November 18, 2008: Toes aren't as bad as an unbent elbow

C2: Plus, it was full of grammar mistakes.
S1: I know, that is such a turn-off.
C2: No commas, spelling errors...

J1: They were like ‘Does it do double-sided?’ I don’t fucking know! We photocopied our hands!

W: A thousand dollars to sell your body? I think it should be more.
C: Yeah...
S1: It’s five thousand for your torso. But then you’d be dead.
W: It costs more to buy a torso than your entire body? I guess it’s the labour involved...

K1: Would you take a poop log?
S1: Would I do what with a poop log?
K1: Would you take a poop log for someone?
S1: Like record the sounds or something?

A1: Do it, just so I can secretly know that someone peed in the sink.
S1: It’s easier for boys, though.
C: Get P**** to do it.
S1: I’m sure P*** would pee in the sink for you.
A1: That sounds....wrong.
K1: I know, eh?

S1: Will you pee in the sink for A****?
P1: Sure.
K4: Just for A***, or for any of us?
S1: Because I would have to, like squat, and it’s all awkward.
A1: I’ve peed in a sink before; it’s not that bad.

A1: I’ve peed on car bumpers! In the winter.

C: Why did I hit P***, by the way?
K4: He’s been hitting me. He’s been hitting me ‘till I hit back but I won’t hit back. But I’ve found outsourcing works. And people are surprisingly willing to hit P****. Like, you didn’t even stop to ask why.

V: Wow, I was just doing the imperial death march, and now you sound like Darth Vader.
C: Go team?
V: I know; it’s very intuitive.

P1: We need a new Enlightenment. The first one didn’t...
C: Take.
P1: Take, yes. That’s exactly what I was thinking.

P1: You’re a PC. You keep crashing all the time.
C: Ouch.
P1: I’ve seen you lying on the couch, twitching...You’re a PC.
C: That’s depressing.
P1: And I’m a MAC. I’ve got all these cool abilities, but I never use them because you’re used to using a PC....I don’t think that’s any better.

C: I probably stayed in the pod longer.
P1: Yes, exactly! When my pod crashed, the stasis broke and I started developing right away and was adopted by my parents. But your pod took longer to crack, which is why you’re four years younger.

P1: And we were placed here as an experiment. When it was originally colonised, they placed two beings here, one that’s emotional all the time and one that just likes killing things.....this was before they realised at home that these people should be killed at birth. At home they’re all like us.
C: Maybe we’ll get to go home one day.

A1: It’s like birthing an alien baby – you just want to get it done.
P1: And we’ve all been there...

J1: Don’t they just do the jobs that the Americans don’t want?
A1: Yeah, but we’re proud of those jobs! They’re the jobs they write country songs about! It’s a big industry...

V (on pubic hair): I think at one point it was there to keep like twigs and berries...

V: And this guy wrote ‘To the guy who took a crap on my bicycle seat. Wow.’
P1: That takes talent.
V: The sheer logistics of it...

J1: I love Craigslist. It got me a bicycle.
C: And a photocopier.
J1: I kind of hate Craigslist.

P1: I’m right and everyone else is confused! This is the first time this semester!

P1: What do you mean “two-pronged”?!?
V: Like, *gestures*.
W: Because some animals have one bone in their penis and others have two...

P1: If a ninja vampire had a baby with a pirate werewolf, it would be Indiana Jones, according to C.
A1: That’s kind of anticlimactic.
P1: You can’t pack that much awesomeness in one person. Like, it could be all those things but it would probably still vote for Stephen Harper.

V: I just picture sand as like a yeast infection waiting to happen...
P1: Yeah, there are some places you just don’t want to exfoliate.

V: It’s like a small country, this cookie. I just ate Guam.
W: That’s a territory.
V: That’s a territory.
P1: You just ate Liechtenstein.

P1: I’m surprised our exam wasn’t on pink paper.
Q: I’m surprised he didn’t show up in drag.

P1: Cannibalism is technically vegan.
Q: What, because humans aren’t animals?

A1 (on photos): because it’s election day! I want to remember it.
P1: Remember it with your fucking brain!
A1: You know my brain doesn’t work.

S7: I tried to make rice crispie squares and it was disastrous.
S1: How hard can it be? I did it when I was twelve.

P1: Toes aren’t as bad as an unbent elbow...there are no possible ways an unbent elbow can be sexy or attractive.
A1: I’m sure there’s a fetish. Like, it looks like nipples....it’s maybe like a 30-year-old nipple after breast-feeding.

A1: What would you get if you had to give everyone the same thing for Christmas?
Q: Chocolate.
S1: Socks.
A1: I like hers.
P1: Fellatio.

P1: Every conversation I have with you people, I lose more and more respect for you. First porn clubs, then Mormon porn...

S1: ‘Ye gods’ – you wrote ‘ye gods’?
C: Yes. Yes I did.
S1: What’s this, ‘death to penis’?
C: Pennies!

V: This is what I think of you, case study.
C: That’s a little creepy.
V: I bleed on you. I am creepy.

P: If you want to get sick and miss class, I can spit in your mouth or your food.
A1: I touched the keyboard in the lab – I’m probably going to get sick anyway.