S1: I know, but it has Eric Bana in tights.
P1: I can sit in your lap? Has the day finally come where we can show our love in public? ‘Cause we do it all the time in private…
S2: I’m still pretty much a closet case, P***. I’m not confident enough in my sexuality…
P1: I want to go. Can we go?
C: You need to learn to meditate. Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth…Slowly, you idiot.
J6: I wanted to be closer to S*** But not C.
C: Well, who would? I radiate evil.
J6: I wasn’t going so much for radiate evil, as smell…
C: I was using ‘radiate’ as a poetic word for smell…
S8: You’re drinking beer four days after declaring yourself straight edge.
S2: Yeah…
J6: And it wasn’t really straight edge.
S8: And he modified the definition of straight edge.
S2: Two beers.
S2: I find when I’m around you and P***, I sigh a lot.
C: Yes, I’ve noticed that.
S2: It’s also the subject matter. It would be pretty weird if you were pretentious about being in library school.
G2: There are some. But they stand out as being pretty…well…
M4: People liked to dress up for their presentations…I was pretty surprised when someone went to see a makeup artist for their presentation. For Research Principles and Analysis!
S2: Easter…that’s on Sunday, right?
C *hysterical laughter*
G2 writes: she lost it at Easter time
J3: We were expressing our disdain for makeup products in a purse.
C: and purses.
S2: I have a purse.
C *hysterical laughter*
S2: Well, what else would I call it?! It’s a purse!
J6: It’s a bag! I have a bag just like it!!!
J7: Let’s solve this with archival description—no, come on, it’ll be funny!
C: I don’t think more beer will help.
J3: There’s always the hope, delusional though it may be.
M4: It’s the humble thoughts of a North Montrealer. But I should be mayor. And, don’t worry, I’ll take care of the snow.
J7: I used to make up stories when I was a tour guide about Labrador. Like, “It was called the Golden Isle…”
S2 (nostalgically): It was my first tear gas.
G2: Was it fruitful?
S2: I’d say it was, yes.
C: I still think he’s a vampire.
S8: Who?? Did you just say Jesus is a vampire?
J6: No, he’s a vampire slayer. Did any of you see the movie Jesus the Vampire slayer?
M4: My neighbour, who’s a witch, she’s a prostitute. She’s really old…I couldn’t believe it when the police first came. I was like ‘NO!!!!!
S8: She’s talented.
J3: Multi-talented if she’s also a witch.
S8: I’m improving my vocabulary every day. “pimp”-“pimp.”
M4: You speak French and you don’t even know it.
S2: Oh my god there are two? I didn’t know there were two! Je ne suis pas ton blonde!!!
__________________________
OH: She was like, you only live once, so you might as well do things that make you happy.
CW: You only die once too.
O: That’s besides the point.
TNV: You can die more than once if you have out of body experiences. Clinical death.
O: That’s true.
CW: I intend to die only once. That sounds terribly inefficient.
CC: So I went to Health Services and I said “Hi, I’ve been having violent dry heaves and fainting and I feel funny.” and they said “You’re pregnant.” and I said “No I’m not!” but they made me take a pregnancy test…but I got my deferral so it came out alright.
O: There’s something in the air at Carleton.
O: I was like, what do you do with bullies? I would tattle to the teacher. Oh, wait, she’s sleeping with the teacher…everything went downhill after puberty.
CC: I can’t believe I got hit on and didn’t even know it!!
CC: Some people are really depressed because they don’t have any good friends or someone to care for...
T: Or it’s the time of year, they don’t have sunlight, or chocolate…
CW: Or they’re in library school…
O: You could be like a honey trap. “With one look, I can make a professor pop a boner in class.” I’m sure there’s a demand for that in the workforce.
T: Well he smoked a lot and he took drugs a lot. He was like the Kurt Cobain of Russia, only better.
O: Please write that, it made me happy…you’re like the secretary, that’s awesome.
T: The sexy blonde secretary.
CW: I believe in self-respect!!
O: Library school teaches you self-respect?
CW: I’m trying to hold onto it for dear life.
CC: I told everyone I know about your Archie comic project.
CW: Oh god…
O: So, if I ever had a child, I’m going to give every one of them ‘Danger’ as their middle name. So they can legitimately say “Danger is my middle name.”…I’m going to write the best book about parenting ever. I’ll be the L. Ron Hubbard of parenting.
O: You know what I totally want to do? I want to go on a speed-dating thing, and the first thing I do when they sit down, is say “I don’t like you; go away.”
T: When I wrote a poem to study for my calculus exam, it was possibly the stupidest poem in the history of the universe. I rhymed “Stokes” with “blokes” because I needed to remember Stokes theorem…
O: I’ve got an idea. We’re all good at nerdy things, right? We should write a book about nerdy studying things.
