April 12, 2007: Easter Weekend Plus

R: You know, hanging out with you(C) sort of destroys any attempt to integrate oneself. There's normal life, friends...with you it's just 'We can get food! High five!'

C: He was grieving greatly and it made him bulge. It happens.
R: It's true, though. Weirder things have happened.

AS: It's the best and least harmless delusion you could probably have. I'm feeling pretty good about myself.

AS: We (the Australian Embassy) need a really cool statue. Like, something iconic. A veggie-mite sandwich.

A: I feel good about being brainwashed. My brothers are all like 'Queen's has brainwashed you.' I'm like, ‘I know. I like it. I acknowledge.’

A: I have to figure out when my exams are, in terms of playoffs.

on gay protest man
R: What was his argument?
C: He didn't have an argument. He had a sign.

A: Wishful ducks have teeth!

"Last night, I saw my accountant repairing the toilet."
Take me to your leader, please.

TNV: You(R)'re addictive. Your yawns are...contagious.

T: I think this is woman's hockey.
HW: They're wearing pink jerseys.

T: Which team is this with the big swirly thing? The Hurricanes?
H&C: Yes.
T: Wow, I can deduce things!

tattoo: Michel
boyfriend: My name is Michael!
This is Ottawa; it’s the French version!
example of a white lie: “I love you.”
wrinkles are just an accessory.
Stop copying me! Even right now we’re double-dating! What’s with that?!
I’m stupid. – That means a lot to me.
You can call me Botox Spice...I’d cry, but I can’t.
Id like to vote mum off the family. I feel she hasn’t been pulling her weight....The family has spoken, mum.
western sword-swallower.

R: You seem to have a crush on him. (Benny from Due South)
C: Not so much crush as I think he's the coolest person in existence.
R: You mean subsistence.

R: If I were a vampire, I would have a secret masochist torture chamber full of garlic.

R: I used to smoke, from 15-17, to fit in. It didn't work.

E-R: You have a great cat! He's just on crack, and apparently one day will die.

E-R: It's 50% cocoa, apparently.
H: *You're* 50% cocoa.
E-R: You're *mum's* 50% cocoa! Your *face*!

E-R: Neo and I got in a catfight. He won.

E-R: You see the inside of the wardrobe and it's carved like "Mike was here." That's like the coolest thing about Narnia; it's a giant graffiti bathroom stall.

E-R: And he cleaned his car with Vaseline, I mean gasoline...

E-R: I used to not be able to say rhinocesoraus...damnit!

E-R: You've a fluffy hanging from your shirt.
H: Yeah, while *you're* a fluffy hanging from your...*head*.

E-R: You(R)'re probably the most productive. You're like 'I wrote 200 words. I'm like 'I wrote the same word twice...'

E-R: Aw, that just game me a heart attack. That sucked.

E-R: This is so sugary!
H: *You're* so sugary. Damnit, that wasn't an insult!
E-R: No, it was a compliment! HA!

H: It's because I keep deleting things (from essay) and it reminds me of the Cybermen DELETED! and that reminds me of the Daleks EXTERMINATE!DELETED! EXTERMINATE!

E-R: AHAHA! I won!
C: Against what?
E-R: Against myself. And the word "provocation."
C: Do you get a trophy?
E-R: Yes.
H: Or a medal? Or a ribbon?
E-R: Yes. So shut up.
*H whimpers*

H: But what if you found a dead body and started eating it?
E-R: It would probably be the same as if you started copulating with it.

E-R: When I got on the train, I was like 'Damnit, I can SEE everything. I could drive faster in a car! Oh, look at the tree........ok it's gone.’

H: (dancing) What's the rhyme with 'the something -ome and the something -ome...'?

E-R: He makes the most random connections ever. He's like, ‘the flying horse is a giant flaccid phallus.’ I almost put my hand up and said, ‘That's not very aerodynamic.’

E-R: If I were my shoes...
H: Where would they be? Where would I be?

E-R: Nice to meet you.
R: Nice to meet you too. See you...never again.

R: I would like to punch someone.
C: Why?
R: I think that would make me really cool.

R: I always say, spoons are for the weak.
C: Really? Ever have your eyes gouged out by one?

R: I've never eaten a rabbit with its eyes open.
T: No. We cut their heads off first.

R: I think it's an old lady who cannot cope with the cultural change of the time in Montreal. That's why she's all dark and grim.
C: It's because she's returning from the land of Death.
R: Is that Quebec?

T: She looks bored. She's like a typical teenager, only with better hair.
R: ...She looks like Louis XIV.
C: Well, he had nice hair.
R: He had a wig.
C: Yes, that's why he had nice hair.
T: How do you know how he looked like when asleep? (awake/a wig confusion)
C: ...No, R has not been travelling back in time to have an illicit homosexual relationship with Louis XIV.
R: Although it IS a possibility...

R: Why don't you read about what she is feeling?
T: It doesn't say. It just says she sat there.
C: And that she had individuality.

T: "Cholera Plague."
R: Oh, I've been there!...not at that time...

T: Those are the sad-looking French people.
C: They do look tragic.
T: I think they're looking at the cross.
C: That would explain it.

R: The immaculate conception. She's being made pregnant right now.
T: This is what they call church porn.

R: 'Bone-breaker C.' Although you won't be doing the breaking...
C: Bone-breakee?
A: That's like the worst wrestling name ever! What does that say about your chances?!

