March 18, 2008: I feel like I could relate to Homer Simpson!

K1 Think about cats.
C: Why would I be talking about funding allocation to cats?
K1: Cat accountants.

J1: The thing about PhD candidates is that they've been researching something for 3 years, then somebody finally wants to hear about it...the words "captive audience" take on a whole new meaning...

S7: The worst one was that one, what was it, "The red carnation." It's like, 'what the hell is this, a blind date?!' Some management asshole was like, 'oooh, case studies; creative writing: my only chance!

J1: I was reading on CBC about these people who enter contests like monkeys...this one lady won, like, $40 000 in a year. Because they enter like everything they can find. It's like a job. It's ruined people's marriages...

-That was in undergrad; they used to talk about suicide as the one fundamental expression of individuality..
J5: They just didn't want to mark your term papers.

J3: It's an important point to make!
K2: It is! You don't just make wild accusations when it comes to poisonous gas.

R3: Friday night we hit every major bar in Kingston.
K2: Slash gas station.
R3: It took about four hours...

C: She says 'quick & dirty' all the time and it's just not right!
J3: Yeah, that's not a phrase you'd want a professor to say.
J5: MN would say that too.
C: Oh god...
J5: He'd put on the projector because he doesn't use Powerpoint and he'd turn down the lights, and he'd say 'imagine some tinkling music and a waiter coming around with martinis'...and then he'd put up an index from 1960.

S5: What class is this?
K1: Hell. Introduction to hell.

M1: I don't know if mine makes sense, but...
K1: Well, mine makes grammatical sense...

K1; Mine is called 'What is a Portal and What is it Good for?'
S5: That's a good title.
S1: My case study was called 'Dealing with Duff.'
S5: You really have to find your amusement where you can.
K1: I was really trying to think of things involving portals. Like 'it's importalant...'

S1: I keep waiting for someone to start screaming in class, like, crazy person things, and rip all their clothes off and run out...
B4: I already make punching motions at things.

S1: I'm going to have stories to tell at home. And no one's going to believe me.
K1: He is certainly a caricature of himself.
S1: I actually drew a cartoon of him once.

K1: I can't sit there today. I will be the person tearing off my clothes screaming.
S1: Well, that's worth going to class for. I want to see people throwing faeces, and making monkey noises.

S1: I used to read shitloads! I was an English major! And now I laugh at stupid jokes! I'm like Cro-Magnon man!
S2: Yeah, library school deadens the mind...
S1: I feel like I could relate to Homer Simpson!

S1: Why does that sound so dirty to me?
C: I don't know, but I don't want to know what you do with onions.
S1: No, not that one, the berry-picking one.

C: I would call that indecision.
S1: I would call that 'skinning the cat.'
C: .. Can it be a different animal?

Bartlett: At the time there were all these gathering in the forest metaphors for information retrieval. There was foraging, I still don't know what that one was, berry-picking...
C: ...clear-cutting, tree-hugging...
S1: ...becoming one with nature...
Bartlett: and you'd get blueberries from one bush and cherries from another...
S1: ..popping cherries...I'm going to call this the popping cherries method.

G: Nobody fails library school.
S1: I hope so. I would hate to be the person who failed library school.
C: You'd be my hero.

S1: I wasn't allowed to watch t.v. more than an hour each day,
C: A whole hour?! Every day?!

G: You know what they say, if life gives you lemons, it treats your scurvy.

S1: She says it's calcification.
C: That's disgusting.
S1: I know. My hand has a nipple.

P1: "I am often late." Does it count if I don't show up at all?

A1: Do you ever look at people when they're smiling and think 'Now I understand what the phrase 'shit-eating grin' comes from?'...no, C, I'm trying to talk to you!
C: ...no, I don't. I don't know what that phrase means.
A1: Oh, I do. You know when your dog comes in after he's been snacking in the kitty litter box and he's just so happy...

C: ...and I think I only went to one after reading week and I missed two the week after...
P1: You're a badass now. All the bad boys will be hitting on you now. They'll be like, "Hey, C, want a cigarette?' And you'll be like, 'Heey..."
C: I never really understood the appeal of inhaling carcinogens.
P1: Me neither. It's like, NASCAR. George Carlin's definition of NASCAR: 'fast cars, slow brains.'

P1: Oh my god, Stephen Hawking is trapped in our laptop!

S5: You guys are actually looking up dead kittens?
P1: No, we already looked up dead kittens. Now we're looking up 'two girls one cup.'

P1: How many of those words just turned you on?
*C holds up 4 fingers*
P1: She said 'semiotics' earlier. You didn't budge.
C: I felt a rush.

P1: You know what's great about geeks like you?
C: Everything.
P1: Besides that..You're introverted, so you don't need to raise your hand forty times a class. You might have an opinion on everything, but you don't need to foist it on everyone.

V: My sister's cat has giant balls, and even though they fixed him, they're still there, but they're deflated, it's like they just emptied them. Is that what they do? I thought they cut them off.
J1: I don't think they castrate them...

S5: I'm really excited about showering. That's my definition of success, right now: I had time to shower. I brushed my teeth.

V: I can't believe I used the word 'trip' to describe...
P1: Yeah, like 'You came out of me. Your head is too big for your body. Stop drooling.'

E: Yeah, all the rice in the world is fertilized with...human shit. We have the best poo. It kind of makes me proud.

P1: Check this out. A man did $40 000 in damage while running around naked.