It's like Cirque du Soleil, but naked

MW: You meeting up with a girl in the bathroom?
C: Who says it's a girl? Or even human?
H: A squirrel!
U: Who says there's just one?

U: And I was like 'I know this person who's beautiful both inside and out...
O: "I know someone who'll take off her clothes for you...."
AB: You'll do what now?
O: She's my pimp.

MW: Tip what, your prostitutes?
AB: Yes, I tip my prostitutes.
O: Do you actually tip prostitutes, though?

AB: It's like buying a new car. You can go to a club and find a nice used Buick on the dance floor...
C: I missed some of that. Does anyone remember it verbatim?
O: He said it's better to get a used car every week than a Buick.
AB: I did not! I said used cars were the prostitutes...

O: You are like...a plague upon you.
AB: I am like a plague upon you? Ok. I'm a plague upon you; you just can't get me off. That sounds wrong.

AB: That was dirty. That was really dirty.
C: What'd I miss?
AB: O** explaining that she can't focus on a man and cheese at the same time because her mouth is full.

O: I named my goldfish after I.F. Because he just sat there and did nothing.

AB: he's big, he's tall, he's French. He's like sex on a popsicle.
O: Not a popsicle stick?
C: Eww...splinters.

AB: Do you want me dead?
O: Not particularly. Maybe a little maimed.
AB: Maimed? Wow. Tough crowd.
O: In a nice way.

O *knocks over glass* They put these glasses here on purpose!
C: Yes. So you can drink from them.
O: They are barriers to my range of movement!

O: Like, Chanel says you should remove one piece of jewelery before you leave the room, so I should remove one sentence when I talk.
C: What if you're only wearing one piece of jewelery?
O: Yeah, I never got that. What if you're wearing a one-piece suit? Then you're pretty much screwed.
C: Or popular.
O: Or both.
C: Yeah....

AB: Care to elaborate on that, M*?
MW: I don't know. I don't know what's real anymore.

O: Seriously. If I were flexible, I would...
C: Lick your feet?
O: Maybe...
H: I've bitten my toes before. Just to say that I could.

O: I just like the expression on AB's face, though. He looks like a female anime character. Why?? That was a serious observation.

O: Feelings grow back. They're like hair.

O: Did I ever send you that song, like, 'all I want is your semen to get pregnant'?
CC: Nooooo...

O: See, that's a good quality to have in a boyfriend.
C: He gives you math homework?
O: And they're good math problems, too.

O: If ever I were to commit suicide, she would be my...
CC: What? Oh yeah, good point. CW...

O: I think it would be really funny if a misisonary were to come to your door and you pretended to be a missionary for another religion.
CC: My brother scared off Jehovah's Witnesses once because he opened the door without his shirt on and they got offended.

O: I was studying for my math test and I had a dream I was sailing on the Cartesian plane...I was a pirate. And this was actually a line from my dream: 'integrate past brave new worlds and derive new functions!'

U: We're almost like family. We just saw each other yesterday and we already miss each other.
O: And we'll see each other on Friday.
AB: We may as well date each other.

AB: ...and what am I?
CW: You can be our boy toy.
AB: You're all mistresses and I'm the boy toy. Ok. It sounds like less responsibility. I'll take it.
C: I figured it would suit you. Captain Kittens, the boy toy.
AB: I should change my Facebook name to that.
O: Please do.

O: It cleans your sinuses.
H: I don't know where that came form.
O: No, the hot peppers.
AB: Yeah, my sinuses are now in the napkin, thanks.

O: Farting in the Dead Sea is a bad idea.
AB: Ok.
O: You know what happens when you fart?...o, the air goes out and then it goes in a little again and it burns. It burns.
H: I'm glad I know that.
O: No, she was talking about UltraBalm. The massage...
C: Yes, I see the connection.

O: I want to go to a strip club. I'm told it's like Cirque du Soleil, but naked.
AB: They're not that good, I'm sorry.

O: So everyone wear green and white.
AB: Do I need to take off my shirt so it'll be clean on Friday?
O: Do I need to take off my shirt so it'll be clean?
AB: What, why are you taking your clothes off?
O: Why are you taking yours off?
C: Let's just all get naked!!
AB: The guy at the table behind us is distracted. 'Screw this girl I'm on a date with!'

AB: Did you just tell C* that her jeans would look really good on your floor?
O: Noooooo
C: What did you actually say?
O: I said that, but I was trying to make a pun.

AB: But O*'s like my sister. I could never date a Hooter's girl.

O: Apparently everyone's checking C** out. I think it was your 'let's get naked!' comment.

U: Why don't you put a little basil here? In your hair.
AB: Because it's been in AB's nose.

O: Woah.
AB: What does that have to do with kittens? Kitten - woah! Kitten woah! Cats and ostriches: perfect companions. Everytime I hear that I'm going to think of a kitten riding an ostrich. Why are you glaring at me? Don't you want to see a kitten ride an ostrich?
O: Yes. I do.

AB: A guy on sentry duty we caught sleeping with a coyote. We just left that one. Took a picture though. When he woke up he freaked out. 'There's coyotes out there!'

AB: I don't usually poison people when I want to kill someone. I'm usually more direct. You, me, outside.
H: Don't do the eyebrows; don't!
AB: I wasn't going to do the eyebrows. Geeeez. Anytime I get into a fight I just need to do the eyebrows and they'll back right off.

O: 'Dust, you filthy cretin?'
C: Yes, I write abusive to-do lists.

AB: I just said 'I love you' to MP. Great. Again.
MW: At least it isn't squirrels.

U: H**, this guacamole is delicious. Did you make it?
H: With a potato masher!!!!

U: You should be dancing on an island in a hula skirt.
AB: Why does every woman want to get me in a skirt?

AB: Are you sure?
H: Yeah, I'm ok.
AB: I wasn't talking about the licking.

AB: She had me up against the wall....that's not helping...our legs were flailing...
C: Your legs were flailing. Mine were stable.
AB: Ok...your legs braced against the other wall...

H: I don't like squirrels.
AB: That was very dark. 'I don't like squirrels.' What did they every do you you?
H: It's not what they did to me. It's what they did to C**.

AB: I've never had anyone do that to my ear before.
CC: Is that good or bad?
AB: I don't know.
C: What is she doing?
AB: I don't know...she's like rubbing her thumb around my ear.
C: Why?
CC: It tickles my thumb.

O: Ok, so I say 'I want to have sex with you' and you say...
C: As long as we're dreaming, I'd like a pony.
O: Oh my god. Please say that to a guy someday.
C: I have. I've also said 'What's in it for me?' Again rather mean...
O: Oh my god!!!! O** said that to me and I spent the next two hours explaining why...and it worked! I didn't realise it was a put-down!!!
C: You are amazing....

O: Oh look, I wrote 'Romance' on my stomach. It's a subliminal message, hidden by butterflies...it even works! ... I love how you don't even point out the flaws in my argument, you just take out the book. It speaks for itself.

O: What kind of plant would C be?
H: Venus flytrap.
O: Pitcher plant.
C: Yes!
O: Are there carniverous ferns?
H: Yeah, I was thinking of something leafy as well.

O: See, it's nice when they're nerdy - it just comes pouring out like vomit!

O: H*! Help!
H: She's vicious; I'm not going to help. She'll just hit me back...there. I glared.
O: Damn you and your efficiency!

O: I have to look like a Frenchman. How do French men look? Like mimes.
C: French men look like mimes?
O: Like Dali!
C: Dali wasn't French.
O: But if he dressed up like a mime he would look French..he has the moustache.