T: Ow! Go away! Go away! Stop scratching my crotch ok? Your cat's doing heavy petting on me!
CC: His introduction(Health Sciences prof) to AIDS was 'Did you know porn stars have to get an STD check before they make movies?' And then he went into a five minute conversation about why we should stay away from Pamela Anderson because she has Hepatitis C.
T: I came out of there (exam) and I was completely zombied. I wanted to draw equations in the snow.
CC: The colours of a lot of countries...
T: France, Russia...or Aquafresh!
CC: What's going on? How can we screw up icing?!
CC: That's not a Spiderman-y colour.
T: Spiderman will be effeminate, ok?
C: Spiderman's gay anyway, ok.
T: But what about Mary Jane?
CW: Mary Jane is camoflage.
CC: Mouthwash?
T: Ok, Spiderman's wearing a blindfold.
CC: What's on his head? Oh...
T: Ok...Spiderman is into BDSM--that's why he ties things up all the time.
CC: How giddy can we get from making cookies? Alcohol was created for the weak.
CW: A horse smoking a joint?
CC: A horse? I thought I said a dog.
CW: Ok, a tie-dye amputee...
CC: But yours are well-done.
CW: Yes, but I'm doing philosophers and a sadomasochist. If someone looked at your cookies and then they looked at my cookes: who would they want to know?
CW: T, are you ok?
T: (indicates plate of heart-shaped cookies with flowers drawn on them in icing) Obviously not.
T: I try to be gentle. I really try to be gentle.
CW: You fail.
CC: Rhinosaur: it's kind of like a dinosaur...I bet if you rode it you'd be sore...
T: I like your necklace.
CW: Me too. Stop staring at my boobs. I'm starting to wonder about you.
T:....No really. I can't resist. They're wonderful.
C: I wish people would stop telling me that.
CC: More more more! Giddyup! Giddyup! Giddyup!
T: The mystery is solved!
CC: I'll be a terrible wife.
CW: Just marry someone worth it; then you won't have to tell him to sleep on the couch.
T: Under the couch?!
CW: On the couch....'under the couch! with the dust bunnies that you didn't clean up!!'
on kids:
CC: My fear would be that they'd do something supid, like start smoking cigarettes.
T: My fear would be that they'd fall and hit their heads.
CW: My fear would be that they'd do something stupid, like care what other people think of them.
CW: He (R) was a good balance of nerdy and crazy.
T: Am I?
CW: You're so extreme in both, there's really no balance involved...
CW: Why are we discussing this?
T: How to have sex on a rhino? Christina asked.
CC: It's my fault...
T: Fork R.
CC: Fork R?
T: That was also in the facebook quotation.
CC: Fork R. Poke poke.
__________________________
NR: I found a new ligament.
CW: You found a new ligament? You're growing extra ligaments in your spare time?
N: That sounds so wrong, that line there!
Al: He wants to cover her with his love. That seems normal.
N: Did I tell you that I'm going to name my kids Acre, Hectare, and Tractor?
A: That's stupid.
N: Acre's going to be a girl.
A: That's really stupid.
HW: I'd go. It's hockey.
CW: I'd go just for the smell.
H: I know, I love arenas.
CW: I love how you understood that sentence.
H: Some of them might be my age....making me feel inadequate, like I've accomplished nothing with my life.
CW: Yeah, that's one of the reasons why junior hockey isn't always my favourite...
H: Stupid Sidney Crosby's younger than me.
C: Stupid A.
__________________________
JF: What's so gay about IKEA? My apartment's got stuff from IKEA!
J: She wants to eat with a knife--go ahead. I used to eat yoghurt with a knife...
tea leaves
J: I am going to read your future. You are at a crossroads. There are three paths that you could take. One is the more appealing, but it ends quichly...The others are more winding, but longer..(tea with tabasco sauce and ginger sauce)
CW: I am going to read your future. You have no future. (drinking tea like a normal person. No tabasco sauce.)
J: Your future is murky....I think you will be pleased to find that your future has a lot of flavour...(tabasco sauce only).
J: What would happen if pandas and lions mated?
C: I don't think think there would be any offspring, being as they're different species..
J: But if they could....it'd be like a panda with a mane.
C: That'd be cute.
J: It would be like a drunken Irishman!
J: You have two balls...you're the only normal one of us and you're the only non-guy. I have one ball and M has cancer....M's removed his tumour.
J: I once had purple eyeshadow on one eye and green eyeshadow on the other.
C: Were you drunk?
J: No. I was attacked. They tried to put lipstick on too, but I ran away...
C: He was just insulting my language because he misheard me.
J: He has herpes?
C: Misheard me. That was strangely appropriate.
J: I don't see how that was appropriate..
J: My glass is more erect than yours is.
CW: Does that make you feel like a man?
J: It does.
J: So if people had sex with monkeys to get AIDS, where did the avian flu come from?
M: What's-his-face from South Park who has no legs.
J: Do you ever wonder why these towels are so moist?
CW: Are we supposed to take something suspicious from that?
M: Are you supposed to pick up your pencil?
J:...Seriously, though, have you ever pondered the moistness of towels?
CW: No. I suppose I had deeper things on my mind.
J: Such as the.....I've got nothing.
J: Yeah, I noticed you (CW) were really spaced out in high school. I thought you smoked pot all the time at first, but...
(general laughter)
waitress bringing water: I got it especially imported from the Arctic for you.
M: Oh. Thanks.
J: Oooh. Ooh. Can I have some Arctic water too?...Can I have some club seal with that?....It's like club soda, but with seal.
J: I once broke my ankle by stretching.
C: I'm intrigued.
(M hands C pencil)
J: ...She was saying that a woman's centre of gravity is lower so she wouldn't tip over as easily.
CW: I tip over easily.
M: That's because you got hit on your head as a child.
J: We've already established you are more manly than both of us.
M: This is scary. Two straight guys discussing the cast of Sex and the City...
C: I haven't even seen that show and I'm the girl.
J: We've already established...
J: It's better if you combine them. So if you're an accelerating frame of reference and you're banging a corpse..
M: If you're fulfilling one of those flung on the bed fantasies, you'd need to consider trajectory...
J: How much force do you need to get all the way through?
J: I wonder how trumpets would factor into necrophilia?
__________________________
MW: You know what I thought of? You could get a piercing on the very end of your nose.
CW: You could get it yellow-green so it would look like a big ball of snot.
MW: That was just uncalled for....or it could be beige, so it would look like a growth.
MW: I think H's melting. C, look at her face. She's melting.
H: I'm Mr. Fantastic!
MW:...Her brain is melting. It's melting out of her ears.
C: Can Mr. Fantastic do that?
H: It's earwax! Earwax. Loads of earwax.
MW: And Dink. Dink and Dork. It's beautiful.
C: You're a freak.
MW: You're just jealous you didn't think of those beautiful names.
H: Or Fork!
No comments:
Post a Comment