S1: That's a good thing. As Martha Stewart would say, that's a good thing.
C: Or McDonalds. I have never bought from McDonalds or Walmart.
S1: Now you're kind of a freak actually.
G: I love their slogan: 'We Sell For Less.' When I first saw that I though it said 'We settle for less.' I thought 'yeah, that's kind of true actually, but that's not good advertising.
-This is more like an Education degree, where if you go up to the Faculty of Education, everyone's giving each other a group hug.
A1: Ew.
P: That makes sense. "Where's the Playboy?" and "Where's the bathroom?" It's like..'awww....I'm not shelving that.....'
P: Well, university libraries are not much better. It's with someone else.
J1: At least it's in something and not on the computer...she's writing it down!
P: I like how a woman has just described it as 'something.'
J1: Not having my best day.
P: I loved university. I wanted to go to university for the rest of my life. This school makes me want the rest of my life to be as short as possible.
C: That's pretty bad if you'd rather clean your bathroom than study.
J1: At least your bathroom isn't telling you you're going to fail!
P: What I'm getting at is that you have a huge mouth. Small children could get lost in there.
A1: Think what else could get lost in there....donkeys?
P: I don't know if you're aware of this, but making a guy think of his dick and balls disappearing anywhere us not erotic.....oh god, what are you writing now?!?!? There is nothing appropriate that should be written down.
P: You ate worms in kindergarten, didn't you?
C: No, I threw them at people.
P: I have back problems, not worms.
P: Someone tell me to go back to the lab and do my project.
E: Go back to the lab and do your project.
P: Screw you! Who are you to tell me what to do?!
P: Somehow you(C) figure out that fries in a styrofoam container get soggy after an hour but you haven't figured out not to step on thumb tacks?
P: You'd make a great hobo.
C: You're not the first person to tell me that.
C: I like deSade. I read him in like grade seven. I didn't really mention it, though. My parents encouraged reading, but not that much.
S1: That actually explains a lot.
B2: If the Starship Enterprise were to publish its captain's log, it would go under Enterprise, not Kirk, James T.
B2: Any other questions about card catalogues, other than 'why?'?
L: Many works are assigned only one subject heading. If you get to five, you should give serious thought to the emptiness of your life.
S2: I've never met a well-adjusted cataloguer, though. It might be possible, but...
C2: I think you should keep your loonie, considering you've talked me down $49. You've earned it.
A1: He doesn't indent his citations. Did you notice that? I feel that's like wiping back to front.....ok, you can write that down. I feel very strongly about that.
A1: Everyone who's not timid, confused, or a child on this is a man.
C: (laughs) That's awesome.
A1: No it isn't. It's bad. You're not writing, are you? Goddamnit, C, you can't have a conversation with you!!
A1: It's better than 'distinguished women of past and present.' Distinguished by what? Their rank smell?
A1: I kind of feel like I should be disqualified from these questions because I'm American. Although that's a very American thing to say.
C: It is a very American thing to say. What if one of your users wants to know about Canada?
A1: All they'll want to know is if we have igloos up here. And I can tell them that. 'No, the capitol of Canada is not Quebec city.'
C: Or Toronto.
A1: 'A province is not the same as a territory.' 'You have territories? Like Guam?'
C: They're(the notebooks) like the only thing in my life I've commit suicide over losing.
A1: What about your cats?
C: They're not mine. They're my family's...I'd want to commit suicide, but I'd probably be unsuccessful.
A1: So it would be like a cry for attention?
C: You made a beautiful table.
A1: I did. And I puke on it!! That was distasteful. I know.
A1: I'm going to fail.
C: You're not going to fail.
A1: I'm going to fail.
C: You're not going to fail.
A1: You're full of shit.
C: I'm not.
A1: You probably have that kitty plasma disease.
A1: What if you were invited to the President's dinner, like your mother always said, and you don't know which fork to use...
C: Outside in.
R: You find a rich man, become his prostitute...get the hotel manager to teach you...
P: Listen, just because you're going to pass and do better than the rest of us doesn't give you the right to speak to us.
A1: Why are you leaving?
P: What the hell? Why aren't we leaving?
P: And yet you ask why she's leaving.
A1: Well, yes. It's an investment to put this much misery into something.
A3: Did anyone else want to just draw angry things on the Simone de Beauvoir question?
K: Sometimes getting cancer is worth the people around you's sanity.
--: If you wanted to look up the occurence of cancer in chain-smoking menopausal females...
C: I was three years off in the beginning and twenty years off at the end.
P: Yeah, I was four centuries off...
P: Show up to class on time and try to fail. That would be quite the accomplishment...S3 will supply the bullet to anyone who fails a class in this school by accident.
