E-R: Sweet suit.
C: But look! My socks are different shades of grey!
E-R: Trying to rebel against the dress code?
HW: That’s sad. But I’d probably do that too...
E-R: We’re going to move in together in September. He’s more excited about it than I am...he’s already planning out the basement. He picked out paint colours and I was like ‘slow down! Have you named our firstborn yet?’ ... and then we talked abut names....
CW: You are the only person who would say that about Nicole Kidman.
mum: That’s not true; lots of people make fun of her plastic surgery.
CW: “She’s a wonderful actress; too bad about her face”?!
B: What? Truck stops have good presents.
CW: Like what?
B: Knick-knacks.
E-R: You get me a present from a truck stop and we’re getting a divorce.
M nods.
B: Have you been to truck stops lately?
E-R: (re Puff Daddy) What does that mean; he’s a marshmallow full of spawn?
B: I’m kind of scared of the Michelin man. I don’t buy Michelin tires. I’m afraid he’ll come to my house.
H: Oh. We’re under attack.
B: I think I hit one of those on the way here.
MM: Not that; the CTV blimp.
B: Oh......I just saw the bird...
CW: I liked Dune ok. But I prefer books where the villain is cool. And I didn’t see what was so damn special about the Mentat thing. It just seemed logical.
TNV: I think your bathroom cabinet should have bathroom stuff.
CW: Why? I think it would be really funny if they opened it and found, like, philosophy books...
T:...and to make it even better, you could sneak in there a bathroom edition.
CW: .. or DeSade...
T: Do I really want to think through all the implications of having DeSade in your bathroom? Is there something you’re not telling me?
T: Now what other furniture could I turn into a bookshelf for you?
CW: A refrigerator.
T: You’re the librarian; you tell me what needs to be stored in the fridge.
CW: Videos...
T: What’s in a name? That which we call a deinonychus by any other name would smell as sweet.
CW: I never got the impression that they smelled very good.
T: To a deinonychus of the opposite sex, maybe.
CW: Well, I hope they’re happy with each other.
T: They died, so they probably smelled. And then they became so dead that they stopped smelling. And then they turned into rock. Rock doesn’t smell.
CW: How heartwarming.
C: You can look totally flaky when you know exactly what you’re doing. It’s awesome.
U: Yes. I can act. I know how to throw you off my scent. Wait, scent?
C: You seem a little bitter about being beaten by a four-pound dog in this contest. I think it’s time you let go.
MP: They do kind of sound like Donald Duck.
MW: You should do that if you want to put people off. Say the squirrels are laughing at you.
MP: I thought that sometimes. It was like, ‘I haven’t seen a Disney movie in ten years – what is this?!”
CC: It’s funny. She’ll be naming off the names of flowers, like ‘lily, daisy, clematis,’ and I’m like ‘are you well?’
CC: How do the British say ‘trousers’?
T: ‘Trousers.’
CW: You’re still doing Canadian raising.
T: ‘Trousers.’
CW: Now you’re trying to sound like Sean Connery.
T: I don’t know how Sean Connery says ‘trousers.’ He’s never asked me for mine!
SL: Do I smell like flowers?
L: What?
SL: ‘Cause I sprayed Febreeze and I couldn’t open the door right away, and I was like ‘Ah, I’m trapped!’
L: Let’s see if you still smell like a flowering blossom.
UB: I thought you changed your shirt.
UB: Lori, this is not a Febreeze commercial.
L: He made me smell him.
mum: What’s he doing? In words of one syllable.
UP: I dunno. I’ve stopped asking. Because he tells me. Portia, I don’t think she knows what she’s doing. She hates computers, for one....
mum: Is there a name for what Justin does? There must be a name at least.
UP: Yeah, there probably is.
UB: You wanted to get a motorcycle? No way.
S: I wanted to before Ben did. Think about it: if I get in an accident on the way to work, I’ll end up at work.
KL: I think forty’s too young for a midlife crisis. Now you have to be like 65.
UB: Quote that.
KL: Like, you should be starting...
S: It’s the clavicle. It’s close to the scapula.
L: So how did you break it?
K: It’s a funny story.
S: I was riding a toy tractor across the kitchen and I waved hi. As I was engaged in my salutations, I headed towards the basement door. Which was open. I fell down the stairs.
L: Just you, or the tractor?
S: Me and the tractor. And I broke my collarbone. And probably sustained brain damage.
AK: Definitely.
S: Frodo! Spread your urine! Show’em who’s boss!!
CW: What would happen if a werewolf bit a vampire?
T: You’d get a very hairy vampire. What would happen if the vampire bit back at the same time, like mutual hickies?
T: I would wear yoga pants if it were part of my daily life to raise my leg above my head...which it sometimes is.
U: He’s such a health nut. M’s such a health nut. It makes me feel...dirty.
U: I love ABBA. I’m in love with ABBA.
T: What’s your favourite song?
U: ‘The Winner Takes it All.’
T: It’s said to be one of the best breakup songs.
CW: They play it at hockey games sometimes.
T: Jennifer Lopez’s butt is insured, yes. Although I don’t know if it’s still insured since she had a baby.
CC: Is that considered an act of God?
T: No, it’s considered an act of Mark Antony.
U: V just air-kissed me.
V: I do not ‘air-kiss.’ I..
T: Kiss intensely and deeply but fall short?
V: Yes!
T: You have no sense of distance.
U: ...I’m not half the man I used to be. Because my boobs are not longer perky. I wish I were Britney Spears. Ohhh yesterday....
CW: Jazz hands?
H: I think it’s very appropriate to punk rock.
CW: One of my friends had a customer tell her about how she used menstrual blood to fertilize her pot....apparently it’s really good fertilizer.
MP: That’s just....adorable.
T: You’re so cute, that getting mad at you is like punching a teddy bear.
CW: What, haven’t you ever punched a teddy bear?
T: Well you’re antisocial.
T: Like, if you need someone to present the company’s vision, you need someone with short hair, square jaw, basically the Ken archetype...
CW: Except with genitals...
T: .. and if you need someone to apologize for the company’s screwing up...
SG: Yeah, I had a collie. A lassie dog. We called her Lassie.
T: Imaginative.
SG: Well, it was either that or MC Hammer.
CC: I had someone come in and ask ‘do you have machines that roll cigarettes?’ I’m like, ‘this is a kids’ store. Yes, we keep them next to the teddy bears.’
CC: Is anyone tall enough to do the Heimlich maneuver on you?
JF: I don’t know...this is why there aren’t many tall people.
CC:...how about the mantel?
J: Too low.
CC: You’re screwed.
J: There is so much dessert. This is so intimidating. Can you just pour that bowl of whipped cream on M?
J: That’s always how it goes. You stagger leaving the bathroom 30 seconds.
CC: Thirty seconds? That’s just...
J: Stagger leaving. You can’t take off your clothes in thirty seconds.
CW: You can’t? I can.
J: Ok, let’s race.
T: .. it’s to show that it’s worth ripping off the clothes.
CW: Nothing is worth ripping good clothes unnecessarily.
J: You’re the one who says they can undress in thirty seconds.
CW: Yes.
J: That’s without ripping clothes?
CW: Yes.
J: Oh. I was just planning to...
CC: He’s really bad at time-filling.
J: Tongue-feeling??
J: Who would not want to have sex with Sean Connery?
C: I wouldn’t. He’s old.
MP: Noo...sorry to crap on your fondest dream.
MW: So how about a sisterly bonding moment? We need to talk about sex and shoes...
H: & rock’n’roll..
OH: Yeah, I got sexually assaulted on my last day in Toronto.
CW: Why do you sound so happy?
WR: You’re so chipper.
T: If you’re so happy about it, you can tell us the story.
O: I love how you’re taking out the notebook.....you’re like the police guy taking notes, only more colourful!
O: I wasn’t actually going to file a police report, but I went shopping and I bought a really nice bra which made me happy...
W: And this made you think of the police?
O: .. and then I called the rape crisis centre..
T: I don’t think anyone’s laughed so hard saying ‘Rape Crisis Centre’
O: I actually typed it all up when I got home so that I wouldn’t forget anything. And it actually saved a lot of time because the police just took the statement I typed so that I didn’t have to dictate it...because they don’t write as fast as you, C.
O: It’s really great if I have to go and testify at the trial, because that means I get to go back to Toronto and see The Sound of Music with my aunt and uncle.