CC: “Nerd Tips for Retards.”
O: So rejection is just “I don’t want to make kissy faces with you and have sexy time with you” but nothing else is contingent upon it except sexy time…apparently whenever I talk about relationships then I do hand puppets. It’s like “I like you” I like you too” “mwah!” I told that too my prof and she was like “…”
C: People always tell me that I’m hard to read, but I’m like ‘but everything I say is accurate and relevant to the discussion! Why are you reading my expression???’
O: It’s because most people are used to functioning on a monkey level and when they meet a real human being, they don’t know how to deal with it…
O: “Roses are red/ Violets are blue / Xylem is dead / And so are you.” That was my little mnemonic poem.
__________________________
C: The pope cancelled purgatory, did you hear that?
JW: Yeah, he cancelled it, what the hell??
Dad: I was looking forward to that.
__________________________
C: Is it a problem that, in my personal music collection, I have a folder called “Music People Cut Themselves To”?
J1: It’s not healthy, maybe…
S2: I missed that.
S1 She’ll(L) cut hair for sexual favours.
S2: Now I’m booked 3 times today.
C2: S**’s a big whore.
J1: It’s ten minutes well-spent…eight…
C: I still think a catapult is a perfectly appropriate reaction to an overly large spoon.
J1: ‘Mah spoon is too big!’
C: Yet another way men are from Mars and women are from Venus? Because according to all those studies, I’m a man.
V: That’s why were not doing management styles, C.
P1: I feel like I’m going to tell somebody off real soon.
A1: You said that last year, and I waited.
P1: No, I said I was going to tell off a specific person, but I’m telling you guys because if it was one of you, I’m sorry and it was completely uncalled for.
A1: That’s ok, I’ll just kick you in the nuts.
P1: Except you with your notebook. That would be called for.
S8: Is it wrong to hate people because they’re stupid?
C: No.
S8: Good. Because I hate a lot of people because they’re stupid.
S2: Tell me. Whisper it tenderly into my ear, P***.
P1: Anything for you, S***. Tonight, when we’re along, just the two of us…
C: We all know you weren’t really talking.
P1: It was mostly pillow talk. It nibbled on that spot that really gets me…why do you do this to yourself?
S2: What, talk to you?
P1: Yes.
P1: ..A*** asked me, ‘who would you rather have a girl or a guy?’ and I said ‘Well, there are a lot more dishes to be done, than driveways to be shoveled, so I guess a girl’ it was just the first thing that came into my head…
S2: …It’s this skill that people who aren’t P** learn…
P1: What’s that?
S2: It’s like, before you speak, there’s this filter: “Will I be beaten for saying this?”
C: ..I kind of respect her for that. But I still think she’s too perky.
P1: We can’t all be the Angel of Death like you. If a guy showed up on a date with flowers, you’d be like…
C: I prefer trees.
P1: …“Thanks for giving me dead flowers. They’re dead now. Withering.”
P1: What are you doing here?
A1: Oh, I have to meet my who-who.
P1: Your hoo-hoo? That’s usually something that’s attached to your body.
A1: Oh, then my them-them.
P1: Then I know what you’re talking about. Please don’t call it that again.
K1?: I used to babysit and whenever I answered the phone they’d think I was the kid. And so I answered like I was. “Yeah, mumma’s fine..”
P1: I need to go poopoo now, bye.”
P1: I worked at an apartment building for elderly people and that’s why I know what it’s like to be a women. These creepy old men and these creepy old women were checking me out….I was walking down the hallway and I’d hear these doors open and this creepy old lady would be peeking out the door, like “ghgssh…” I know what it feels like to be an object.
J8: And when they flirt with you when you get them their coffee. And it’s just like.. “yeah…I’ll get you some more jello.”
K1: They just want your blood. So they can grow young again.
S1: I made a poster with Hello Kitty characters and I still got an A.
C: Archie comics. I told my friends that…
S1: Oh, I don’t tell anyone that…
C: …and they’re still disseminating the story.
S1:..because they’d think I was in a mental institution and just pretending I was in Grad School.
S2: Are you telling me it was better than Tim Horton’s Museum of Awesomeness and Institute for Advanced Research?? Because that was a special moment we shared together!
S1 You’re breaking his heart.
P1: No, listen. The first part she presented her PhD research on information seeking models and then we made our own. I was working with K**, C3, and some girl I didn’t know…
S2: C3? C3? *storms out*
J1: You seem like the kind of person who wouldn’t want to bring children into this cruel world.
P1: I want to teach them to hate the same things I hate.
S1: he wants to have minions, not children.
--Various, what if they disagree with you, become uber-religious speculations--
P1: So long as they’re not Baptists.
…S2: What if they become Republicans?
P1: They’re going to be disowned for living in the States first of all.
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