May 5, 2008 : If your heart is deformed, what does it mean?

dad: Ottawa owes me money again.
C: Another parking ticket?
dad: No more parking for a while. Their loss.

CW: Of course, java-themed jokes can help.
TNV: They're a filter. They rule out the people I don't want to date.
CW: That's what I say about all of my weird habits.

T: I'm not a rebel without a cause; I have a cause: it's Chomskyian syntax, dammit! Down with wh- movement!

OH: Look how beautiful and brown it is!
T: Look how beautiful and beige mine is.
O: It's like the purity of your soul versus the darkness of mine.

O: ...no, they only see blue because that's the only wavelength down there. So The Little Mermaid is totally incorrect. She shouldn't have red hair; it should be blue....actually, The Little Mermaid is totally incorrect because they're all bright and tropical down there!!!
T: O, The Little Mermaid is incorrect because mermaids don't exist.
...
O: At least I still have Santa Claus...we don't even have Santa Claus in my religion.
T: You have the angel of death! They leave out milk and cookies and Santa Claus will come; you paint blood on the doorframe and the angel of death won't come!!

O: It tastes like chicken!!
T: Communion wafers taste like chicken?
O: Well, they should, shouldn't they?

O: Oh, I just love pollination. Happyhappyhappy.

O: ...so that just proves that sex isn't gender.
T: No duh sex isn't gender. In French tables have gender but they can't have sex!

O: It's a deformed heart!
T: If your heart is deformed, what does it mean?
C: You have very poorly oxygenated blood.

UT: We just gave them blankets with TB, and alcohol--the Americans shot them.

HW: Apparently, Mike Harris has six toes on one foot.
mum: That's just ignorant.
H: I think that's high school hatred.
dad: Anne Boleyn had six fingers.
UT: What's that? Anne Boleyn?
dad: She had 6 fingers.
UT: And no head.
MW: I want to harvest a bone from somewhere in my body and add it here so I can have a really long finger and point it at people.
mum: I think you're craving something. In your diet.
MW: I don't want to eat it. I'm going to have a really long finger and point it at people.
mum: I'm serious. Calcium.

CW: Who's this?
H: Amy Winehouse. Bad life choices, but she's good.

H: We need more strong women, I feel. You're strong, I think, and I can be strong. You're just....weird.
*CW starts laughing*
H: You just don't fit into any category, which I suppose is what you want, so go you...

O: One of the great things about birthdays is that you can impose your taste upon people.

T: Can you sew?
O: No. When I need to hem my pants, I tape them up with duct tape on the inside.

O: I wouldn't want to tell my grandchildren that.
T: About proposing in lolcat?
O: They'd, like, disown me and I wouldn't be able to put animal hats on them.

O: We're selling things, right? Selling boots?
T: We're selling boots? I thought we were building a Death Star! You lured me in with false pretenses!
C: You could be our PR person.
O: I could. I'd like that. I could be like "Look, it's not scary, at all!"

O: I find our relationship to be really disfunctional because he's like "I want to make kissy faces" and I'm like "I want to talk about my genetics exam and what groceries you're going to buy today..."

T: Politeness is horribly dangerous in communication.

O: I'd be like, "why do I have a shovel in my hand?"
T: To brain someone!
O: If I killed C, then she'd love me!
T: My dear, take some lessons in logic.

T: Because NFs make life bright and beautiful until they're like "ooh, shiny!"
O: When you move your head all the shiny things move and it's hard to concentrate.

T: I don't have thongs. I'm sorry.
C: Yeah, they're not comfortable and they don't even make good slingshots.

T: And they were made...to get you laid.
O: That's what I was thinking but I had too much dignity to say it.
(more rhyming)
O I didn't even get paid for getting laid..
C: Well, that seems inefficient.

M: You could have a really sexy national anthem; what do you guys think about that?
C: How do you mean?
M: Like "Canada makes me hot! Hot! Hot!" What do you guys think?
H: Yessssssss....

O: If it's vegan then it means it's somewhat healthy.
T: I can name you lots of things that are vegan. Turpentine...

O: That would be bad if people had me mind their house. I think they'd reevaluate their values....

T: Have a majordomo. I've always liked the word majordomo.
O: What's his name?
T: Ricardo.

O: I think my mother would actually really appreciate it if I gave her a voodoo doll of me for Mother's Day. And a little mop...

O: Oh sweetness, why must you taste so sweet?
T: Because your brains is hardwired to crave glucose.
C: It's a conspiracy. A conspiracy to make you fat.
O: Conspiracies taste good...

O: I've never been pied. I've always wanted to be pied. On Pi Day...

O: That's my idea for a love confession. I would write "I love you" on a pie and then hit the boy in the face....it would be the last thing he sees...

T: My vibe is pure and sweet and kind and gentle.
C: That just means you're good at deceiving people.
T: And that's my problem how?
(I still question the gentle, by the way)

T: So what did you have for dinner?
CC: I had roast beef and french fries and four little children and I'm expecting...
*laughter*
CC: Oh no! I didn't eat them!!!

T: The only thing I liked about it (gym class) was the rape self defense class.
C: That's because you got to beat someone up.
T: I beat him up goooood. He's remember it for liiiife.

C: I cannot applaud his taste.
T: I thought you said goalies were supposed to be crazy.
C: Yes, but do they have to like country singers?

C: I'd like to see an action movie that doesn't violate any laws of physics. I think it would be revolutionary.
T: 2001: A Space Odyssey didn't violate any laws of physics. I mean, it had aliens in it...

T: Well, there's a magical piece of clothing that will hide any figure flaw. It's called a burqa. It will even hide the flaws of your face...

T: "I'm trying not to look down. I don't want to look down. Oh god, I looked down."
CC: It's like a guy trying not to look at a girl's tits.
(re Ron McLean's reaction to Don Cherry's flowery suit)