O: They give you a 72-page training manual and 3 tests, one of which I failed and had to retake. I failed a Hooters test. That’s a blow to my academic ego.
O: Actually, my aunt always wanted to work at Hooters...and they let me stay at their place rent-free and everything and in return I had to get a job at Hooters so she could live vicariously through me.
T: That sounds like pimping.
W: Some kind of weird post-modern pimping.
O: I actually got a job within five seconds.
W: And kept your self-respect?
O: Noooooo! Actually, my self-respect shot up, actually.
O: And he takes really nice pictures of the Hooters girls and he brings two copies, one for the girl, and one for the girl to sign and he keeps them in an album...
W: And these are the non-creepy ones?!
O: ..he’s got this serious glittering cocaine addiction, and he wears green glitter all the time..
O: You can walk up to someone and just look in their eyes...it’s like a 100% success rate.
T: It’s like being a girl in engineering.
O: He said I was his favourite model after doing the Darth Vader shot. And he’s really hot too...
T: He couldn’t see your head in it.
O: No.
T: But he could see nearly everything else.
O: It’s like wearing a paper bag on my head, only better!
O: “I have to flirt now because I can’t flirt tomorrow! I’ll be in a mental hospital! The guys here are better!”
T: To be more introverted than you, one would have to live in a burrow.
CW: There’s nothing wrong with living in a burrow. You could have a perfectly happy life living in a burrow.
T: You could.
W: Vitamin D deficiency, though...
O: Gluten’s overrated.
W: Yeah, like have you ever heard someone eat something and be like ‘Wow, that gluten is really good!’?
W: You can have like that bread God gave us!
T: God loves celiacs!
W: Like that flat bread...
O: I feel bad; I got one of my coworkers arrested.
T: His fault.
O: Yeah, I know, it’s just...
T: He should have thought about that before..
CW: At least you left your mark on Hooters.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
June 18, 2008: finger-licking and spoon-shovelling
OH: Oh, why did I give up caffeine?! I must have been on crazy person drugs!
CC: I can give you some...
TNV: Pen pen pen... I also have a fiber-optic cable...
C: Why?
T: I found it in a tree.
O: It's like with children: you're like 'they're so cute I almost want to strangle them!'
CC: Who the hell says that?!
T: O, I am getting concerned about your children....animal hats...
O: See, now that would be strange. You without jewelery...
CW: Yeah. That would be weird. That...yeah.
T: I'm saving it for my wedding night.
T: MP will be a good husband. He won't dress his children in animal hats, anyway...
M: Uhmmm..
O: Another marriage prospect gone...
T: So you're going to breed yourself for blonde kids?
O: Children of the corn with animal hats!
O: He put aphrodisiacs in that soup, didn't he?
CC: Ajax? What?
O: You can't start laughing every time I open my mouth or we'll never get anywhere.
AS: I made a slight adjustment to the card. You'll see.
SC: *stare*
A: A really slight adjustment! I swear!
card:ThanksUmmm, actually, Happy Birthday!
A: I thought it was the cutest one there! It said "thanks" and I thought that was wrong! It should say "happy birthday!"
A: It's so intimidating!
CW: You're intimidated by your utensils?
A: Well, there's so many of them! And they're in the way.
S: There's a story. We were going out to dinner.....and Alanna was eating her meal with two forks. I just looked over and was like "What are you doing?" She was like "I dunno." She also stole the napkin.
A: By accident!
CW: I remember pretending to believe in Santa to keep my parents happy.
A: That's a good reason.
Li: Oh, I threw a fit. I was screaming to my mum, like "You don't understand; I need to know! I need to know because if I have kids I need to know if Santa Claus is real because if what if I still think he's real and then they get NOTHING!?!!!!"
CW: S puts up with so much. I think I broke her in for you. I've heard she tells stories...
A: Oh yeah...it's great, because it's like, 'at least I haven't done that...
CW: Like set yourself on fire because you were cooking wearing a scarf?
A: Yeah, I haven't done that one...I asked her once " Who's worse, me or C?" and she said " I think you're worse, because at least C has an excuse...."
A: When I was 13 I read an abridged version of War & Peace. It was this big. Instead of Prince Andre it was Prince Andrew. It just went downhill from there....
CW: A lot of people I don't respect remind me of people I see on television.
MW: So, you interested in trying martial arts?
CW: Yeah, sure. I think I need more violence in my life.
MW: Balance, or violence?
CW: Violence.
MW: Oh yeah. Good call.
T: So how's your makeup adventures going?
CC: I tried putting mascara on the other day and I blinked and I stabbed myself and it smeared up like this...I tried on the other eye another time and I sneezed...
T: I think I sunburnt my thumb.
MP: I don't pay attention to horse racing. I don't even know the rules.
CW&T: The first horse around the track wins...
MP: No, I mean like rules about the equipment...
O: Will I have scaly skin in ten years?
CW: Yes; it will go with your goldfish mouth. Stop doing that.
T: Yes, you will be a dinosaur.
O: Do I get to pick which dinosaur?
T: No; you will be a dimetrodon.
T: Ladies, we're jealous.
O: What, why? Why is jealousy the word of the day? Is is the word of the day?
T: No, I vote for syncategorematic.
CW: Yes!!! I LOVE that word!
MW: I'm thinking my trademark should be to say everything in a really sexy voice, even if it isn't sexy.
T: Like "vector mechanics."
MW: U, five dollars if you wait 'till the guy comes and pour water all over yourself.
T: 5?
U: Only five?
MW: Alright, six.
JF: I went through a phase where I was fascinated by trying to overcome torque.
CC: There was this prof and she had really dark skin and wore really tight white shirts, so everyone near the front row could see her nipples...
MW: It's a good thing she didn't go near your prof.
CC: He'd probably start crying...
J: Genesha is a racist.
CW: Who's a racist?
T: He's telling me Genesha is a racist. He won't forgive me for my skin colour...Genesha, the elephant-headed god.
J: He's really quite closed-minded.
O: Oh, just feed him some peanuts.
CW: Why are you killing yourself, Justin?
J: Because I'm sad you're not involved in this conversation.
CW: Awwww, that's so sweet.
MW: That's what I always say: when there's an orgy, invite C.
MW: There are probably about a million fetishes.
CW: Yeah. And they're all stupid.
MW: So, like, if your boyfriend would be like "C, dress up as a sexy nurse" then you'd be like "That's stupid."
CW: Yes.
MW: That's totally killing the mood.
CW: I don't care.
J: Not all vibrators come in the mail. Some have men attached to them.
CW: What about vibrators?
O: Vibrators?
T: You could incorporate a vibrator and a bra.
J: Why would a vibrator need to wear a bra?
U:...it's empowerment?
CW: That's the worst grumpy face I've ever seen..
M: Let me see? It looks like muppets. It's like cute and...cute.
CC: She's just a hippie. All she can do is spread the love.
M: She can't help it.
CC: I didn't mean it that way...
V: We all just want each other; it's weird. We need help.
J: Intjs tend to offend enfps because they tend to be like C and like killing things.
C: Only if they deserve to die...
O: What are you talking about?
MP: We said Hello Kitty and bondage and you started grinning.
MP: You're calling Fida's pizza?
O: I keep hearing foetus pizza.
O: Why don't we just play spin the bottle while we're at it.
J: We have bottles here.
V: We should get the waiter to join in; there's not enough guys.
V: Remember when they looked for lice in your hair in, like grade 5 or 6?
O: I loved that! I pretended to have lice so they could do it again!
CC: I've realised that I'd rather change a dirty diaper than wipe a snotty nose.
CW: ...I'd rather do neither..?
CC: I'd rather do neither too, but if I had to choose between the two, I'd rather change a dirty diaper.
CW: And you've spent time thinking about this?
CC: Because it's already there...
CC: Tamara was like "tell me the details!" and I was like "There weren't many details, just finger-licking and spoon-shovelling."
O: I read a 400-page book last night and I had 4 cups of coffee after not having coffee for three months and my presentation reflected that.
CC: O, you're my hero.
CW: I love you.
O: So, like, when you make babies....look, it's going well already!
O: I'm working out my bum just so when I go to the movie theatre my bum doesn't hurt after 20 minutes.
O: I actually told him about your Archie comics.
CC: I told a lot of people about that too.
CW: Oh god..
T: Ironically enough, I've been spending all my time on Wikipedia and been completely out of touch with the world.
CW: That is so you.
