AW: Jeeeesus. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? I've always wanted to say that.
C: Yes, but usually you say that to other people.
A: You're my weirdest cousin.
JW: It's fucking water.
A: Then give me some beer!
J: No!
A: Let me show you I can do it!
J: Everyone can do it. Whether it's a matter of you're legal or you're going to throw up an hour later is different.
A: You don't look good.
J: Yet again, we're going to Chinatown. Asian hookers are the only ones we're trying to impress.
J: He hates you.
A: He told you that?
J: Yes.
A: You have conversations?
J: Yes.
A: You have conversations with a dead goat.
J: He is far from dead.
A: He's been dead like a hundred years.
J: He is very spiritual.
A: J, what's your skill?
J: I look good. 24-7.
A: I bet I can pick up more women in a bar than you can.
J: You guys should drop out of school. Everyone's doing it.
CW: Good brotherly advice.
J: I just don't see a future for you in academia.
A: You're just going to be the Wal-Mart greeter.
J: If I'm lucky.
A: You're going to be the guy in jail everyone gets to pick up the soap.
J: I want to see if at some point this evening you're going to be able to quote B, who, like all of A's friends, never talks.
J: A girlfriend for Arnold. Look, that deer there. He would bang her so hard. It's not like they're both dead...
C: Yes, but usually you say that to other people.
A: You're my weirdest cousin.
JW: It's fucking water.
A: Then give me some beer!
J: No!
A: Let me show you I can do it!
J: Everyone can do it. Whether it's a matter of you're legal or you're going to throw up an hour later is different.
A: You don't look good.
J: Yet again, we're going to Chinatown. Asian hookers are the only ones we're trying to impress.
J: He hates you.
A: He told you that?
J: Yes.
A: You have conversations?
J: Yes.
A: You have conversations with a dead goat.
J: He is far from dead.
A: He's been dead like a hundred years.
J: He is very spiritual.
A: J, what's your skill?
J: I look good. 24-7.
A: I bet I can pick up more women in a bar than you can.
J: You guys should drop out of school. Everyone's doing it.
CW: Good brotherly advice.
J: I just don't see a future for you in academia.
A: You're just going to be the Wal-Mart greeter.
J: If I'm lucky.
A: You're going to be the guy in jail everyone gets to pick up the soap.
J: I want to see if at some point this evening you're going to be able to quote B, who, like all of A's friends, never talks.
J: A girlfriend for Arnold. Look, that deer there. He would bang her so hard. It's not like they're both dead...
A: You know what? Words can't bring me down. Because I'm beautiful.
CG: So in the video are you the fat chick, or the gay guy?
A: I'm both.
CG: You're the fat chick gay guy?
CG: What are you doing?
A: She's taking a picture of me kissing Arnold. He's got a good body.
CG: Or lack thereof.
A: He's got a nice complexion, a little hairy, but you can get over that...
B: Are you imitating Jake?
A: Am I what?
B: I thought you were falling over, but now you're just being a retard.
A: You are so hard to relate to. You aren't a guy and you don't drink.
A: I just don't want to end up next to the old guy who's never been laid, and you hear Asian porn blasting all night...that's like a phobia of mine. Can that even be a phobia?
A: Are you writing about the porn? Don't write that! Because J will read it to my mom...
CG: I was pretty bored. I worry that I'm losing my social touch.
CW: Oh dear.
CG: And this was with a significant amount of alcohol too.
CW: What are you going to do?
CG: I don't know. Become an investment banker or something suitably boring.
A: If those guys attacked C, I would elbow them in the face.
CW: I would elbow them in the face.
B: You would elbow them in the face? Of all the moves you could do...
A: No, because the knee and the elbow are the strongest parts of your body..
CW: Actually, the tongue is your strongest muscle.
A: The strongest muscle, but the knee and elbow are the strongest parts, or your thigh, depending on your position, because it has all the fat...
CW: You calling me fat, bitch?
A: Honestly, if you were a girl, you'd be a slut.
J: You can be a male slut.
A: You're going to be that brother who had potential, and I'm going to go over to mom & dad's house and you're going to be living in the basement, a forty...
J: I hope so
A:...-year-old-virgin, walking up in your underwear 'I just watched Sportscentre.'
A: That would be sweet for mom to cook for me every day. My wife better know how to cook. Your boyfriend had better know how to cook.
J: He better.
J: I dare you to put that up your nose.
