April 20, 2007: Ok, that was really decontextualized!

AS: I like that sense of when you’re dominating...

A: I bet Senators could kill penguins really easily.
SC: What are they going to do, fly away?

A: I wonder if anyone’s done that, streaked at a hockey game.
C: It would be a bit cold.
A: It would be cold, but I think it would be worth it if you were a streaker.
S: The guy’s like, ‘It’s shrinkage!’
A: ...The only streaker I ever saw was at a cricket game, but he was ugly, so we were like ‘this is so not worth it’...we were like, ‘we appreciate that you’re streaking and that, but you’re so ugly.'

A: There was this book in my primary school and it had, like, stick figures and they were having sex on a balloon..
(general confusion and incredulity)
S: Was it like supposed to represent a condom or something?
C...like a hot air balloon??
A: No, they were both, like, hanging from a balloon, and had sex on this bouncy ball...most disturbing book ever!

A: I think it would introduce a kind of schizophrenia.
S: I would say hysteria, but ok...
A: That too. There should be, like the DSM, some sort of hockey disease manual...

C: Yes, that’s totally accurate. Players do disintegrate when they get body-checked.
A: That would be awesome! I’d watch.

A: We need a compilation of all the different things that stem...of all the psychoses...(too much sign language to coherently continue)

A: In some way I don’t mind him(Gretzky) being a sellout because that way we get to see him a lot. Like Crosby. We get to see him a lot.

tv: ‘how do you make your truck, your truck?”
C&A unison: You buy it.
C?:...Why don’t they just have ‘how do you make your truck unique?’
A?: I think they’re assuming that the people who want this don’t have a very good vocabulary.
S: ‘Eunuch? What? I’m no eunuch!’
A...It’s very relevant to them. No, I think that most men know what a eunuch in the sense ‘oh god, oh god, please don’t ever let me be one!’

A: I’m going to love them? I think they’re just sad. They’re like H....it’s true! The Sens jerseys, the silly dancing...

A: OOOH!!!!!!! Oh, no one else to high five; I’ll just pretend to high-five everyone else!

A: Golf is a sport for losers. I think that’s what you get from watching hockey: golf is a sport for losers.

A: I would never eat a sandwich my dog made.
C:...I don’t think that is likely to come up.
A: Just on general principles, though: dog’s smell and they’re not very clean either. Not even my cat.

A: I love it when they’re evil! They’re so cute when they’re evil! I love that! When they’re trying to kill you and to scratch their eyes out...I love that!!

HW: Thank god, though, I now have two exams that I’m going to enjoy...That’s not that funny. I like school!

H: Where’d Vermette go?
C: He’s with Kelly and...
A: Jesus in heaven!!!
H: I really hope he’s not with Jesus in heaven.
A: Ok, that was really decontextualized!

A: It’s just...classy beer ads. I adore it. You’d think that would be an oxymoron.

A: It’s like, that’s what made Canada cool! Quebec!

C...Just don’t say ‘Jesus in heaven!’
A: I was saying ‘Jesus in hell’ before. Then I was like, ‘whoops! Jesus in heaven! Jesus in heaven! I don’t really want you to go to hell, Jesus!’

A: Then we’d be on the same page, literally!

C: It’s ok. Internal contradictions and bipolarism are fully acceptable in a hockey fan.

A: I know, but that’s what I took from that and I went...that way! (points helpfully)

S: Did you say ‘fag’?!
C: She’s trying not to say ‘feck.’
S: That’s worse.

S: Oh, it’s just I thought we were in Ottawa because I thought that when we wore the white ones...
A: (laughing) Oh, I thought you said ‘the women wore the white ones.’
S: Well, it would be true, if we were in Ancient Crete.

tv: “two immunity idols have been found.”
A: Immunity idols! Do they have a better immune system now?!
S:....Yes, *you* get the vaccine! *You* get the mystery drug!

