D2: My pants are falling down.
C: Thanks for sharing.
D2: Either that or if you were paying attention you'd think I had got some sort of rash...
D2: And then she thought she was so dainty with her Perrier, which she then ejaculated all over her leg...see how one word makes it more interesting?
D2: Although if I am in it (novel), I want a racy part.
C: I'm not sure I'd be very good at writing racy parts. I'd have to get around a little more...
D2: What if you were just, recording it?
C: I think I could, like, hint at it but, you know, not write the really racy stuff until I, you know, had a little more, uh, experience...
D2:A little more first hand experience. That's good. First hand. First hand, and then mouth...oh you are innocent. Listen to you...
JW: Dude, that's better than being known as the guy who does, you know
-: Oh, he's known for those too..
S2: Coors is anti-union beer!
JW: I think they hate the gay people too...
S2: I went in to tell him I was skipping his class and he offered me a job.
J6: I assure you the two are not related.
Q: The CIA torture people.
A5: So does Microsoft.
S2: Alrighty. Who'm I kidding; I'm not going to G's class. Who'm I kidding?
C: Nobody. We already knew you weren't going.
S2: Yeah, 'cause that matters. 'I'm sorry I didn't get my paper done because it was Valentine's Day and I was drinking in a bar.' It's not like I was with my significant other or anything, I was in a bar...drunk. 'Drinking, man!'
A5: It's a new talent. 'I'm going to sing.' 'I'm going to pierce my ass.' 'What do you think about world peace?' 'Fuck off; I just pierced my ass!'
J6: It's like a mullet. There's the ironic mullet, and the non-ironic mullet. They're both different and they're both funny.
S2: Hey, I grew up in a place where muullets are sincere!!
JW: 'The Allouettes.' That's a macho name for a team.
Q: My friend had the best name for the Washington soccer team: The Kickbacks.
S2: See, the combination of sobriety and the notebook makes me nervous.
P2: What, haven't you met a writer before? I'm assuming that's what you are.
C: Yes. I also write down stupid things people say and post them on the internet.
P2: Excellent. With pictures? We need to get you a digital camera.
P2: It's funny how they tell you 'don't patronize the patrons' and you're like 'ok...how?'
P2: You know, there are times when you don't really want to overhear a conversation. 'Guy...teeny...plain...inf
C: Man, if I were a prospective director of films, I might carry around a video camera...
S2: That would be a terrible thing. There are certain things that are not meant to be immortalized, and I am usually one of them.
JW: The Vatican has the best pornography collection in the world.
S2: Alright, I will get a job as the Vatican library's pornography librarian. Fuck this archive shit: Vatican pornography!!
P2: ...because it feels wrong to be lusting after your necklace and admiring your ability to focus and write down these things in your notebook without knowing your name...
P2: I'm sorry; I should stop doing that.
S2: What?
P2: I've learnt to grin in a manner that implies I'm about to eat your offspring...It was a defense mechanism in high school, and I feel I've never quite grown out of it...
Q: Were you there when we were talking about Second Life and McNally thought it was Afterlife? ..dead people are accessing the library system...
J6: How high are MN's pants?
A5: How high are MN's pants? Almost nip level.
S2: Alright, I'm getting the fuck out of here before karaoke happens.
C: Have some more beer. Maybe you'll change your mind.
S2: This is not fair!!
K1: I used to vacuum my barbies' faces off. They came off with a vacuum.
L: Did you ever see Welcome to the Dollhouse? My dad told me I looked like her. It's the last thing you need to hear when you're, like, thirteen(?).
L: I read your note! I was in it! It was about G*** humping me!....in a clothed manner..
S5: I think I actually added you as a friend before I met you because P*** told me about your notes and I wanted to read them.
C: Oh, I'm reading about how we need men AND women as LEADERS and there are too many men and men are scum...
A1: Oh, you like men, C.
C: Apparently nobody else does.
A1: You like men and cats. Maybe women too. You'd be very mediocre, then. Men, women and cats...When you put it up, you need to put the diagram, too.
C: Thanks for sharing.
D2: Either that or if you were paying attention you'd think I had got some sort of rash...
D2: And then she thought she was so dainty with her Perrier, which she then ejaculated all over her leg...see how one word makes it more interesting?
D2: Although if I am in it (novel), I want a racy part.