CW: Waste of a good fry
A: I'd still eat it.
J: I would too...if I put it up your ass, you'd still eat it.
A: But my ass tastes good.
A: Why?
J: Because nobody likes you
A: Why?
J: I hate to have to tell you this, but it's because of your terrible body odour.
A: Why?
J: Because you don't wash.
A: Why?
B: Because you're a filthy disgusting pig.
A: Why?
J: Why am I perfect? Well, there's a big man up there, and my picture sits on his mantelpiece, and your picture gets thrown into the fire every night...
A: Why?
J: I hope you're struck with the plague.
A: Why?
J: I am so glad I don't live with you anymore
J: Aw man, A, look at all [the chicken] you left!
A: I had two full breasts!
J: Most men can handle that.
J: You're part of the family now. You can marry A if you want to.
B: I don't think I want to.
J: I know, but if you were a girl, or if A were an attractive girl, because he is a girl--just kidding buddy, you're a manly man and I love you.
A: I'm going to make it my business that whatever J does, I'll own his company.
J: What if I owned what I do?
A: I'll be your life insurance company and screw you over.
CW: What if he's a bum on the street?
J: Yeah, what if I'm homeless? And don't say you'll pee on me.
C: (to A) Why would you want to spank your naked brother?
CG: So in the video are you the fat chick, or the gay guy?
A: I'm both.
CG: You're the fat chick gay guy?
CG: What are you doing?
A: She's taking a picture of me kissing Arnold. He's got a good body.
CG: Or lack thereof.
A: He's got a nice complexion, a little hairy, but you can get over that...
B: Are you imitating Jake?
A: Am I what?
B: I thought you were falling over, but now you're just being a retard.
A: You are so hard to relate to. You aren't a guy and you don't drink.
A: I just don't want to end up next to the old guy who's never been laid, and you hear Asian porn blasting all night...that's like a phobia of mine. Can that even be a phobia?
A: Are you writing about the porn? Don't write that! Because J will read it to my mom...
CG: I was pretty bored. I worry that I'm losing my social touch.
CW: Oh dear.
CG: And this was with a significant amount of alcohol too.
CW: What are you going to do?
CG: I don't know. Become an investment banker or something suitably boring.
A: If those guys attacked C, I would elbow them in the face.
CW: I would elbow them in the face.
B: You would elbow them in the face? Of all the moves you could do...
A: No, because the knee and the elbow are the strongest parts of your body..
CW: Actually, the tongue is your strongest muscle.
A: The strongest muscle, but the knee and elbow are the strongest parts, or your thigh, depending on your position, because it has all the fat...
CW: You calling me fat, bitch?
A: Honestly, if you were a girl, you'd be a slut.
J: You can be a male slut.
A: You're going to be that brother who had potential, and I'm going to go over to mom & dad's house and you're going to be living in the basement, a forty...
J: I hope so
A:...-year-old-virgin, walking up in your underwear 'I just watched Sportscentre.'
A: That would be sweet for mom to cook for me every day. My wife better know how to cook. Your boyfriend had better know how to cook.
J: He better.
J: I dare you to put that up your nose.
CW: Waste of a good fry
A: I'd still eat it.
J: I would too...if I put it up your ass, you'd still eat it.
A: But my ass tastes good.
A: Why?
J: Because nobody likes you
A: Why?
J: I hate to have to tell you this, but it's because of your terrible body odour.
A: Why?
J: Because you don't wash.
A: Why?
B: Because you're a filthy disgusting pig.
A: Why?
J: Why am I perfect? Well, there's a big man up there, and my picture sits on his mantelpiece, and your picture gets thrown into the fire every night...
A: Why?
J: I hope you're struck with the plague.
A: Why?
J: I am so glad I don't live with you anymore
J: Aw man, A, look at all [the chicken] you left!
A: I had two full breasts!
J: Most men can handle that.
J: You're part of the family now. You can marry A if you want to.
B: I don't think I want to.
J: I know, but if you were a girl, or if A were an attractive girl, because he is a girl--just kidding buddy, you're a manly man and I love you.
A: I'm going to make it my business that whatever J does, I'll own his company.
J: What if I owned what I do?
A: I'll be your life insurance company and screw you over.
CW: What if he's a bum on the street?
J: Yeah, what if I'm homeless? And don't say you'll pee on me.
C: (to A) Why would you want to spank your naked brother?
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