T: You'd think if you spent so much time on Wikipedia you'd be a little in touch with the world.
CW: Not really.
T: Wikinews!
T: A real kid in the U.S. is doomed to the name of Shithead.
CW: Was he an accident?
T: She.
MW: You should name your kid Accident. Accident W....I think I'm going to name my kids Accident and Bastard.
T: I tend to defend myself by my attitude. I don't look like the kind of person you bother with. I also don't look like the kind of person you ask on a date, but it's an occupational hazard.
C: If you smile all the time...in a non-psychotic manner...
U: You'll always be the only Russian.
T: That's not enough!! You've ditched me for M! He's ten hours younger! You've ditched me for a younger man!
MW: You're undressing me with your eyes.
V: Is that impure?
MW: It's ok; I'm used to it.
T: Come shirtless M! Come shirtless!
C: Wow, T, I thought it was U you were after. You're really intent on breaking up this relationship.
T: If I don't get one I get the other. Cover all the bases.
V: I have to pee.
U: Thanks for sharing.
MW: Just make sure you think of me while you do.
V: I don't have to make sure. I do all the time.
V: You know when I eat marinara, I think of you. It's like, "marinara." Oh no, "T."
V: You should have seen the look on his face. You were like " You know what's worse: string bikinis on men!"
U: Oh no; did I miss a look?"
MW: You just ruined his plan for the night!
CC: I can give you some...
TNV: Pen pen pen... I also have a fiber-optic cable...
C: Why?
T: I found it in a tree.
O: It's like with children: you're like 'they're so cute I almost want to strangle them!'
CC: Who the hell says that?!
T: O, I am getting concerned about your children....animal hats...
O: See, now that would be strange. You without jewelery...
CW: Yeah. That would be weird. That...yeah.
T: I'm saving it for my wedding night.
T: MP will be a good husband. He won't dress his children in animal hats, anyway...
M: Uhmmm..
O: Another marriage prospect gone...
T: So you're going to breed yourself for blonde kids?
O: Children of the corn with animal hats!
O: He put aphrodisiacs in that soup, didn't he?
CC: Ajax? What?
O: You can't start laughing every time I open my mouth or we'll never get anywhere.
AS: I made a slight adjustment to the card. You'll see.
SC: *stare*
A: A really slight adjustment! I swear!
card:
A: I thought it was the cutest one there! It said "thanks" and I thought that was wrong! It should say "happy birthday!"
A: It's so intimidating!
CW: You're intimidated by your utensils?
A: Well, there's so many of them! And they're in the way.
S: There's a story. We were going out to dinner.....and Alanna was eating her meal with two forks. I just looked over and was like "What are you doing?" She was like "I dunno." She also stole the napkin.
A: By accident!
CW: I remember pretending to believe in Santa to keep my parents happy.
A: That's a good reason.
Li: Oh, I threw a fit. I was screaming to my mum, like "You don't understand; I need to know! I need to know because if I have kids I need to know if Santa Claus is real because if what if I still think he's real and then they get NOTHING!?!!!!"
CW: S puts up with so much. I think I broke her in for you. I've heard she tells stories...
A: Oh yeah...it's great, because it's like, 'at least I haven't done that...
CW: Like set yourself on fire because you were cooking wearing a scarf?
A: Yeah, I haven't done that one...I asked her once " Who's worse, me or C?" and she said " I think you're worse, because at least C has an excuse...."
A: When I was 13 I read an abridged version of War & Peace. It was this big. Instead of Prince Andre it was Prince Andrew. It just went downhill from there....
CW: A lot of people I don't respect remind me of people I see on television.
MW: So, you interested in trying martial arts?
CW: Yeah, sure. I think I need more violence in my life.
MW: Balance, or violence?
CW: Violence.
MW: Oh yeah. Good call.
T: So how's your makeup adventures going?
CC: I tried putting mascara on the other day and I blinked and I stabbed myself and it smeared up like this...I tried on the other eye another time and I sneezed...
T: I think I sunburnt my thumb.
MP: I don't pay attention to horse racing. I don't even know the rules.
CW&T: The first horse around the track wins...
MP: No, I mean like rules about the equipment...
O: Will I have scaly skin in ten years?
CW: Yes; it will go with your goldfish mouth. Stop doing that.
T: Yes, you will be a dinosaur.
O: Do I get to pick which dinosaur?
T: No; you will be a dimetrodon.
T: Ladies, we're jealous.
O: What, why? Why is jealousy the word of the day? Is is the word of the day?
T: No, I vote for syncategorematic.
CW: Yes!!! I LOVE that word!
MW: I'm thinking my trademark should be to say everything in a really sexy voice, even if it isn't sexy.
T: Like "vector mechanics."
MW: U, five dollars if you wait 'till the guy comes and pour water all over yourself.
T: 5?
U: Only five?
MW: Alright, six.
JF: I went through a phase where I was fascinated by trying to overcome torque.
CC: There was this prof and she had really dark skin and wore really tight white shirts, so everyone near the front row could see her nipples...
MW: It's a good thing she didn't go near your prof.
CC: He'd probably start crying...
J: Genesha is a racist.
CW: Who's a racist?
T: He's telling me Genesha is a racist. He won't forgive me for my skin colour...Genesha, the elephant-headed god.
J: He's really quite closed-minded.
O: Oh, just feed him some peanuts.
CW: Why are you killing yourself, Justin?
J: Because I'm sad you're not involved in this conversation.
CW: Awwww, that's so sweet.
MW: That's what I always say: when there's an orgy, invite C.
MW: There are probably about a million fetishes.
CW: Yeah. And they're all stupid.
MW: So, like, if your boyfriend would be like "C, dress up as a sexy nurse" then you'd be like "That's stupid."
CW: Yes.
MW: That's totally killing the mood.
CW: I don't care.
J: Not all vibrators come in the mail. Some have men attached to them.
CW: What about vibrators?
O: Vibrators?
T: You could incorporate a vibrator and a bra.
J: Why would a vibrator need to wear a bra?
U:...it's empowerment?
CW: That's the worst grumpy face I've ever seen..
M: Let me see? It looks like muppets. It's like cute and...cute.
CC: She's just a hippie. All she can do is spread the love.
M: She can't help it.
CC: I didn't mean it that way...
V: We all just want each other; it's weird. We need help.
J: Intjs tend to offend enfps because they tend to be like C and like killing things.
C: Only if they deserve to die...
O: What are you talking about?
MP: We said Hello Kitty and bondage and you started grinning.
MP: You're calling Fida's pizza?
O: I keep hearing foetus pizza.
O: Why don't we just play spin the bottle while we're at it.
J: We have bottles here.
V: We should get the waiter to join in; there's not enough guys.
V: Remember when they looked for lice in your hair in, like grade 5 or 6?
O: I loved that! I pretended to have lice so they could do it again!
CC: I've realised that I'd rather change a dirty diaper than wipe a snotty nose.
CW: ...I'd rather do neither..?
CC: I'd rather do neither too, but if I had to choose between the two, I'd rather change a dirty diaper.
CW: And you've spent time thinking about this?
CC: Because it's already there...
CC: Tamara was like "tell me the details!" and I was like "There weren't many details, just finger-licking and spoon-shovelling."
O: I read a 400-page book last night and I had 4 cups of coffee after not having coffee for three months and my presentation reflected that.
CC: O, you're my hero.
CW: I love you.
O: So, like, when you make babies....look, it's going well already!
O: I'm working out my bum just so when I go to the movie theatre my bum doesn't hurt after 20 minutes.
O: I actually told him about your Archie comics.
CC: I told a lot of people about that too.
CW: Oh god..
T: Ironically enough, I've been spending all my time on Wikipedia and been completely out of touch with the world.
CW: That is so you.
T: You'd think if you spent so much time on Wikipedia you'd be a little in touch with the world.
CW: Not really.
T: Wikinews!
T: A real kid in the U.S. is doomed to the name of Shithead.
CW: Was he an accident?
T: She.
MW: You should name your kid Accident. Accident W....I think I'm going to name my kids Accident and Bastard.
T: I tend to defend myself by my attitude. I don't look like the kind of person you bother with. I also don't look like the kind of person you ask on a date, but it's an occupational hazard.
C: If you smile all the time...in a non-psychotic manner...
U: You'll always be the only Russian.
T: That's not enough!! You've ditched me for M! He's ten hours younger! You've ditched me for a younger man!
MW: You're undressing me with your eyes.