C: I'm not sure I'd be very good at writing racy parts. I'd have to get around a little more...
D2: What if you were just, recording it?
C: I think I could, like, hint at it but, you know, not write the really racy stuff until I, you know, had a little more, uh, experience...
D2:A little more first hand experience. That's good. First hand. First hand, and then mouth...oh you are innocent. Listen to you...
JW: Dude, that's better than being known as the guy who does, you know
-: Oh, he's known for those too..
S2: Coors is anti-union beer!
JW: I think they hate the gay people too...
S2: I went in to tell him I was skipping his class and he offered me a job.
J6: I assure you the two are not related.
Q: The CIA torture people.
A5: So does Microsoft.
S2: Alrighty. Who'm I kidding; I'm not going to G's class. Who'm I kidding?
C: Nobody. We already knew you weren't going.
S2: Yeah, 'cause that matters. 'I'm sorry I didn't get my paper done because it was Valentine's Day and I was drinking in a bar.' It's not like I was with my significant other or anything, I was in a bar...drunk. 'Drinking, man!'
A5: It's a new talent. 'I'm going to sing.' 'I'm going to pierce my ass.' 'What do you think about world peace?' 'Fuck off; I just pierced my ass!'
J6: It's like a mullet. There's the ironic mullet, and the non-ironic mullet. They're both different and they're both funny.
S2: Hey, I grew up in a place where muullets are sincere!!
JW: 'The Allouettes.' That's a macho name for a team.
Q: My friend had the best name for the Washington soccer team: The Kickbacks.
S2: See, the combination of sobriety and the notebook makes me nervous.
P2: What, haven't you met a writer before? I'm assuming that's what you are.
C: Yes. I also write down stupid things people say and post them on the internet.
P2: Excellent. With pictures? We need to get you a digital camera.
P2: It's funny how they tell you 'don't patronize the patrons' and you're like 'ok...how?'
P2: You know, there are times when you don't really want to overhear a conversation. 'Guy...teeny...plain...inf
C: Man, if I were a prospective director of films, I might carry around a video camera...
S2: That would be a terrible thing. There are certain things that are not meant to be immortalized, and I am usually one of them.
JW: The Vatican has the best pornography collection in the world.
S2: Alright, I will get a job as the Vatican library's pornography librarian. Fuck this archive shit: Vatican pornography!!
P2: ...because it feels wrong to be lusting after your necklace and admiring your ability to focus and write down these things in your notebook without knowing your name...
P2: I'm sorry; I should stop doing that.
S2: What?
P2: I've learnt to grin in a manner that implies I'm about to eat your offspring...It was a defense mechanism in high school, and I feel I've never quite grown out of it...
Q: Were you there when we were talking about Second Life and McNally thought it was Afterlife? ..dead people are accessing the library system...
J6: How high are MN's pants?
A5: How high are MN's pants? Almost nip level.
S2: Alright, I'm getting the fuck out of here before karaoke happens.
C: Have some more beer. Maybe you'll change your mind.
S2: This is not fair!!
K1: I used to vacuum my barbies' faces off. They came off with a vacuum.
L: Did you ever see Welcome to the Dollhouse? My dad told me I looked like her. It's the last thing you need to hear when you're, like, thirteen(?).
L: I read your note! I was in it! It was about G*** humping me!....in a clothed manner..
S5: I think I actually added you as a friend before I met you because P*** told me about your notes and I wanted to read them.
C: Oh, I'm reading about how we need men AND women as LEADERS and there are too many men and men are scum...
A1: Oh, you like men, C.
C: Apparently nobody else does.
A1: You like men and cats. Maybe women too. You'd be very mediocre, then. Men, women and cats...When you put it up, you need to put the diagram, too.
A1: Normal's just the middle of the bellcurve.
C: That's where all the less interesting people are.
A1: That's where all the people are who had better things to do than what you're studying. If A*** gets a B in a course, is she less interesting? No. it just means she's been drinking and fucking that semester...
A1: I remember my mum(?) said 'Why would you want to be normal? That's so boring.' I was just like 'isn't it also efficient?'
M1: A mall the size of Seattle? That would be kind of cool.
C: I'd get lost. I'd probably starve and die. Become homeless, beg for spare change, and starve...
M1: Well, no, there would probably be, like, food courts and stuff.