C: My connection to reality is...not strong.
A: So tenuous...like a little string. It could snap at any point.

A: I'm like, ‘mum, I've been interested in philosophy since I was, like 14. I feel I have a right to be disillusioned at this point.’

A: I hate metaphysics! I'm actually going to cry at this point. Tears welling...

R: But then you'd have to work in Australia.
A: You have something against Australia?
R: Not really, just too many kangaroos.

A: I'm getting a law degree so I can getting a job that isn't a lawyer job...get a...How can I be a lawyer if I can't form a coherent sentence?!
R: Don't do it!
A: Then what do I do?
R: Let's found a business together!
A: Doing what?
R: Selling socks!
A: I'll bet I'd be the best sock-seller ever!
R: And we'd employ African slaves to knit them for us. In a secret passageway. They'd be tied up. No, then I guess they couldn't knit easily. They'd do it with their feet! We could sell them as foot-knit socks!

A: If Mickey Mouse wants to go in our bookstore, too bad!
C: And it's required you show up in costume!
R: That would limit our clientele to like 2 people.
C: ...It could be like at those fancy restaurants where they give you a tie if you haven't one!
A: For a fee! We could make money off that!

R: You could always go into politics and seduce? some African country and become its dictator. And you(C) can be in charge of looking good.
A: Of all the other functions of government, you have "looking good.."
R: And I'll be the Minister of Development and Superior Power. And change my title every week.
A:...And we'll be and absurdist government. It'll be in our constitution!
C: No, our constitution will be a piece of modern art.
A: Yes! A black dot in the middle of white big space...
R: ...'It's right there in our constitution! Right there in black and white!'
C :..and Parliament can be a labyrinth.
A: For purity of heart! It's like a personality test!
R: And we'll work with monkeys and dogs.
A: Delegate our responsibilities to the animals...
C: Like Caligula!
A: In the fine tradition of Roman emperors...

-Canada's first known victims of violence-
A: Clearly a milestone.

A: 'Battle of the beaver dams.' Isn't that the most Canadian battle ever?

R: I hit a bird!
A: I hit a plane!
C: I hit a fish!
A: It's Superman!

R: I know! We can spend the evening at the dentist’s!
A: Fabulous idea.
R: I save the day again!

R: Do you like Risk?
T: No, *you* like risk.
C: He means the board game.
T: I played it once and I accidentally conquered irtusk in one round.

A: Yes it does. Those poisonous animals are gifts.

R: Prepare to be deported to Absurdistan. You will all work as lexicographers and homeless people.
R: Everyone should have his/her own cow in the bedroom!

R: That is totally what I'd do. Crutches, grey hair, nothing to live for. I'd totally take 100 people with me.
...
T: What about bathing and mating?
C: Actually, we were talking about A's impending death. But I suppose there could be life in the midst of death...
A: ...That one split second where everything is possible!

A: The poor car. It’s not its fault that Hitler drove it around.

A: What’s the most seth.th...Let’s try that again, without the inarticulacy. What’s the most sth...

R: Clearly I’m not an inventor. I couldn’t even invent the wheel. Well, maybe I could invent it, but I couldn’t build it.

R: I must say, this Due South thing makes me feel the importance of politeness. You do feel pretty special for saying ‘thank you.’

C: (on philosophy essay) I got rid of the insults. At the expense of perhaps some clarity.

A: He(Keanu Reeves as Buddha) just keeps getting lighter and lighter...
R: Why?
C: Perhaps to symbolize his greater enlightenment.

Nepean-esque/PMS

employing criminals and cops=continuous absurd cycle

R: For ‘drug’ I have ‘fucking.’
C: Oh, I have ‘fumes.’
A: I have ‘Freud,’ ‘cause clearly he was on drugs
R: You are so random!
A: It’s my power.

*on A sign language*
R: It depends on your expression. This is an insult. This is ‘my parents neglected me'....this is ‘I’ve been abducted by an elephant.'

R: What body part of choice is particularly delicious today?
A: How do you test?
R: By eating it!
R: Sir Loin! That could replace ‘so lame!’

R: I didn’t notice.
SC: It was right beside the walkway!
R: I was in my own mind.
C: As opposed to whose?
R: The garbage mind!

paper(paintball) guns
A: It’s origami to the extreme!

R: I need to start paying attention to what you say.
S: *Everyone* needs to start paying attention to what I say.

R: There are certain words that you just cannot say here. Like ‘molest.’

R: See, I just try to be a worthy soldier of the master that is your wit.
A: (laughs) S looks so impressed.
S: Right.

A: Violence is slowly become the solution to all problems.

A: Whoops-a-daisies. Oh, that’s a whoops-a-daisy.

A: INsanity. No no. I would never use the word sanity to describe myself.
S: I would *hope* not.

A: I’d like to be turned into a flower as a punishment.
S: I’d make sure someone stomped on you.
A: No, I’d be such a pretty innocent little flower...

A: That was some good chances.

A: I could be the preeminent mime lawyer in the world.
R: So, my client says that:
S: So, my client was in a box...which the accused had put him in...He had locked my client in the door without imaginary food or imaginary water.
S: “Your Honour, these people are imaginary people in my head. You can only see them because you’re all mass hallucinating. Please ignore them. They’re for my use only.”

S: High-sticking is actually rape when you’re on drugs.