A: You’re not Bubby. You’re an attractive women who looks nothing like a guy.
CC: ..Thanks.
A: That wasn’t a good line, was it? Your eyes are like pools...
CC: *laughs* Can you say it in French?
A: Tu es...

JF: You know what they say about people with big hands.
A: They’re compensating.
J: They need big gloves...I like big gloves better.
A: I’m sorry. I was defending myself.
J: It’s ok. You’ll find out later.
A: [to CC] Please sit down. (i.e. between him&J)

A: I was hitting on you when I was sober; you don’t need to give me alcohol!

V: You get hit on by guys more than I do.
A: Not that many...it’s just because I’m friends with Osman! That’s why I’m still single! It’s because I hang out with Osman!

V: My dress is messed up; now I’m pregnant.

A: You could carry me home.
CC: I could piggyback you. If you held on tight and wrap your legs around...

A: I guess I have a goofy face.
D: I wasn’t going to say it, but...
A: Oh, so that’s why you like me! It’s my goofy face!
D: Apparently J does too.
J: Actually, I like your effeminate eyelashes.

T: Do you need a reason to do what?
A: To look at her funny.
T: I thought you look at everyone funny.

A: Did you want my cherry?
CC: Did you spit on it or something?
..
D: No, he said “Did you want my cherry?” and she said “Did you spit on it or something?”
T: I don’t know how you wouldn’t take that the dirty way.
D: I don’t know.
T: He’s got one to give away?

A: Were those yours? Those were very dainty toes.
J: There’s nothing wrong with good grooming.
A: No! That was the inside of my right leg! What are you, triple jointed or something? He has a third knee!!

J: Why did his pole suddenly become erect?
CC: He looks so shocked!
MW: That was not a good way to take it.

A: The monkey didn’t have boobs. What were you looking at?
J: It’s a matter of perspective.