C: But I couldn't afford it; I'd spend all my money and not be able to get home and get more, get to my job...I'd have to beg for spare change. There'd be this whole subculture, homeless people who just got lost in the mall...
A1: You would not become homeless; you'd start a cult. Although instead of the Cult of the Forklift...
C: Divine Forklift
A1: ...it would be the cult of the mall fountain. You would come out of the fountain like Venus, the foam... 'children spit in the fountain and it created foam and the foam created me....' That's gross.
C: Yes.
A1: Although, do you know how Venus was created?
C: Yes.
A1: Arsenic?
P1: I dunno. I was going to go with hemlock.
A1: Too romantic.
P1: It killed one guy I hate.
A1: You hate Socrates?
P1: Yes.
A1: Me too...I could be really smart if I argued with idiots all the time!
P1: I could use the Socratic method on kindergarteners. 'You could have one chocolate bar now, or ten chocolate bars in ten minutes. That's like the afterlife.'...and then they go off to watch t.v. And then I kill them.
A1: ...Library Services to Children.
P1: Oh right, that's our topic. I forgot.
A1: Oh yeah, library services to children: we've killed them all. Problem solved.
P1: You are so maladjusted!! A*** and I talk about how when we have kids, we don't want to be like your parents.
C: Seriously?! *laughs*
P1: We've actually had this conversation. Not because you turned out totally screwed up or anything, but you don't know who Corey Hart is!!!!
P1: Stop licking your muffin!! We are so not raising our children like you.
A1: I feel I spend way too much time in your book, C. It's not healthy.
P1: What are you doing?!?!! It's not a wounded bird; It's a muffin!
P: I'm sorry; I was thinking about snapping the necks of birds; what?
A1: Pigeons...don't you ever get..kicking..pigeons?
P: Don't I ever get kicking pigeons? That's not a sentence! Do I ever get the urge to kill pigeons?
A1: They're like footballs.
P1: R2D2 has the best personality?
M1: Oh yeah.
R2: Totally.
P1: He was a smartass.
R2: Exactly.
P1: You know that entire time he's talking about having sex with C3PO's mom...
P1: Being around you(C) is like being at my old job with people from Romania and Poland and the Seychelle Islands. I would make Simpsons references and nobody would get it.
P1: That's up on the list of places that should be firebombed. Pete's Fruitique and Scientology Churches.
P1: But, see, this is getting continuously raped for two years straight just so I can have a decent paying job.
C: So you can have Ham Sandwich.
P1: That's assuming I'm potent.
*C killing herself with laughter*
P1: Oh wait. is that the right word? I AM potent. Sterile. Not sterile.
R2: I'm good at descriptive titles. My entire thesis was described in one very long run-on sentence.
P1: My title was 'Suicide.' It was on suicide.
M1: That would be a lot harder to explain if it wasn't on suicide. 'Comparative Linguistics...'
S1: Can we make up our own case studies? About porn? Like, you go in and someone's jacking off and what would you do?
C: Join in?
S1: What? ...it's more realistic than the ones that she gave us.
K1: My mum sends me clippings from Oprah's magazine. I send them back. It's been going on for five years...she's like, 'there's this article in O, I think you need to buy it.' I'm like, 'I'm not buying Oprah's magazine.'
C: I didn't even know she had a magazine.
K1: It's called O.
K1: I had a really crazy dream last night. I dreamt I was really good at filling inter-library loans, and everyone was impressed.
C: This program's going to turn me to drink.
S2: This program's already turned me to drink.
C: You didn't drink before?
S2: Well, ok, I did drink before. I never used to drink while doing course readings and assignments. Are you writing this down? Jesus...Before I used to drink for social purposes and now it's to blunt the unbearableness of it all. Oh jesus, you're writing that down too. Wow, everyone who knows who S2 is, is going to think I'm an alcoholic. Note to facebook people: that was for satirical purposes.
C: There, I recorded your defense as well.
S2: Ok. Thank you...Now you're quoting me for thanking you for quoting me before...how meta- is this going to get? Oh jesus...I give up.
S1: You dreamt that thing?
C: Yes.
S1: You know it's going to kill you now. In your sleep. Yeah, you're doomed.
J1: Maybe it was. Maybe it was a library drinking game that turned into an article.