A: I would die!
C: Yes, but that’s because somebody would kill you out of frustration.
A: (laughs) ‘I can’t get out of this fu*king maze!’ (knife motion)

A: If this (Gilmour Girls) was a horror film, I’d be like expecting the train to crash; it’s all so happy!

A: Sometimes I can’t help myself.
(S hears “hump myself.” Hilarity ensues.)

H: We decided the worst possible life you could possibly have...
S: ...is Alanna’s.
H: Ok, that’s number one, but number two is you fall down a rabbit hole and you hallucinate this whole amazing life, and you’re successful, and happy and you grow old and then you wake up, and then you realize....
S: ...you’re Alanna.
H: No, you realize it wasn’t real and you die.
A: You say ‘oh shit!’ and then you die.

tv: Warm weather is coming...
S sits forward.
tv: ...and with it comes the construction.
H: That’s not exciting.
S: I know, but I thought she was saying that warm weather actually was coming.

H: There are a lot of moral dilemmas on this show. Like allying with the Borg. Like, whoa, people. That was a bit much.

H: You can wave at them now.
A: You wave at them. I’ll just stare at them. Equally as creepy, but they’re more likely to see me.
H: I am waving at them. Jump up and down.
A: (laughs)
H: It would be really cool!

P: I find you all amusing. You really need that webcam...

P: Oh, France, just released their UFO records; did you see that?
A: Yeah...of all the places to go, France!

counterfactual history
C: What if coffee had never come to Europe?
A: I think some world leader would have screwed up during the Cold War without coffee. I wonder if Kennedy needed it. That Cuban Missile Crisis...

P: I think that (H’s superpower) would be really annoying.
A: People would kill her! I’d kill her with my oxygen powers!
P...I know! You could fill up the room until it is poison, and...
A: I could kill her!...I think that’s a perfectly legitimate course of action.
P: That was my suggestion. I’m sorry.
H: That’s not right! A’s the one that’s supposed to die!
A: (laughs) Most fatalities ever, without dying,

H: Aw, they’re gone.
C: You could always wave at imaginary people.
A: That’s true.
P: You already wave at the television, it’s not that big a leap to imaginary people.

A: Wow, he’s drinking!
H: So cool!
A: I wish I could drink!

P: Have I told you my Mr. Dressup story? Who have I told my Mr. Dressup story?

P: What, do you think when they look directly at the camera, they can see you?
H: I like to pretend...

A: It was so cute; he couldn’t act and it was like, ‘awww, he’s a real hockey player!’

C: To me, it just seems sacrilegious. You’re making Jesus a man-whore.
H: Like Charles II.
A: ‘Man-whores through history: discuss.’
H: Henry VIII...

A: I’d fight. In that situation, I’d fight.
C: You’d lose.
A: I’d lose. It’d be quite the loss, though. I’d go down with valour, and honour, to defend the beer.
H: Is that being written down?

A: I’ll mail a bullet to him. Equally as threatening...
C: Yes, that would work. He’d die.
A:...It’s like those birthday cards, when you open them and it’s like ‘whoa.’...
P: Yes, it’s just like that.
H: Exactly.

P: See, these are comments that when you’re watching hockey with a bunch of guys, you don’t get. Or, if you do, you won’t be watching hockey with them much longer.

C: I do that to people. Every time I’m around people, they get weirder and weirder, because I encourage it and then I write it down and post it on the internet.
P: They’re like celebrities.
A: Facebook celebrities.

A: I’d be a terrible TA, I’d get so irritated. I’d write, “That’s stupid!” And I’d have to cross it out. Smiley face. BIG smiley face.
H:...I’d be too nice.
A: You would. You’d be like 100%! I’d like you as my TA.
C: I’d be bad. I’d mock their grammar...I’d be SO sarcastic...
A: You would, you’d be so awful. You’d write this big, mocking spiel...
P: I could see a big MUWAHAHAHA! at the end of your comments...
C: It’s so true. I would so do that!!!....I could see Hilary doing puns...
H: I’d spend like an hour thinking of one...