V: Is that impure?
MW: It's ok; I'm used to it.
T: Come shirtless M! Come shirtless!
C: Wow, T, I thought it was U you were after. You're really intent on breaking up this relationship.
T: If I don't get one I get the other. Cover all the bases.
V: I have to pee.
U: Thanks for sharing.
MW: Just make sure you think of me while you do.
V: I don't have to make sure. I do all the time.
V: You know when I eat marinara, I think of you. It's like, "marinara." Oh no, "T."
V: You should have seen the look on his face. You were like " You know what's worse: string bikinis on men!"
U: Oh no; did I miss a look?"
MW: You just ruined his plan for the night!
May 5, 2008 : If your heart is deformed, what does it mean?
dad: Ottawa owes me money again.
C: Another parking ticket?
dad: No more parking for a while. Their loss.
CW: Of course, java-themed jokes can help.
TNV: They're a filter. They rule out the people I don't want to date.
CW: That's what I say about all of my weird habits.
T: I'm not a rebel without a cause; I have a cause: it's Chomskyian syntax, dammit! Down with wh- movement!
OH: Look how beautiful and brown it is!
T: Look how beautiful and beige mine is.
O: It's like the purity of your soul versus the darkness of mine.
O: ...no, they only see blue because that's the only wavelength down there. So The Little Mermaid is totally incorrect. She shouldn't have red hair; it should be blue....actually, The Little Mermaid is totally incorrect because they're all bright and tropical down there!!!
T: O, The Little Mermaid is incorrect because mermaids don't exist.
...
O: At least I still have Santa Claus...we don't even have Santa Claus in my religion.
T: You have the angel of death! They leave out milk and cookies and Santa Claus will come; you paint blood on the doorframe and the angel of death won't come!!
O: It tastes like chicken!!
T: Communion wafers taste like chicken?
O: Well, they should, shouldn't they?
O: Oh, I just love pollination. Happyhappyhappy.
O: ...so that just proves that sex isn't gender.
T: No duh sex isn't gender. In French tables have gender but they can't have sex!
O: It's a deformed heart!
T: If your heart is deformed, what does it mean?
C: You have very poorly oxygenated blood.
UT: We just gave them blankets with TB, and alcohol--the Americans shot them.
HW: Apparently, Mike Harris has six toes on one foot.
mum: That's just ignorant.
H: I think that's high school hatred.
dad: Anne Boleyn had six fingers.
UT: What's that? Anne Boleyn?
dad: She had 6 fingers.
UT: And no head.
MW: I want to harvest a bone from somewhere in my body and add it here so I can have a really long finger and point it at people.
mum: I think you're craving something. In your diet.
MW: I don't want to eat it. I'm going to have a really long finger and point it at people.
mum: I'm serious. Calcium.
CW: Who's this?
H: Amy Winehouse. Bad life choices, but she's good.
H: We need more strong women, I feel. You're strong, I think, and I can be strong. You're just....weird.
*CW starts laughing*
H: You just don't fit into any category, which I suppose is what you want, so go you...
O: One of the great things about birthdays is that you can impose your taste upon people.
T: Can you sew?
O: No. When I need to hem my pants, I tape them up with duct tape on the inside.
O: I wouldn't want to tell my grandchildren that.
T: About proposing in lolcat?
O: They'd, like, disown me and I wouldn't be able to put animal hats on them.
O: We're selling things, right? Selling boots?
T: We're selling boots? I thought we were building a Death Star! You lured me in with false pretenses!
C: You could be our PR person.
O: I could. I'd like that. I could be like "Look, it's not scary, at all!"
O: I find our relationship to be really disfunctional because he's like "I want to make kissy faces" and I'm like "I want to talk about my genetics exam and what groceries you're going to buy today..."
T: Politeness is horribly dangerous in communication.
O: I'd be like, "why do I have a shovel in my hand?"
T: To brain someone!
O: If I killed C, then she'd love me!
T: My dear, take some lessons in logic.
T: Because NFs make life bright and beautiful until they're like "ooh, shiny!"
O: When you move your head all the shiny things move and it's hard to concentrate.
T: I don't have thongs. I'm sorry.
C: Yeah, they're not comfortable and they don't even make good slingshots.
T: And they were made...to get you laid.
O: That's what I was thinking but I had too much dignity to say it.
(more rhyming)
O I didn't even get paid for getting laid..
C: Well, that seems inefficient.
M: You could have a really sexy national anthem; what do you guys think about that?
C: How do you mean?
M: Like "Canada makes me hot! Hot! Hot!" What do you guys think?
H: Yessssssss....
O: If it's vegan then it means it's somewhat healthy.
T: I can name you lots of things that are vegan. Turpentine...
O: That would be bad if people had me mind their house. I think they'd reevaluate their values....
T: Have a majordomo. I've always liked the word majordomo.
O: What's his name?
T: Ricardo.
O: I think my mother would actually really appreciate it if I gave her a voodoo doll of me for Mother's Day. And a little mop...
O: Oh sweetness, why must you taste so sweet?
T: Because your brains is hardwired to crave glucose.
C: It's a conspiracy. A conspiracy to make you fat.
O: Conspiracies taste good...
O: I've never been pied. I've always wanted to be pied. On Pi Day...
O: That's my idea for a love confession. I would write "I love you" on a pie and then hit the boy in the face....it would be the last thing he sees...
T: My vibe is pure and sweet and kind and gentle.
C: That just means you're good at deceiving people.
T: And that's my problem how?
(I still question the gentle, by the way)
T: So what did you have for dinner?
CC: I had roast beef and french fries and four little children and I'm expecting...
*laughter*
CC: Oh no! I didn't eat them!!!
T: The only thing I liked about it (gym class) was the rape self defense class.
C: That's because you got to beat someone up.
T: I beat him up goooood. He's remember it for liiiife.
C: I cannot applaud his taste.
T: I thought you said goalies were supposed to be crazy.
C: Yes, but do they have to like country singers?
C: I'd like to see an action movie that doesn't violate any laws of physics. I think it would be revolutionary.
T: 2001: A Space Odyssey didn't violate any laws of physics. I mean, it had aliens in it...
T: Well, there's a magical piece of clothing that will hide any figure flaw. It's called a burqa. It will even hide the flaws of your face...
T: "I'm trying not to look down. I don't want to look down. Oh god, I looked down."
CC: It's like a guy trying not to look at a girl's tits.
(re Ron McLean's reaction to Don Cherry's flowery suit)
C: Another parking ticket?
dad: No more parking for a while. Their loss.
CW: Of course, java-themed jokes can help.
TNV: They're a filter. They rule out the people I don't want to date.
CW: That's what I say about all of my weird habits.
T: I'm not a rebel without a cause; I have a cause: it's Chomskyian syntax, dammit! Down with wh- movement!
OH: Look how beautiful and brown it is!
T: Look how beautiful and beige mine is.
O: It's like the purity of your soul versus the darkness of mine.
O: ...no, they only see blue because that's the only wavelength down there. So The Little Mermaid is totally incorrect. She shouldn't have red hair; it should be blue....actually, The Little Mermaid is totally incorrect because they're all bright and tropical down there!!!
T: O, The Little Mermaid is incorrect because mermaids don't exist.
...
O: At least I still have Santa Claus...we don't even have Santa Claus in my religion.
T: You have the angel of death! They leave out milk and cookies and Santa Claus will come; you paint blood on the doorframe and the angel of death won't come!!
O: It tastes like chicken!!
T: Communion wafers taste like chicken?
O: Well, they should, shouldn't they?
O: Oh, I just love pollination. Happyhappyhappy.
O: ...so that just proves that sex isn't gender.
T: No duh sex isn't gender. In French tables have gender but they can't have sex!
O: It's a deformed heart!
T: If your heart is deformed, what does it mean?
C: You have very poorly oxygenated blood.
UT: We just gave them blankets with TB, and alcohol--the Americans shot them.
HW: Apparently, Mike Harris has six toes on one foot.
mum: That's just ignorant.
H: I think that's high school hatred.
dad: Anne Boleyn had six fingers.
UT: What's that? Anne Boleyn?
dad: She had 6 fingers.
UT: And no head.
MW: I want to harvest a bone from somewhere in my body and add it here so I can have a really long finger and point it at people.
mum: I think you're craving something. In your diet.
MW: I don't want to eat it. I'm going to have a really long finger and point it at people.
mum: I'm serious. Calcium.