J1: So, you have the castrati, who gets castrated so he can sing really high, but he's, like, useless as a man...
V: *laughs* 'Useless as a man.'
M2: 'Useless as a man:' that's pretty brutal.
V: I used to walk around HMV with my fingers like this and do all my tasks like Yoda. the person with their DVDs would be like 'what's going on?' I'd be like 'Happy you are with your purchases?'
V: My pen's dying.
J1: My pen's dying too. As we speak.
C: Hm, rampant pen death.
V: They seem to have a suicide pact.
J1; She only writes down stuff she considers funny. It's not like...
P1: 'I'm seriously considering killing myself. I've bought a gun.'
S2: 'Oh, that's so funny!'
P1: Oh. I thought you said 'because your abs are so tight.
B4: No. I don't say that sort of thing.
P1: I was like 'Are there naked pictures on the internet I don't know about? S***...
S2: What? You didn't say anything about 'Do not distribute widely.'
P1: Those pictures were private between you, me, and your mom.
B1: ...See, I think people want to be controlled.
C: Is that why you keep asking about negative motivational skills?
B1: Yes. I wrote in my leadership essay...
C: You're creepy.
B1: You're one to talk.
C: I'm not creepy. I just help create cults devoted to means of lifting heavy objects. That's not creepy; that's weird.
C: 'Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely, God is corrupt'?
P1: Yes.
B1: Exactly.
C: The Divine Forklift is not corrupt.
P: It just lifts things. And puts them on a higher level. Moves things around...
B1: I do actually find that my brain is less good.
P1: Exactly: you just said "less good."
P1: I hate Piglet and Rabbit. Those are the people I would kill. Like, Piglet: get a fucking life. Rabbit: get a fucking life.
A1: I remember in grade 8 I asked a guy to dance and he said 'I'm tired.'
P1: And then he danced with another girl?
A1: No. Worse. I went downstairs and found him jumping on a pogo stick.
C: That's where all the less interesting people are.
A1: That's where all the people are who had better things to do than what you're studying. If A*** gets a B in a course, is she less interesting? No. it just means she's been drinking and fucking that semester...
A1: I remember my mum(?) said 'Why would you want to be normal? That's so boring.' I was just like 'isn't it also efficient?'
M1: A mall the size of Seattle? That would be kind of cool.
C: I'd get lost. I'd probably starve and die. Become homeless, beg for spare change, and starve...
M1: Well, no, there would probably be, like, food courts and stuff.
C: But I couldn't afford it; I'd spend all my money and not be able to get home and get more, get to my job...I'd have to beg for spare change. There'd be this whole subculture, homeless people who just got lost in the mall...
A1: You would not become homeless; you'd start a cult. Although instead of the Cult of the Forklift...
C: Divine Forklift
A1: ...it would be the cult of the mall fountain. You would come out of the fountain like Venus, the foam... 'children spit in the fountain and it created foam and the foam created me....' That's gross.
C: Yes.
A1: Although, do you know how Venus was created?
C: Yes.
A1: Arsenic?
P1: I dunno. I was going to go with hemlock.
A1: Too romantic.
P1: It killed one guy I hate.
A1: You hate Socrates?
P1: Yes.
A1: Me too...I could be really smart if I argued with idiots all the time!
P1: I could use the Socratic method on kindergarteners. 'You could have one chocolate bar now, or ten chocolate bars in ten minutes. That's like the afterlife.'...and then they go off to watch t.v. And then I kill them.
A1: ...Library Services to Children.
P1: Oh right, that's our topic. I forgot.
A1: Oh yeah, library services to children: we've killed them all. Problem solved.
P1: You are so maladjusted!! A*** and I talk about how when we have kids, we don't want to be like your parents.
C: Seriously?! *laughs*
P1: We've actually had this conversation. Not because you turned out totally screwed up or anything, but you don't know who Corey Hart is!!!!
P1: Stop licking your muffin!! We are so not raising our children like you.
A1: I feel I spend way too much time in your book, C. It's not healthy.
P1: What are you doing?!?!! It's not a wounded bird; It's a muffin!
P: I'm sorry; I was thinking about snapping the necks of birds; what?
A1: Pigeons...don't you ever get..kicking..pigeons?
P: Don't I ever get kicking pigeons? That's not a sentence! Do I ever get the urge to kill pigeons?
