?: Who's ringing?
BR: It's me. Can you pass me to me?
B: Notebook high five. I like you. We should have kids one day.
C: Should we?
B: We will. Two.
C: They'll be very strange. But hot.
B: Do you come in boy form?
D: Are you talking to the girls or are you talking to my face?
B: I'm talking to the family.
B: Somebody answer my pants! Who's close to my pants?
NR: Come over here.
*N slaps ass*
B: What was it you wanted to say?
N: That was what I wanted to say.
B: I wish you'd talk more often.
B: If you break it, you're getting me a new one. How else am I supposed to play spin the top? That sounds so gay pornographic.
Er: Did you see his tap looks like a penis?
B: Fuck you all for going in my bathroom and making fun of my utilities.
E: It's like a baby penis.
N (coming from bathroom): What kind of penis is that?!
B: Aw, I can't pop your top?
N: Aw, well, next time, it's just..
B: Sometimes you've got to pop by yourself; I understand.
N: It's a good ass.
B: Ok then.
N: But I still say it's a little flat and pointy when you sit on me.
Waldo Fancypants.
N: I'm going to be known as 'the bag of baby man' from now on, aren't I?
E: J.J.!
D: Don't call him J.J.; that's gay.
E: He's gay.
D: That's gayer than gay! I'm sorry; that's gayer than my fag!
--
WR: Was it a small cake?
C: Yes. Officially like 6 people, but that's our smallest size.
W: That's ok then. I was picturing like a larger cake, for a community group or something. I was wondering what kind of event would you bring that to...
(on the 'I want to fuck you' cake)
TNV: My brother and calculus would be a love story. Only a very sad one.
T: ...we were in a scrapyard in Maniwakee...
W: Who were you with?
T: My dad. Who else would make me visit a scrapyard? No one else I know visits scrapyards for recreation!!
W:...But then you can stalk other people, and that's fun.
W: A group of weasels is called a boogle. I thought that was awesome.
C: I just realized how terrible my vocabulary was. I'm like, I can talk about aliens in the fridge, but I can't remember how to say 'rent'!
W: My brother's been kicked out of his own room, while living at home.
W: The other girl I know from parties, so I know of her.
T: You go to parties?
W: Well, debating parties. I don't know if that really counts.
T: That's all you remember about him. How much he ate.
C: I don't even remember his name, or what he looked like or whose friend he was...
T: Other people would remember his soft voice, his shining eyes, his gorgeous hands...
W: Well, metabolisms are important...
W: She just flat out lied to me. Flat out lied!
C: She's good at that.
T: I didn't lie about the space-dilation abilities of highway 117, though.
W: Oh good; that was important.
W: This is the most exciting thing that has happened to me! In today!
T: Salsa! Salsa! Salsa!
T: And you get paid for that, right?
W: No. They just send you places and give you money.
W: You guys have become much more scandalous lately. You have been coming up in the scandalous world.
T: I can reach you at any time of the day or night! You are at my beck and call!!
C: Frrrreak.
T: C. It's really kind of late to say 'freak' about me. You've known me for 12 years.
W: I can't even read it as it happens. It's pretty, though. (my handwriting)
T: Oh. I drank from your drink. That's not good.
W: I'm sorry.
C: You're apologising?
W: That's my goal. I want to be less responsible and stop apologising for everything.
T: W, the delinquent cold-hearted bitch.
W: Not criminal, just less responsible.
W: You'll get published. I'll publish you. I don't have any ability to publish, but I'll write it out and hand it out on the street. It'll work.
C: At least people can read your handwriting.
W: I'd go for it. I'd take the ten thousand a year if I could have Pemberley.
T: It's kind of fictional, though.
W: Really?
W: Once my mum came to me and said 'I think that guy was flirting with you. You didn't do a good job.'
W: Last time somebody asked me out, I didn't realise they were asking me out, so I invited someone else to go along with us.
T: As my aikido instructor once said, 'isn't there some sort of boot camp where they teach you girls what powers you have?!'...he carefully instructed me that guys have only two choices in life: celibacy or obedience.
W: You know what else I don't believe? In the movies, they always have these guys who are nice and sane and together...I don't believe these people exist.
T: In grade eight, when people kept asking me 'you don't have a boyfriend yet? Are you les?'..when that happened, I forcibly turned my gaydar off. Manual override.
T: I knew someone who's wife had a 4th dan in calligraphy. 'My wife has a fourth degree black belt . She can kick your ass. Or, at least she can write 'I can kick your ass' really nicely.'
C: Well, our high school experience wasn't exactly reeking of normalcy.
W: I went to a mysogynist party, where you had to fulfil gender roles. All the girls had to, like wear dresses and knit, and all the guys were in the back with axes...
T: His name was Fitzwilliam! I mean, can you imagine shouting 'Oh, Fitzwilliam!!'
C: Well, you could call him a pet name...You could call him 'Willy.' Actually, that's not so good. In fact, that's really not so good.
T: Fitzgerald means the bastard son of Gerald. I don't want to find out how the name 'Fitzgibbon' came about.
W: What?
C (probably inaudible): Well, 'Gibbon' is actually a name...
T: Son of a gibbon?
W: They're a kind of monkey? Cute. And small.
T....I'm thinking of naming a fantasy character Fitzmarmoset....Fitzbonobo
W: You are a very odd person.
W: Someday you're going to publish some sort of memoir book, and we're all going to come out as the worst sort of person.
T: We already do.
T: I should factor in Greyhound tickets to Montreal into my monthly budget.
W: You can come to Edmonton if you like. It's a happening place. We're a hip city...followed by laughter.
W: Your gothy perfume pendant? But on you it doesn't look gothy.
C: You degoth things, clearly.
T: Alas, I do not have someone in the back of the car to make out with.
W: Yeah, sorry about that.
C: Geez, what a hostess. You should have provided that.
T: W, you're not exactly cold-hearted if you apologize for the lack of guys to make out with in the car.
W: Yeah, I know D. We took dance lessons together.
T: D dancing. That's and interesting vision.
W: Well, we didn't make it out to a lot of the lessions. But we signed up for them together. it was a bonding experience.
T: I think if civilization falls, there would be more than one factor.
W: It might be one.
T: Especially not a television show named 'Wheels'
W: See? He has Sex in the City...seasons.
T: Montreal is a hip and happening city. Montreal is truly a hip and happening city.
W: Well, it's no Edmonton.
T: See? I do adventurous things...parking in downtown Ottawa; who needs keg parties?
T: What light through yonder window breaks? It is the Ottawa tax office, and someone is working late--HOARDING MY TAX RETURN!!!!
C: Somebody's a little bitter...
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