March 28, 2009: sneezing is oddly pleasurable

A1: I hope I’m funnier than P***. Probably not. Just more pathetic....at least P***’s mean.

P1: I almost brushed my teeth with a razor today....it’s not funny.

P1: Sometimes it’s embarrassing to be me.
A1: I don’t think you ever get embarrassed.
P1: No, I do. I’m embarrassed almost all the time. I just act like I hate people so it doesn’t show.

A1: I feel bad for anyone who has to archaeologically dissect us and be like “why is there frog in your canola?”

S1: So canola’s not vegetarian? Did you say there was frog in it?
A1: Oh, you can’t eat it anymore.
P1: ...at first I though you were saying I can’t eat it because I’m French.

S1: Is it that really ugly one where there were a bunch of scientist guys and I left?

P1: There’s a special test to see if your boobs are sagging. There’s the pencil test, and the other one. We were in the dressing room after a hockey game and they said if you can put your nipple in your mouth...I can do the left but not the right.

P1: Nipple dexterity – is that a thing?
J3: I hope not.

A1: It’s a passion for access.
C: It’s a hatred for people.
A1: No, it’s a passion for access.

A1: Who did you talk to at the career fair?
K4: The food table. And P***.

A1: Note to self: do not feed cW*** timbits. You’re like an exotic zoo animal.

A1: it could be a cW** hireable campaign so you can have a cat. And sometimes you have to do dirty and despicable things. Like wearing makeup so you look more accessible to dumb people. I think that’s all makeup is – it makes you look like you don’t kill people, even if you do.

A1: Can you imagine someone trying to film a kitty porn? It would be like...
C: I don’t want to.
A1: I wonder what kind of props they’d have, or the music...mrow chikka mrow mrow...I’m not talking.

C: I think I should make myself stupider, so I’m not so full of hate.
A1: Can we start with the makeup?

J2: What’s a girl to do?
V. I’m naked. NAKED.
J2: ‘Does this interest you at all?’
V: L**’s like “N***’s trying to take Romania!”

A1: Is it possible that you know that librarians are on a field trip when they cluster around the globe and talk about penguins?
R2: What else is there to talk about?

S1: Why stick with someone just because they got you pregnant?
A1: It’s like sticking with someone because they gave you an STD....that was crass....

S1: You could go live with A***.
A1: It could be like polygamy but without the sex. You could clean until you have a seizure or something, and then I suppose you could do the sex.

P1: It’s weird, because sneezing is oddly pleasurable, but...
A1: It’s kind of anticlimactic if you’re expecting to cum...

P1: You just can’t resist touching me...there’s a lot of people in this school who can’t stop touching me.
C: Sheer animal magnetism.
P1: Yeah, I just wish they’d stop touching me with their fists.