A3: It's like, I got my bachelor's degree and suddenly became retarded.
A3: If this exam had really tested us on the content of the class, it would have been a giant sudoku puzzle.
C: Why are you fondling the decorations?
P: Why is it everytime I touch something you assume I'm fondling it?
C: Because I like the word?
P: Oh. Remind me never to touch you.
Q: Oprah is the most powerful woman in the world. With a snap of her fingers, she can get hundreds of thousands of women to kill their husbands.
Q: It's like, library school--why don't we just have a pep rally?
S2: What are you still doing here?
P: I've come to molest things, apparently.
C: No! Not my Sens mug! My Sens mug is pure!!!
P: ...not anymore...
S2: That's supposed to be one of the advantages of a crack habit, it's less expensive than heroin...
Q: In France, depanneur is tow truck....so I was like, 'why are there so many tow truck companies here? Must be all the snow..'
Q: Leo's nice to talk to, but...
C: He doesn't talk back.
Q: When he does, that's when I start worrying about myself.
A1: My diagram looks so sexy.
Q: Oh yeah, it looks good.
C: It turns me on.
Q: I was the one who put the coloured bullets in.
A1: That was you? You high-maintenance bitch, you.
A1: That's right, you can't write that down, because there aren't any words in it!!!!!
Q: What really bothers me is 'season's greetings.' I mean, you could say that in spring..
A1: No, it's like, happy winter, may your nuts fall to the ground...
A1: I think God is not gender-specific. Like a Ken doll...
Q: You know the difference between a gay man and a straight man? When a gay man compliments your sweater, he likes your sweater. When a straight man says he likes your sweater, he likes how your tits look in it.
A1: You're being complimented either way. 'Your mammary glands look hot...'
A1: Places with immensely attractive people scare me. They make me think I'm eating the wrong things. They probably live off seaweed.
A: It's like in West Virginia you see someone on the porch and you're like, 'damn, that's one person?!' And they reproduce, that's the amazing part. People have sex with them.
Q: Reaching stick..
A1: Parting the Red Sea..
A1: I remember watching you(C) in your presentation and you looked like you were saying half of it to yourself. And you were making these faces....you looked so entertained...
A1: Copyright. Open Access. Love the Users. Love them.
Q: Sounds like a Wal-Mart class. Smile! When people come in the door, give them a big Wal-Mart smile!!
S2: I would call this a study break, but I haven't actually started studying yet.
A1: I got funeral director. I guess it's because I said I wanted to work with people but I said I didn't like them.
Q: Well, that's one way to work with people and not like them.
A1: ... It was such a bummer. I had such aspirations. I was like, are you sure that doesn't say lawyer?
Q: Mortician is better than lawyer.
A1: What?
Q: Dead people are better than soulless people.
C: If you kill yourself you don't have to do the exam, right?
S2: That is my understanding.
V: But then you don't pass.
C: But, technically, you don't fail.
V: But you fail at life, C.
V: You have a dining room table?
S5: I don't have a dining room table; my boyfriend has a dining room table....that seats ten.
J1: S's a grownup!
S5: I'm not a grownup; my boyfriend's a grownup! Our apartment has grownup furniture! It's not my fault!
S5: Q finished 2 weeks ago. I almost hit him. He was like 'I was really stressed and I wanted to finish things.' I was like 'yeah, I was really stressed out; I took a bath.'
P: You(Q) got beat up a lot your first week here, didn't you? 'That guy on the metro said "vachement chouette"--Let's get him!'
E: Wow, this pen is made in Italy! It's not made in China! I've only ever seen things that were made in China! This is a find! I know it seems odd that I'm so excited about this, but...
C: You know you've spent too long doing something really boring, when...
__________________________
S1: Food shaped into shapes...that's my definition of 'Martha Stewarty'..
P: Not only did you make 'Martha Stewart' into an adjective...
S1: You can't write drunk quotes! It's not fair!!
P: It's her disarming appearance. I thought she was a nice normal girl, but then I saw some pictures she did and I was like 'eurgh! You have problems...What are you doing later?'
J1: You know what's sad? I'm trying to assess if his coat is army issue or not....I think it is.
P: Why would you know that?
J1: Technically I'm in the reserves....but as a musician.
J1: Another facet to J1's character!!
C: You sound so excited about that.
P: Because there are so few..?
S2: I can't say anything now.
C: No no, it's ok. Just get drunk.
S2: This is just going to get stupider and stupider..
P: You weren't here when he was talking about having sex with his mother.
S2: See, now, that didn't happen.
C: Why are you threatening me with death?