CW: Who's this?
H: Amy Winehouse. Bad life choices, but she's good.
H: We need more strong women, I feel. You're strong, I think, and I can be strong. You're just....weird.
*CW starts laughing*
H: You just don't fit into any category, which I suppose is what you want, so go you...
O: One of the great things about birthdays is that you can impose your taste upon people.
T: Can you sew?
O: No. When I need to hem my pants, I tape them up with duct tape on the inside.
O: I wouldn't want to tell my grandchildren that.
T: About proposing in lolcat?
O: They'd, like, disown me and I wouldn't be able to put animal hats on them.
O: We're selling things, right? Selling boots?
T: We're selling boots? I thought we were building a Death Star! You lured me in with false pretenses!
C: You could be our PR person.
O: I could. I'd like that. I could be like "Look, it's not scary, at all!"
O: I find our relationship to be really disfunctional because he's like "I want to make kissy faces" and I'm like "I want to talk about my genetics exam and what groceries you're going to buy today..."
T: Politeness is horribly dangerous in communication.
O: I'd be like, "why do I have a shovel in my hand?"
T: To brain someone!
O: If I killed C, then she'd love me!
T: My dear, take some lessons in logic.
T: Because NFs make life bright and beautiful until they're like "ooh, shiny!"
O: When you move your head all the shiny things move and it's hard to concentrate.
T: I don't have thongs. I'm sorry.
C: Yeah, they're not comfortable and they don't even make good slingshots.
T: And they were made...to get you laid.
O: That's what I was thinking but I had too much dignity to say it.
(more rhyming)
O I didn't even get paid for getting laid..
C: Well, that seems inefficient.
M: You could have a really sexy national anthem; what do you guys think about that?
C: How do you mean?
M: Like "Canada makes me hot! Hot! Hot!" What do you guys think?
H: Yessssssss....
O: If it's vegan then it means it's somewhat healthy.
T: I can name you lots of things that are vegan. Turpentine...
O: That would be bad if people had me mind their house. I think they'd reevaluate their values....
T: Have a majordomo. I've always liked the word majordomo.
O: What's his name?
T: Ricardo.
O: I think my mother would actually really appreciate it if I gave her a voodoo doll of me for Mother's Day. And a little mop...
O: Oh sweetness, why must you taste so sweet?
T: Because your brains is hardwired to crave glucose.
C: It's a conspiracy. A conspiracy to make you fat.
O: Conspiracies taste good...
O: I've never been pied. I've always wanted to be pied. On Pi Day...
O: That's my idea for a love confession. I would write "I love you" on a pie and then hit the boy in the face....it would be the last thing he sees...
T: My vibe is pure and sweet and kind and gentle.
C: That just means you're good at deceiving people.
T: And that's my problem how?
(I still question the gentle, by the way)
T: So what did you have for dinner?
CC: I had roast beef and french fries and four little children and I'm expecting...
*laughter*
CC: Oh no! I didn't eat them!!!
T: The only thing I liked about it (gym class) was the rape self defense class.
C: That's because you got to beat someone up.
T: I beat him up goooood. He's remember it for liiiife.
C: I cannot applaud his taste.
T: I thought you said goalies were supposed to be crazy.
C: Yes, but do they have to like country singers?
C: I'd like to see an action movie that doesn't violate any laws of physics. I think it would be revolutionary.
T: 2001: A Space Odyssey didn't violate any laws of physics. I mean, it had aliens in it...
T: Well, there's a magical piece of clothing that will hide any figure flaw. It's called a burqa. It will even hide the flaws of your face...
T: "I'm trying not to look down. I don't want to look down. Oh god, I looked down."
CC: It's like a guy trying not to look at a girl's tits.
(re Ron McLean's reaction to Don Cherry's flowery suit)
April 13, 2008: Mind if I take a gander at your PERT?
S2: Who does a google search on google for "google"?
P1: ...It's a list of the 9 reasons why google can be considered a god.
P1: If people couldn't see what we were looking at, they'd just hear me saying 'oh, that's beautiful' and you saying 'oh yeah, that's good right there' ...
P1: It's really weird to have found another person who gets off on buildings falling apart.
P1: I've gotten no work done today. Leave.
S2: *laughs* Fuck you.
P1: I hate men.
C: Me too. I hate women, too.
P1: They're better, but yeah. I hate all humans.
A1: That's why you're going to be a librarian.
P1: Yeah...if you're going to talk to people who are trying to find out stuff they don't know: that's already a step above most people.
P1: I need to get away from you people. C's telling me she dreams of words...
A1: I fall asleep trying to spell things in Ancient Greek.
P1: *pause* It's ok. I fell asleep trying to think of all the words that change from f to v in the plural...
P1: Do you think that "semantics" is the only good word with "man" in it?
C: Emancipation?
P1: Like, gynecologist, management, menstruation, menopause...
C: Mandibles of death?
P1: ....you bleed when you tear your hymen. "Men" is in there. Semen gets you pregnant....in French, "mentir" is to lie. Coincidence? I think not. Mental....mentally deranged...."Manticore" is cool.
C: That's cool.
P1: You know the worst providence in Canada? Manitoba.
C: Manifestation. That's a cool word.
P1: It can be. Manipulation....
P1: You have emotions, you have emotions...
C: Yes, but I don't use them. To make decisions.
P1: You should have stopped the sentence there. "But I don't use them."
R2: You can tell you didn't sleep because you're not talking.
P1: I'm listening to the music in my head.
R2: As long as it's not the voices, you should be ok.
R2: Wow, everyone looks lively today.
P1: She was, earlier. She punched me. She was going to slap me, she said.
V: You looked like you needed it. For health purposes.
P1: I'm going to use that when the cops show up because I beat my wife. "But she looked like she needed it! For health purposes!"
Q: Oh, it's the fun bunch!
V: What do you mean by that?
Q: What? You guys are fun to be around.
V&P: Fun?
Q: Oh my god, you guys. You give you guys a compliment and you're just like "What do you mean by that? Fun?"
V: WE'RE NOT FUN!!!
Q: "This is library school!"
P1: So, you must be tired from guarding boxes today.
S2: Oh, I wasn't guarding boxes. I was doing something far more glamourous. I was rummaging through them.
P1: And what's really weird for a guy who likes urban decay and backwards conservatism: why the hell did you ever leave St John??
P1: I'm hoping that it's true, because I want to be the first person whose wife told them they wanted to have a baby through Facebook....my claim to fame...I'd be like, "your mum said she wanted to have you through Facebook!"; kid's like "What's Facebook?"
P1: To be fair, I'm on Facebook because my wife told me she wants to have a baby.
J6: With who?
P2: Ok, I think we're all treating that as funnier than it is because we need to.
J6: Come on, it was funny. Don't take that away from me.
P1: I hate you all. Just to make that clear.
J6: All of my conversations have to turn into the morbidly depressing thing.
P2: What were we talking about at dinner last night? Death?
M4: I'm sure he drinks.
J6:...No, I don't talk to Chuck Tony. He just smiles at me in the hall.
S2: Yeah, I get the winks.
P1: But the difference is: 'Damn, I have a paper due on Heidegger. That takes away from my free time, where I....want to read Heidegger!"
P1: See, the difference is she doesn't look decrepit like you.
S2: What, so I'm stupid and decrepit?!
J6: Them's fighting words. I'll get the vegetable oil, and you guys can do Turkish oil wrestling...
S2: ..yeah, he's waiting for it.
P1: Waiting for you to manhandle me? I've been waiting all year...
P1: Do you think McGill University would be such a well-respected university if thee founder's name was McGillicuddy?
S2: And I'm not even going to ask what GANTT stands for.
C: I never bothered to find out either.
G: It never occurred to me that it stood for something. I just thought it was named after Mr. GANTT. Who spelt his name in all caps.
S2: Mind if I take a gander at your PERT?
G: S***, that sounded really inappropriate.
P1: She just likes laughing at other people's pain.
C: Pain's funny.
Q: Other people's only, or yours too?
C: All pain's funny.
Q: *shifts chair* Get away from me!
A2: Do you think the hand size is an indication of anything?
P1: Yeah, small hands...
A2: That's probably why they're always so 'rrrrr!'
P1: You'd be cranky too if you couldn't reach your crotch! ... Ohmygod, poor amputees!
P1: ...It's a list of the 9 reasons why google can be considered a god.