A1: They're like footballs.
P1: R2D2 has the best personality?
M1: Oh yeah.
R2: Totally.
P1: He was a smartass.
R2: Exactly.
P1: You know that entire time he's talking about having sex with C3PO's mom...
P1: Being around you(C) is like being at my old job with people from Romania and Poland and the Seychelle Islands. I would make Simpsons references and nobody would get it.
P1: That's up on the list of places that should be firebombed. Pete's Fruitique and Scientology Churches.
P1: But, see, this is getting continuously raped for two years straight just so I can have a decent paying job.
C: So you can have Ham Sandwich.
P1: That's assuming I'm potent.
*C killing herself with laughter*
P1: Oh wait. is that the right word? I AM potent. Sterile. Not sterile.
R2: I'm good at descriptive titles. My entire thesis was described in one very long run-on sentence.
P1: My title was 'Suicide.' It was on suicide.
M1: That would be a lot harder to explain if it wasn't on suicide. 'Comparative Linguistics...'
S1: Can we make up our own case studies? About porn? Like, you go in and someone's jacking off and what would you do?
C: Join in?
S1: What? ...it's more realistic than the ones that she gave us.
K1: My mum sends me clippings from Oprah's magazine. I send them back. It's been going on for five years...she's like, 'there's this article in O, I think you need to buy it.' I'm like, 'I'm not buying Oprah's magazine.'
C: I didn't even know she had a magazine.
K1: It's called O.
K1: I had a really crazy dream last night. I dreamt I was really good at filling inter-library loans, and everyone was impressed.
C: This program's going to turn me to drink.
S2: This program's already turned me to drink.
C: You didn't drink before?
S2: Well, ok, I did drink before. I never used to drink while doing course readings and assignments. Are you writing this down? Jesus...Before I used to drink for social purposes and now it's to blunt the unbearableness of it all. Oh jesus, you're writing that down too. Wow, everyone who knows who S2 is, is going to think I'm an alcoholic. Note to facebook people: that was for satirical purposes.
C: There, I recorded your defense as well.
S2: Ok. Thank you...Now you're quoting me for thanking you for quoting me before...how meta- is this going to get? Oh jesus...I give up.
S1: You dreamt that thing?
C: Yes.
S1: You know it's going to kill you now. In your sleep. Yeah, you're doomed.
J1: Maybe it was. Maybe it was a library drinking game that turned into an article.
J1: So, you have the castrati, who gets castrated so he can sing really high, but he's, like, useless as a man...
V: *laughs* 'Useless as a man.'
M2: 'Useless as a man:' that's pretty brutal.
V: I used to walk around HMV with my fingers like this and do all my tasks like Yoda. the person with their DVDs would be like 'what's going on?' I'd be like 'Happy you are with your purchases?'
V: My pen's dying.
J1: My pen's dying too. As we speak.
C: Hm, rampant pen death.
V: They seem to have a suicide pact.
J1; She only writes down stuff she considers funny. It's not like...
P1: 'I'm seriously considering killing myself. I've bought a gun.'
S2: 'Oh, that's so funny!'
P1: Oh. I thought you said 'because your abs are so tight.
B4: No. I don't say that sort of thing.
P1: I was like 'Are there naked pictures on the internet I don't know about? S***...
S2: What? You didn't say anything about 'Do not distribute widely.'
P1: Those pictures were private between you, me, and your mom.
B1: ...See, I think people want to be controlled.
C: Is that why you keep asking about negative motivational skills?
B1: Yes. I wrote in my leadership essay...
C: You're creepy.
B1: You're one to talk.
C: I'm not creepy. I just help create cults devoted to means of lifting heavy objects. That's not creepy; that's weird.
C: 'Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely, God is corrupt'?
P1: Yes.
B1: Exactly.
C: The Divine Forklift is not corrupt.
P: It just lifts things. And puts them on a higher level. Moves things around...
B1: I do actually find that my brain is less good.
P1: Exactly: you just said "less good."
P1: I hate Piglet and Rabbit. Those are the people I would kill. Like, Piglet: get a fucking life. Rabbit: get a fucking life.
A1: I remember in grade 8 I asked a guy to dance and he said 'I'm tired.'
P1: And then he danced with another girl?
A1: No. Worse. I went downstairs and found him jumping on a pogo stick.
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