Tuesday, November 20, 2007: The Great White Hope

V: I could never be a Muslim. Pork is just so good. There are so many good things that come from pigs.

V: I lost my bus pass the other day. I didn't notice until I was on my way to school. I was so dejected I didn't go to class; I went to the video store and rented 'Step Up.'

V: Actually, cats are disgusting, but I love them and will let them lick my mouth if they want to.

C: I like watching dance but I could never ever do that. I am so awkward.
V: Oh, me too. I just like watching it.
C: I walk into telephone poles on a regular basis.
V: I walked into a telephone pole on Saturday.
C: I did that on Sunday! But I was reading at the time...
V: Oh, me too.
C: High five!! I've never met anyone else who did that before!

V: I composed several e-mails in dialog commands today.
C: How do you mean?!
V: Like, SELECT greeting AND...
C: You are such a nerd.

V: You know who I don't want to be, though? The guy who lives downstaires in my building and has one arm and a giant goiter coming out of his neck and weighs 75 pounds when wet....seriously, it's like a small head.

V: Do goiters hurt, or are they just, like, entities?

L: And the Library of Congress said 'ah, yes, well, in service to the people of the United States...' which I suppose is the raison d'être of the government of the United States, on good days, they started once again printing Dewey numbers...

L: And, of course, there are those people who say 'you can't use these 3 letters because that's not a polite word, so you can't use that as a classification...'

L: This is 615, but an elderly lady came into the library and asked 'Can birds fly?' And the librarian said 'Well, most birds can, but there are some, like ostriches, that can't, and penguins, that some say fly in the water...' but the lady said 'yes, I know all that, but what I want to know is can birds fly?' And it came out that what she wanted to know was can she take her parakeet on an airplane?

J1: This is going to sound so nerdy, but it (air pressure) affects the oboe reeds I make.

J1: It's like a warzone.
V: 'Me against the germs.' No, I guess it's my mucus against the germs.
J1: 'Final countdown.'

V: She's(Céline) just fucking bananas. But in a very specific Québecois way. Québec women are like that.
J1: Passionate...
V: Hysterical.

C: See, fall's a good in-between season, because all the bugs are dying. But spring's no good, because nothing's dying!!
P: I think that notebook needs to come out...and it smells like dead leaves and winter dog shit.
S3: And people are in love, eh. I hate that. Dogs kiss, unicorns lick each other...I hate that. I hate spring.

S3: I don't know if you could date someone named Tinky-Winky. 'Hi, mum and dad, here's my boyfriend, Tinky-Winky!'
P: If they did, Tinky-Winky would be the bitch.
S3: And they pick on Tinky-Winky for being the gay one...
P: La-la..
S3: Like the others are lumberjacks...
(re teletubbies)

S3: No, she threw her panties onto the stage when Mr. Dressup was doing his puppet show. He didn't really know what to do...

P: You come back and you smell of sweat and cornflakes and cigarette smoke and it's four hours before school on a Monday...those were the days...

S3: At least it's Mr. Sparkles--I want to put some masculine thing...
D3: Because that's so much better.
P: It's like, 'Snugglebuttons' isn't masculine enough: it' Mr. Snuggle buttons....

rap wedding vow:
I'm going to carry you over our threshold
And fondle all o' your flesh folds...
(or something like)

S2: Alright, note to self, involve hip-hop in my wedding.

S3: Ever think that could happen to a good song? Like, '....' that reminds me of the time I fucked you in a pet cemetary....ew..

on the consequences of S2 failing an LIS class:
S2: I'll write a note absolving you beforehand. I'll sign, and you'll countersign.
S3: What's better: I'll be able to sign off the bullets on my taxes as a charitable donation.

S3: We should start a rap group in Québec called 'Anglos with Attitude.'...because we're a repressed minority. We could release in Chicoutimi. It would be excellent.

S3: It could be so offensive. We could have a song like "Trudeau is a fag'....'Trudeau is a fag and so are you.'

S3: This is totally going to damage Stephen Harper too, singing about how great he is.
P: 'The great white hope.'

S3: You've just got to open up your heart and let the hatred flow...
X: You sound like Emperor Palpatine over there.
P: Can we call Quebeckers subhuman?
S3: 'The only thing I find wrong with the constitution, is that it calls French people, people!'

P: Did we not include Manitoba on our list of honourary Maritime provinces?
S3: We did, we did. Any province people forget to list when they're listing provinces is a friend of mine.

P: Helix is awesome! 'Give me an r o c k What do you get? rock! What are we going to do? Rock you!' It's poetry!

S3: We'll be remembered as the best band from Québec. Don't worry. There'll be statues.
D3: Effigies are not statues.

S3: We've definately got to hit Chicoutimi. I'm scared of that place. I'm scared. If you don't know French, I just lock my doors and drive right through...

P: 'I'm going to rape your mom like we raped your province!' No, raped your mom. Past tense.
S3: 'Gonna rape your resources. Word to the Queen's mother!'

P: Yeah, like, Montréal and Toronto are brothers. One's a womanizing alcoholic, the other's an accountant. Which would you rather party with?

S3: We're going to get attacked violently at least once. Just want you to prepare for that.
P: Yeah, I'm going to wear my hockey cup.

P: My wife will help us. She hates French people. She married me to make my life miserable. I'm just kidding...

D3: It's like, why are you in the group, though?
C: You could do the whole, conflicted, self-hating thing.
P: Why?
C: Because it would be funny. You could be like Hitler!
P: 'I hate all Jews.' 'Isn't your grandmother Jewish?'
D3: 'I have no grandmother.'

S3: We need to say something realy, really terrible, like 'I was against cancer until it killed René Lévesque.'
P: Write that down!!! So we don't forget it! 'Céline sings in English now---suck it!'
S3: 'Céline sings in English--so will your grandchildren.'

P: We're going to hell.
S: 'Where did you find the money to finance your act?' 'Sponsorship scandal, bitches!!'

P: I think they should demand that Jagr learn Ebonics, because he plays for New York.

S3: If the littlest hobo was real and supported a political party, I'd be on that. He wouldn't lead me wrong.