P1: If people couldn't see what we were looking at, they'd just hear me saying 'oh, that's beautiful' and you saying 'oh yeah, that's good right there' ...
P1: It's really weird to have found another person who gets off on buildings falling apart.
P1: I've gotten no work done today. Leave.
S2: *laughs* Fuck you.
P1: I hate men.
C: Me too. I hate women, too.
P1: They're better, but yeah. I hate all humans.
A1: That's why you're going to be a librarian.
P1: Yeah...if you're going to talk to people who are trying to find out stuff they don't know: that's already a step above most people.
P1: I need to get away from you people. C's telling me she dreams of words...
A1: I fall asleep trying to spell things in Ancient Greek.
P1: *pause* It's ok. I fell asleep trying to think of all the words that change from f to v in the plural...
P1: Do you think that "semantics" is the only good word with "man" in it?
C: Emancipation?
P1: Like, gynecologist, management, menstruation, menopause...
C: Mandibles of death?
P1: ....you bleed when you tear your hymen. "Men" is in there. Semen gets you pregnant....in French, "mentir" is to lie. Coincidence? I think not. Mental....mentally deranged...."Manticore" is cool.
C: That's cool.
P1: You know the worst providence in Canada? Manitoba.
C: Manifestation. That's a cool word.
P1: It can be. Manipulation....
P1: You have emotions, you have emotions...
C: Yes, but I don't use them. To make decisions.
P1: You should have stopped the sentence there. "But I don't use them."
R2: You can tell you didn't sleep because you're not talking.
P1: I'm listening to the music in my head.
R2: As long as it's not the voices, you should be ok.
R2: Wow, everyone looks lively today.
P1: She was, earlier. She punched me. She was going to slap me, she said.
V: You looked like you needed it. For health purposes.
P1: I'm going to use that when the cops show up because I beat my wife. "But she looked like she needed it! For health purposes!"
Q: Oh, it's the fun bunch!
V: What do you mean by that?
Q: What? You guys are fun to be around.
V&P: Fun?
Q: Oh my god, you guys. You give you guys a compliment and you're just like "What do you mean by that? Fun?"
V: WE'RE NOT FUN!!!
Q: "This is library school!"
P1: So, you must be tired from guarding boxes today.
S2: Oh, I wasn't guarding boxes. I was doing something far more glamourous. I was rummaging through them.
P1: And what's really weird for a guy who likes urban decay and backwards conservatism: why the hell did you ever leave St John??
P1: I'm hoping that it's true, because I want to be the first person whose wife told them they wanted to have a baby through Facebook....my claim to fame...I'd be like, "your mum said she wanted to have you through Facebook!"; kid's like "What's Facebook?"
P1: To be fair, I'm on Facebook because my wife told me she wants to have a baby.
J6: With who?
P2: Ok, I think we're all treating that as funnier than it is because we need to.
J6: Come on, it was funny. Don't take that away from me.
P1: I hate you all. Just to make that clear.
J6: All of my conversations have to turn into the morbidly depressing thing.
P2: What were we talking about at dinner last night? Death?
M4: I'm sure he drinks.
J6:...No, I don't talk to Chuck Tony. He just smiles at me in the hall.
S2: Yeah, I get the winks.
P1: But the difference is: 'Damn, I have a paper due on Heidegger. That takes away from my free time, where I....want to read Heidegger!"
P1: See, the difference is she doesn't look decrepit like you.
S2: What, so I'm stupid and decrepit?!
J6: Them's fighting words. I'll get the vegetable oil, and you guys can do Turkish oil wrestling...
S2: ..yeah, he's waiting for it.
P1: Waiting for you to manhandle me? I've been waiting all year...
P1: Do you think McGill University would be such a well-respected university if thee founder's name was McGillicuddy?
S2: And I'm not even going to ask what GANTT stands for.
C: I never bothered to find out either.
G: It never occurred to me that it stood for something. I just thought it was named after Mr. GANTT. Who spelt his name in all caps.
S2: Mind if I take a gander at your PERT?
G: S***, that sounded really inappropriate.
P1: She just likes laughing at other people's pain.
C: Pain's funny.
Q: Other people's only, or yours too?
C: All pain's funny.
Q: *shifts chair* Get away from me!
A2: Do you think the hand size is an indication of anything?
P1: Yeah, small hands...
A2: That's probably why they're always so 'rrrrr!'
P1: You'd be cranky too if you couldn't reach your crotch! ... Ohmygod, poor amputees!
S6: Although good marriages have both parties involved in the playoff dates.
D1: Get up, you Greek weakling, get up! You're embarassing me!
S2: Voici le gâteau!
C: Very good french, B***!
S2: Je suis le pamplemousse. Je suis un pamplemousse avec les chaussures verts!
C2: Are you sure that makes us losers, or does that make you a loser?
G: No, really. C, you know what LOLcat is, right?
C: Yes.
G: See? Cats made to talk with grammar, like..
C: Yes but G***? that makes you a loser.
G: Oh, yeah...
S1: Oh my god, you brought the notebook to the party?!??!
G: It's library school students drinking.
S1: Make sure to tell P** that my dark and lonely cave was satisfied. rrrrr from the bathroom... My dark and lonely cave was satisfied by myself!!!
S1: You go to the room and they're like "dance, dammit!" and you're like "why? I'm already freaked out from your artwork!"
S2: Like, the girls are not having fun. It's very low-key, reserved fun...
S2: It's not cardigan season, anymore.
C2: It's always cardigan season, S***!!!
S1: We should get them to play Corey Hart for you!!! If P*** was here, they'd play it like 5 times.
S5: C, are you drunk yet?
C: No; I don't drink.
S5: Because it would be really funny if you were drunk. Not that you're not hilarious when you're sober.
S3: That's my motto: ethical fucking shit all the fucking time!!!
C: The dance floor is so awkward-looking, I love how they're trying to start something, and it's just like...they're librarians.
S5: I know, eh! It's not like, they're too drunk; it's they're too drunk and they're librarians.
C: I fall asleep making up words.
S5: I thought you said you fell asleep making out.
C: That would be rude...
S3: Are you coming out with us later?
J5: Where are we going?
S3: I dunno.
J5: Sounds pretty wild. I'm just a girl from Manitoba...
J5; The thing about Maritime boys is that they're so nice, so they can get you to do all sorts of bad things because they're so nice...
S3: What sorts of bad things?
S3: I can count the people with backbone on the back of my hand. I'm an easy going guy in the army, but....
Q: Yeah, but army....library school...
S3: Maybe it's a farm song. "Ass 'n titties"
S2: It's about animal husbandry!
April 6, 2008: The Quick & Dirty Guide to Inappropriate Library Terminology
J3: I took the personality disorder test and I didn't have one! I felt a little left out...the fact that I'm depressed about not having a disorder makes me question their online free test.
S2: How are you?
K1: *growls*
S2: I know! I was going to bike today, and it was going to be the only good thing about today!
C: You're just judgmental.
J3: I am judgmental about rat tails, yes, I'll admit that.
K1: I am judgmental about rat tails, real & hair.
S2: ..I had a rat tail in, like, grade one or two...
C: Ew.
S2: What do you want from me?! It was, like, grade two! My sartorial sense wasn't developed!
C: Sartorial is clothing.
K1: You post a lot of things about infjs...
C: Intjs..
K1: Yeah, and I'm infj, which is also socially retarded.
C: Yeah? At least you're not voted most likely to be a serial killer.
K1: Oh are you? I'm most likely to be Jesus.
J9: Sorry, Im just out of it; that's why I'm staring out you.
K1: She's stoned.
C: Totally out of it.
K1: I wish I was stoned.
K1: Is it really spiritual?
C2: No, not really.
K1: Good. I just get irritated when books try to tell me things.
C2: It's mostly how humans are evil and we should change the way we live.
K1: I read that, and I'm like 'I like me. I like my friends.'
C2: I like eating meat.
K1: I like bacon...
C: Just say no to what? Drugs? Sex?
J1: It's an abstinence heart.
S2: I am seriously losing it.
P1: You are the worst speller I've ever met.
C: I've met six-year-olds who are worse.
P1: Not me.
C: Really? I've met some stupid six-year olds.
P1: We've already talked about this. We're for the independent Maritimes.
S2: Totally, yeah.
S1: You're already floating out there.
p1: I don't think we're floating.
D1: ...Alberta should seperate.
P1: ...No, totally, the worse decision the Maritimes ever made was to join Canada. We were rich.You guys were poor.