P: I thought you would welcome it. Now that the semester's done, not so much?
C: Nah. Yesterday, maybe.
S1: ..or I'd like dye my hair blue and be like 'write in the book--I don't care. You want to have sex on the third floor? Go ahead! But if you want to ask a reference question about Poole's Index--can't help you.'
Q: The department of gnomeland security.
P: Stop it!!!
P: I don't know if you've noticed, but a lot of people in library school have hit me. Like, hard.
P: Your palms are wet.
C: Shut up. I hope you die.
S1: Where would you catalogue cybersex?
J1: Recreational activity..
C: Why are you molesting me with wrapping paper?
J1: Sorry...it just fell!
P: Why do you keep talking about molestation?
C: I don't know...maybe I'm lonely?
P: Wishful thinking?
A4: Garden gnomes decapitate you in your sleep?!
S1: No, they have like shovels and other weapons..it's scary!!!
J1: Planting tulips all over the place!!
S1: I had a grandma who had like 200 and they reproduce!! Every time I go there's more!!
P: They sell them! They don't reproduce!!
S1: It's about necrophilia; it' s hot...apparently when you press on the chest of corpses, blood comes out, and you can do stuff with that...and I just ruined her innocence right there...
S1: Go sit on Sarah's bed! It's fucking like an orgasm!!
P: Remember the first time we sat on a kitchen floor together?
A2: I pretended to have a seizure...
P: And I asked your opinion on abortion laws...
S1: What did you do?
P: Stripped.
S2: Took my jacket off and threw it over P's head...what are you doing?
P: Taking off your clothes, sexy.
S1: Let me get a camera; do that again!
S1: Oh my god, you're giving me cupcakes?! Are you trying to seduce me??
W: Are you sure it's clothed Twister?
A4: There's a lot of enthusiasm coming from that room.
A4: It's not so much hating ABBA as it is liking music.
S2: Yes it was cold! But it wasn't two pairs of jeans and some frigging long underwear cold!
A4: Well, my warm ass legs beg to differ!
S2: I usually drink fast, when I'm not drinking gnome spores.
A4: You might as well call it semen. That's what everyone's calling it in their minds. That's what they'll all say about us later---'you know, the guys drinking the semen beer.'
P: In some places, gnome spores are regarded as a delicacy.
A4: See, it was worth it, because of the conversation.
P: Was it though? Was it really? When you have cancer tomorrow from the gnome spores?
S1: She's never been in WalMart orMcDonald's. She's the pure one...she's like the Last Unicorn!!!!!!!!!
P: Sweet! Canned tuna!
P: I want a plague named after me. One that kills 50% of the world's population....the Goguenic Plague...
S2: There's a Britney museum, but it's in like her parent's garage or something. It's not high-tech.
A4: It's like if you grow up Catholic and you're just like 'the story of the last supper moves so slowly...the pacing is just so wrong...'
A4: I was watching that and being like, that's basically what shaped my worldview. That kid's movie. Jim Henson is my Moses...
A4: And someday I will be reading a novel and I'll be like ''Dark Crystal! Jim Henson is my Moses!' Maybe that's her!'...and that will be my immortality...
A4: Well, we'll go with that, then. Because that's the version that doesn't involve you getting kicked in your sleep....I aspire to quotability.
S2: It's like, we're running four to two quotes here..oh! oh! three to four!!
P: I didn't say who had a thing for you, I said who has. My mum broke up with you like three months ago...
P: Every time you get covered in white stuff, you always blame me.
S2: See, first it was the gnome spores, now it's the feather boa bits...
A4: Never trust anyone who never talks and takes copious notes.
A4: How's he supposed to finish his gnome spores?
P: Anally.
A2: A beer enema?
A4: I'm a little disturbed at how quickly your mind went there.
P: We should play charades.
C: We should fellate what??...oh, sorry, my mind went a different place entirely.
P: You know what we need to do to her, eh?
S2: What?
P: You know.
A2: We need to bake a cake and not give her any!
P: (unheard) We should find a frozen turd and anally fuck her with it.
S2: That'll show her!!
A2: I want cake...
A2: I'm a waste disposal unit. It's all good.
A4: See that's the thing that I don't think girl strippers have to deal with. Girls find male strippers hilarious...
(general consensus)
A4: Like, I could take off my shirt and gyrate around and make girls laugh...but when a girl does it, a guys reaction is sincere. Hearfelt.
P: I don't think that's the right word.
--crotchfelt.
S2: It sounds like a German last name. Heirich Kratchfelt!
P: It sounds like a sweater. 'Your sweater is so soft! What's it made of?' 'Crotchfelt.'
A4: I think I've made my point.
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