H: I want Alfie’s hair back!
C: Me too!
A: Alfie! I love his flowing locks!!....I’m taking a vow of silence. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

A: Oh, you poor darling! (Comrie hits the post)
P: If I start saying stuff like that: stop me. Because then I’ll start watching the game with my brothers and...that would just be awkward. “Oh, Comrie, my poor darling!”
A: It’s like, 'I’ve been watching hockey with a bunch of girls!'
P: I’m a herd animal! I was trying to fit in!

H: If Havlat starts playing cricket there, I’m moving in Australia.
A: !!!!!!!! He would be so good!!!!!!!!!!
H:...He’d kick everybody.
A...He’d have the bat, he’d be like, ‘where’s the puck?’...(gestures of dubious meaning)...The implications are mind-boggling!

A: Ok, your rules suck! If the forklift can’t be caffeinated, what can be caffeinated. What kind of world is this??!?
P:...No, I’d like to hear where you’re going with this...take some time to think about this.
C: No, don’t think, that ruins it!
A: But lack of thought leads to inarticulacy!
C: Which is why we love you!

P: Ok, we have to be serious for a moment, so I can relax my facial muscles...we need to get the paper bags out. I knew we’d need them.

P: I’d like to see Superman riding a bike.
A: This huge man, riding a tiny bike, and he breaks it, so he has to get another, carry on...
P: He’s pedaling along, ‘Don’t worry! I’ll rescue you!’
A: ‘I’ve decided to be environmentally friendly!’

A: Can you read that? - random sample of my writing –
P: I understand some of the letters, but not the words.
A: I don’t understand that, as letters tend to form words...
P: What’s *that* word?

A: They spent 10 years researching toothpaste? Way to waste time, guys.

*signatures on the flag in the arena*
P: So, it’s like you’re at the game.
A: Yes, spiritually, spiritually, you’re at the game.
C: No, you’re always there spiritually anyway. Orthographically.

A: What the fuck is this loser doing on my screen?!
P: They’re not showing the celebrating team, just...
A: That loser!!
P: What did he ever do to you, other than be a Leaf?
A: That’s it!

A: Of all the people I know that would fit well into a mental institution, this circle here would fit perfectly.

RZ: You know, the way you can prove that time exists is if you spell it with a capital letter!
A: It’s like truth with a capital T!
R: ...it’s in the fine print!

R: You know what would really freak out a philosophy prof? If you’re like ‘it’s all in the Bible!’

A: I care about Jesus with a capital J because he Matters with a capital M...It’s like a way to add weight to your essays. Capitalize everything!

R: Oh, ever since I’ve gotten back from Ottawa, I say ‘damn’ all the time, Bente’s like, what’s happened to your language?!

R: Ok, this commercial basically says, this bed makes your child jump; this one kills your child.
C: Sends it to sleep.
A: I think we all assumed he was falling asleep....it’s like, the poison gas is released...it’s a wink wink nudge nudge to the parents...they come in, they’re like ‘we want that bed.'

A: Did he deny that? Oh god, I don’t even want to know.
C: That’s a good way to study: ‘Oh God, I don’t want to know.’

R: Z-S. We should found a publishing house called that. Or a sock company in a third world country. Hey, I’m getting a deja vu. Or, really deja ecoute.
C: Deja entendu sounds nicer, though, as it rhymes with deja vu. Or really, since you said it, deja dire.
A: Sounds like a salad dressing....deja manger. We could have a whole line!....discussion of flavours I was unable to get verbatim: C: ‘The question is, which end does it come out of?’...various commercials enacted...

R: Sounds like a salad dressing: this is the weird point. There’s like a thousand million things to say at that point, and you say that....I should say that more often. ‘hey bob, sounds like a salad dressing!’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘I don’t know.’

A: ...That’s like the most pretentious way to talk. ‘To quote the famous A S’...to talk about yourself in the third person...that’s awesome. I would laugh. Slash I’d probably bitch-slap them, but oh well.