D1: So what are you going to call it?
S2: I dunno...Maritimia?...The People's Republic of Maritimia.
P1: Yeah, we were already having that argument. I was like, 'it's totally a girl,' and she was like, 'I know my body; it's a boy,' and I said 'you don't know shit about your body.'
P1: See, this is what makes me think I'm not a guy. It doesn't bother me when girls talk about their periods.
C: It bothers me. I think it's disgusting.
R2: Yeah, I don't talk about it that much.
P1: I probably talk about it more than you do....shit.
p1: You might get beaten up, though. You keep on laughing at other people's pain.
*C laughs hysterically*
R2: Are you ok?
C: Just losing it a little.
R2: Losing it.
P1: Yeah, like you talk like this is a process you're undergoing.
R2: You've already lost it.
P1: Sit down and grab some imaginary ass with V*** here....I said imaginary.
J1: But it's right there.
P1: I didnt say the ass of your dreams.
V1: I dated a guy like that.
P1: "I like no boobs, no ass, and the body of a twelve-year old boy."
J1: That flies in the face of all evolutionary biology.
P1: Why not like guys?
P1: I would not be surprised if he wrote a song called "The Rape of the Lock" just to piss off his fans, because they'd be like 'cool, rape!'
P1: You know who I hate? Old people.
Q: You know, there's a problem with that, because you're going to be old someday.
P1: Yeah, but when I'm old, I'm not going to call an ambulance at 3am because I'm having trouble breathing.. You're old.
P1: Did you know there are 3 Dali paintings in Fredericton? Yeah, because Lord Beaverbrook used to hang around with Dali all the time.
C: Really?
Q: Lord Beaverbrook?
P1: Yeah. I call him Jebediah Fredericton, because Lord Beaverbrook was basically the Conrad Black of his time only he didn't steal the money.
Q: I went to Ottawa on the weekend, and you know what I noticed? This country is really sparsely populated....there was nothing, just like, trees and snow...
C: What, you don't like trees and snow?
P1: You're in the wrong fucking country, buddy.
P1: You're wearing a skirt.
C: Yeah, I really need to do laundry one of these days.
P1; It's freaking me out.
C: I'm running out of clothing!
P1: Hence the sweatpants yesterday?
C: Exactly.
P1: I like how you went Walmart slobby before dressy.
C: I gotta be me.
P1: Ever notice how people with a droopy bottom lip are always stupid?...There's no one with it at this school...it's like, you don't have the cognitive power to keep your lip from drooping...There's like normal, mouth breather, and mouth breather droopy bottom lip tard. Yeah. Someone should do a study. And after they do the study, I should do a user needs assessment....
P1: I'd like to check this book into your library and by book I mean my penis...and by library I mean any of your 3 orifices....'
S1: I'll guide your tool...
p1: Let me shelve this...I'll let you fill in the blanks..
S1: All our portals are open access...
P1: Quick&dirty....
S1: Let me service your needs.
P1: We need to write a guide..."The Quick & Dirty Guide to Inappropriate Library Terminology"
S1: If I have any children, they're not drinking any cow milk.
P1: Neither are mine, but for different reasons.
S1: It's like weird, freakish boobs out to here...no, it's genetics too, I'm sure. I'm not complaining about the boobs.
P1: I am. I'm flat...
S1: B*** totally wants P***. He just followed him with his eyes. He's totally jealous of S***.
P1; Don't you just want to pull W***'s ponytail?
C: I know eh? I hate sitting behind people with ponytails; I just want to yank it.
P!: Don't you just want to pull it and floss with it?
C: Nooo...
P1: She keeps whipping it around, like something in my teeth.
S1: Apparently all the library school girls are like sex fiends.
P1: Yeah, I heard at this end of school party, even the lonely girls bring their vibrators and go to town...You open the bathroom door and it's just like rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
P1: I'm going to miss hitting on that guy for four months.
C: You'll just have to find someone else to hit on.
P1: Maybe I'll hit on my wife.
Q: She'll just look at you funny. 'What are you doing?'
S2: How are you?
K1: *growls*
S2: I know! I was going to bike today, and it was going to be the only good thing about today!
C: You're just judgmental.
J3: I am judgmental about rat tails, yes, I'll admit that.
K1: I am judgmental about rat tails, real & hair.
S2: ..I had a rat tail in, like, grade one or two...
C: Ew.
S2: What do you want from me?! It was, like, grade two! My sartorial sense wasn't developed!
C: Sartorial is clothing.
K1: You post a lot of things about infjs...
C: Intjs..
K1: Yeah, and I'm infj, which is also socially retarded.
C: Yeah? At least you're not voted most likely to be a serial killer.
K1: Oh are you? I'm most likely to be Jesus.
J9: Sorry, Im just out of it; that's why I'm staring out you.
K1: She's stoned.
C: Totally out of it.
K1: I wish I was stoned.
K1: Is it really spiritual?
C2: No, not really.
K1: Good. I just get irritated when books try to tell me things.
C2: It's mostly how humans are evil and we should change the way we live.
K1: I read that, and I'm like 'I like me. I like my friends.'
C2: I like eating meat.
K1: I like bacon...
C: Just say no to what? Drugs? Sex?
J1: It's an abstinence heart.
S2: I am seriously losing it.
P1: You are the worst speller I've ever met.
C: I've met six-year-olds who are worse.
P1: Not me.
C: Really? I've met some stupid six-year olds.
P1: We've already talked about this. We're for the independent Maritimes.
S2: Totally, yeah.
S1: You're already floating out there.
p1: I don't think we're floating.
D1: ...Alberta should seperate.
P1: ...No, totally, the worse decision the Maritimes ever made was to join Canada. We were rich.You guys were poor.
D1: So what are you going to call it?
S2: I dunno...Maritimia?...The People's Republic of Maritimia.
P1: Yeah, we were already having that argument. I was like, 'it's totally a girl,' and she was like, 'I know my body; it's a boy,' and I said 'you don't know shit about your body.'
P1: See, this is what makes me think I'm not a guy. It doesn't bother me when girls talk about their periods.
C: It bothers me. I think it's disgusting.
R2: Yeah, I don't talk about it that much.
P1: I probably talk about it more than you do....shit.
p1: You might get beaten up, though. You keep on laughing at other people's pain.
*C laughs hysterically*
R2: Are you ok?
C: Just losing it a little.
R2: Losing it.
P1: Yeah, like you talk like this is a process you're undergoing.
R2: You've already lost it.
P1: Sit down and grab some imaginary ass with V*** here....I said imaginary.
J1: But it's right there.
P1: I didnt say the ass of your dreams.
V1: I dated a guy like that.
P1: "I like no boobs, no ass, and the body of a twelve-year old boy."
J1: That flies in the face of all evolutionary biology.
P1: Why not like guys?
P1: I would not be surprised if he wrote a song called "The Rape of the Lock" just to piss off his fans, because they'd be like 'cool, rape!'
P1: You know who I hate? Old people.
Q: You know, there's a problem with that, because you're going to be old someday.
P1: Yeah, but when I'm old, I'm not going to call an ambulance at 3am because I'm having trouble breathing.. You're old.
P1: Did you know there are 3 Dali paintings in Fredericton? Yeah, because Lord Beaverbrook used to hang around with Dali all the time.
C: Really?
Q: Lord Beaverbrook?
P1: Yeah. I call him Jebediah Fredericton, because Lord Beaverbrook was basically the Conrad Black of his time only he didn't steal the money.
Q: I went to Ottawa on the weekend, and you know what I noticed? This country is really sparsely populated....there was nothing, just like, trees and snow...
C: What, you don't like trees and snow?
P1: You're in the wrong fucking country, buddy.
P1: You're wearing a skirt.
C: Yeah, I really need to do laundry one of these days.
P1; It's freaking me out.
C: I'm running out of clothing!
P1: Hence the sweatpants yesterday?
C: Exactly.
P1: I like how you went Walmart slobby before dressy.
C: I gotta be me.
P1: Ever notice how people with a droopy bottom lip are always stupid?...There's no one with it at this school...it's like, you don't have the cognitive power to keep your lip from drooping...There's like normal, mouth breather, and mouth breather droopy bottom lip tard. Yeah. Someone should do a study. And after they do the study, I should do a user needs assessment....
P1: I'd like to check this book into your library and by book I mean my penis...and by library I mean any of your 3 orifices....'
