January 7, 2008: You have strange requirements for love

**this is the last note transcribed from the green flower notebook. An historic moment.

mum: Well, the worst time to make resolutions is New Years, they say.
C: Because you're usually drunk?
mum: That's one of the reasons.

HW: It's laundry day!! do de do do de do do! I'm sorry. That's not a song.

H: I think I have a cold??? I thought it went away but it came back. I'm not ashamed to cry...I'm sorry. The songs just take over.

CC: I hope he learns his lesson: never hit on a student. Or if he does: be smart about it; pick a slut.

CC: Imagine it's like an interview: 'describe yourself in three words.' "Do de do-de-do."
CW: That actually works.
CC: It does, eh?

CC: That's always how I picture being drunk: skipping down the street with a bottle of champagne.

CC: I had to take an all-girls gym class and it sucked!! It was like, 'C, you can't kick the ball, you're making people cry.'

CW: I just feel really embarassed when I'm talking to a francophone. Because I feel I should know better because I'm Canadian and I freaking live in Montreal now..
TNV: When in doubt, talk about aliens in the fridge.

T: I can take quite nice portraits when I put my mind to it. Except of you, but that's your fault.

T: Those characters, I just love all of them. Yum yum.

T: Get more online friends: They're fun, they're imaginary, they occasionally send you packages...

T: I'm a nice person! I may not be a gentle person, but I'm a nice person!
CW: Sure. You just destroy the people who deserve it. Or ask for it, or want it.
T: A dominatrix Robin Hood? A masked avenger in thigh-high boots?

T: 'Love will conquer all'?
CW: But it won't.
T: What won't in conquer? Skiing through a revolving door, yes, but....if you love someone, and and you give them a piggyback ride, then they'll be vertical and you can pass with skis through a revolving door.
CW: But you won't be skiing.
T:....If I have a lover who's significantly bigger than me, I'm so going to do that and get a photo. I ought to hang out with more male pairs figure skaters.
CW: You're such a freak!
T: That's why you love me.
CW: True.
T: But not enough to give me a piggyback ride with skis though a revolving door?
CW: Exactly.
T: It breaks my heart. You don't love me enough....

CW: I can so see you doing that.
T: Why would I do that?!
CW: A joke!
T: I won't! A fedora hat, maybe.
CW: True. A fedora hat is classier.

T: Maybe making heart cookies with flowers and then eating them all is a love spell.
CW: Praying mantis-esque?
T: No!! Channelling your love energy out in the form of cookies and then reabsorbing it again, concentrated...

OH: I saw a picture of Britney Spears the other day and she was holding her son and he was wearing a bear hat. So your point is taken.

CW: You're talking to your hands.
T: Yes.
CW: You're talking affectionately to your hands.
T: Yes.
CW: Just so you know.
O: It's good to love your body.
CW: Ok...
O: Don't you talk to your body parts?

CW: I love advertising. It makes me lose all faith in humanity.
O: You have strange requirements for love. I can't imagine what your boyfriend was like.

T: What were the strange requirements again?
CW: Losing all faith in humanity.
T: Well, you're InTJ: that'll happen anyway.

O: I've just been tossed into...
T: Archangel territory. You are now an archangel.
O: I was thinking mroe along the lines of guidance counsellor purgatory.

O: I have a funny announcement to make. It begins with a dirty story.
(C picks up pen)
T: You know, the first thing I thought of is you're pregnant! 'It begins with a dirty story..'
O: No! Immaculate conception, dammit!

O: My introduction to sexuality was The Rocky Horror Picture Show which my parents made me watch. And I asked my mum whether the main character was a man or a woman, and she told me 'He's a man, but don't worry, everyone dressed like that at the time.' So for the longest time I thought everyone was a transsexual...

O: ...And we all went to see Lenin's dead body, and we all bonded over that...
T: I never got to see Lenin's body. I guess that's why I never made any friends.
O: It's like a ride, actually...

T: Like, you think having kids is a really big responsibility.
C&O: It is!
O: It's a huge responsibility!
C: And if you don't think that, you shouldn't have kids.
O: But you should still put animal hats on them.

O: That's my kind of birth control. Ignorance.

O: C doesn't fall in love with every Tom, Dick, or Harry. Especially the dick with chains....it's a compliment!

T: CC, the new Martin Luther.

T: They both require delicate care. They both require rotating things.
CW: Rotating things?
T: They both require the manipulation of liquids...
(sprinkler system installer and embalmer)

O: And I saw his crazy scruffy hair and I was like, 'I suddenly see the appeal of bedhead' and I pondered for bit and I was like, 'wait a minute, this bedhead is attached to a person'...
T: So you fell in love with his hair before you fell in love with him?
O: Well, yes.
T: Have you ever heard the story of Samson?

CW: Collect information before you act...says the librarian.
T: And slow down.
O: I'm getting romance advice from a librarian.
T: And a logician.

O: You're just asking for sex.
CW: I'm not!
O: Unconsciously.
CW: But I'm not!! I just happen to like hockey.
(T sits down)
O: We were just discussing how C is the epitome of Canadian beauty. Like, oversize hockey sweatshirt, doesn't need makeup to look beautiful, the kind of girl you can have a beer with.
C: ...except I don't drink beer...
O: Unlike over in Europe where it's like, dressed to the nines, perfectly made up face....you'll just go to a bar and they'll all descend on you.
C: But it's annoying. They're all drunk and they say stupid things and some of them even think pickup lines work.

MW: Someone should be named Rusty Rust. You're feeling me. I can tell.
dad: Rusty Tarnish. Rusty Oxidized Tarnish...

CW: Not all Americans are Scientologists. Don't be stupid.
NR: But they are!
CW: You are so ignorant.
N: I'm not ignorant; I'm blissful.
CW: You're stupid.

Al: ..and he was stealing stuff to support his Scientology habit...

N: That's a lot of head, man! You just gave yourself like an inch of head!
A: What is with you and innuendo?

N: You don't have to worry. You're still cute. You don't have to worry yet.
A: My girlfriend's been 23 for a year.
N: She's going to be 24 soon.
A: That'll be creepy.

CW: Do you bring breasts into every conversation?
N: Not every conversation.
A: I think it's been 4 times since we got here.

CW: "I don't want to kill people. I'm just going to."
A: Exactly. Yeah. I'll use my whip. I'll just disarm them with my whip and they'll run away.....so that's what I'm going to do: a professional graverobber and archaeologist.
N: Not cradle robber?
A: No....maybe high school teacher.
CW: Oh, there you go.
A: High school teacher by day, archaelogist by night.

B: I feel sad for him. He was crying. Maybe it's because he's European. I don't know.

CC: It's like dodgeball and they're like 'C, don't throw the ball so hard!' and...
CW: It's dodgeball!
CC: Yeah, fucking dodge the ball!!