S1: I'll guide your tool...
p1: Let me shelve this...I'll let you fill in the blanks..
S1: All our portals are open access...
P1: Quick&dirty....
S1: Let me service your needs.
P1: We need to write a guide..."The Quick & Dirty Guide to Inappropriate Library Terminology"
S1: If I have any children, they're not drinking any cow milk.
P1: Neither are mine, but for different reasons.
S1: It's like weird, freakish boobs out to here...no, it's genetics too, I'm sure. I'm not complaining about the boobs.
P1: I am. I'm flat...
S1: B*** totally wants P***. He just followed him with his eyes. He's totally jealous of S***.
P1; Don't you just want to pull W***'s ponytail?
C: I know eh? I hate sitting behind people with ponytails; I just want to yank it.
P!: Don't you just want to pull it and floss with it?
C: Nooo...
P1: She keeps whipping it around, like something in my teeth.
S1: Apparently all the library school girls are like sex fiends.
P1: Yeah, I heard at this end of school party, even the lonely girls bring their vibrators and go to town...You open the bathroom door and it's just like rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
P1: I'm going to miss hitting on that guy for four months.
C: You'll just have to find someone else to hit on.
P1: Maybe I'll hit on my wife.
Q: She'll just look at you funny. 'What are you doing?'
March 28, 200: I made a poster with Hello Kitty characters and I still got an A
B4: It looks pretty cheesy.
S1: I know, but it has Eric Bana in tights.
P1: I can sit in your lap? Has the day finally come where we can show our love in public? ‘Cause we do it all the time in private…
S2: I’m still pretty much a closet case, P***. I’m not confident enough in my sexuality…
P1: I want to go. Can we go?
C: You need to learn to meditate. Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth…Slowly, you idiot.
J6: I wanted to be closer to S*** But not C.
C: Well, who would? I radiate evil.
J6: I wasn’t going so much for radiate evil, as smell…
C: I was using ‘radiate’ as a poetic word for smell…
S8: You’re drinking beer four days after declaring yourself straight edge.
S2: Yeah…
J6: And it wasn’t really straight edge.
S8: And he modified the definition of straight edge.
S2: Two beers.
S2: I find when I’m around you and P***, I sigh a lot.
C: Yes, I’ve noticed that.
S2: It’s also the subject matter. It would be pretty weird if you were pretentious about being in library school.
G2: There are some. But they stand out as being pretty…well…
M4: People liked to dress up for their presentations…I was pretty surprised when someone went to see a makeup artist for their presentation. For Research Principles and Analysis!
S2: Easter…that’s on Sunday, right?
C *hysterical laughter*
G2 writes: she lost it at Easter time
J3: We were expressing our disdain for makeup products in a purse.
C: and purses.
S2: I have a purse.
C *hysterical laughter*
S2: Well, what else would I call it?! It’s a purse!
J6: It’s a bag! I have a bag just like it!!!
J7: Let’s solve this with archival description—no, come on, it’ll be funny!
C: I don’t think more beer will help.
J3: There’s always the hope, delusional though it may be.
M4: It’s the humble thoughts of a North Montrealer. But I should be mayor. And, don’t worry, I’ll take care of the snow.
J7: I used to make up stories when I was a tour guide about Labrador. Like, “It was called the Golden Isle…”
S2 (nostalgically): It was my first tear gas.
G2: Was it fruitful?
S2: I’d say it was, yes.
C: I still think he’s a vampire.
S8: Who?? Did you just say Jesus is a vampire?
J6: No, he’s a vampire slayer. Did any of you see the movie Jesus the Vampire slayer?
M4: My neighbour, who’s a witch, she’s a prostitute. She’s really old…I couldn’t believe it when the police first came. I was like ‘NO!!!!!
S8: She’s talented.
J3: Multi-talented if she’s also a witch.
S8: I’m improving my vocabulary every day. “pimp”-“pimp.”
M4: You speak French and you don’t even know it.
S2: Oh my god there are two? I didn’t know there were two! Je ne suis pas ton blonde!!!
__________________________
OH: She was like, you only live once, so you might as well do things that make you happy.
CW: You only die once too.
O: That’s besides the point.
TNV: You can die more than once if you have out of body experiences. Clinical death.
O: That’s true.
CW: I intend to die only once. That sounds terribly inefficient.
CC: So I went to Health Services and I said “Hi, I’ve been having violent dry heaves and fainting and I feel funny.” and they said “You’re pregnant.” and I said “No I’m not!” but they made me take a pregnancy test…but I got my deferral so it came out alright.
O: There’s something in the air at Carleton.
O: I was like, what do you do with bullies? I would tattle to the teacher. Oh, wait, she’s sleeping with the teacher…everything went downhill after puberty.
CC: I can’t believe I got hit on and didn’t even know it!!
CC: Some people are really depressed because they don’t have any good friends or someone to care for...
T: Or it’s the time of year, they don’t have sunlight, or chocolate…
CW: Or they’re in library school…
O: You could be like a honey trap. “With one look, I can make a professor pop a boner in class.” I’m sure there’s a demand for that in the workforce.
T: Well he smoked a lot and he took drugs a lot. He was like the Kurt Cobain of Russia, only better.
O: Please write that, it made me happy…you’re like the secretary, that’s awesome.
T: The sexy blonde secretary.
CW: I believe in self-respect!!
O: Library school teaches you self-respect?
CW: I’m trying to hold onto it for dear life.
CC: I told everyone I know about your Archie comic project.
CW: Oh god…
O: So, if I ever had a child, I’m going to give every one of them ‘Danger’ as their middle name. So they can legitimately say “Danger is my middle name.”…I’m going to write the best book about parenting ever. I’ll be the L. Ron Hubbard of parenting.
O: You know what I totally want to do? I want to go on a speed-dating thing, and the first thing I do when they sit down, is say “I don’t like you; go away.”
T: When I wrote a poem to study for my calculus exam, it was possibly the stupidest poem in the history of the universe. I rhymed “Stokes” with “blokes” because I needed to remember Stokes theorem…
O: I’ve got an idea. We’re all good at nerdy things, right? We should write a book about nerdy studying things.
CC: “Nerd Tips for Retards.”
O: So rejection is just “I don’t want to make kissy faces with you and have sexy time with you” but nothing else is contingent upon it except sexy time…apparently whenever I talk about relationships then I do hand puppets. It’s like “I like you” I like you too” “mwah!” I told that too my prof and she was like “…”
C: People always tell me that I’m hard to read, but I’m like ‘but everything I say is accurate and relevant to the discussion! Why are you reading my expression???’
O: It’s because most people are used to functioning on a monkey level and when they meet a real human being, they don’t know how to deal with it…
O: “Roses are red/ Violets are blue / Xylem is dead / And so are you.” That was my little mnemonic poem.
__________________________
C: The pope cancelled purgatory, did you hear that?
JW: Yeah, he cancelled it, what the hell??
Dad: I was looking forward to that.
__________________________
C: Is it a problem that, in my personal music collection, I have a folder called “Music People Cut Themselves To”?
J1: It’s not healthy, maybe…
S2: I missed that.
S1 She’ll(L) cut hair for sexual favours.
S2: Now I’m booked 3 times today.
C2: S**’s a big whore.
J1: It’s ten minutes well-spent…eight…
C: I still think a catapult is a perfectly appropriate reaction to an overly large spoon.
J1: ‘Mah spoon is too big!’
C: Yet another way men are from Mars and women are from Venus? Because according to all those studies, I’m a man.
V: That’s why were not doing management styles, C.
P1: I feel like I’m going to tell somebody off real soon.
A1: You said that last year, and I waited.
P1: No, I said I was going to tell off a specific person, but I’m telling you guys because if it was one of you, I’m sorry and it was completely uncalled for.
A1: That’s ok, I’ll just kick you in the nuts.
P1: Except you with your notebook. That would be called for.
S8: Is it wrong to hate people because they’re stupid?
C: No.
S8: Good. Because I hate a lot of people because they’re stupid.
S2: Tell me. Whisper it tenderly into my ear, P***.
P1: Anything for you, S***. Tonight, when we’re along, just the two of us…
C: We all know you weren’t really talking.
P1: It was mostly pillow talk. It nibbled on that spot that really gets me…why do you do this to yourself?
S2: What, talk to you?
P1: Yes.
P1: ..A*** asked me, ‘who would you rather have a girl or a guy?’ and I said ‘Well, there are a lot more dishes to be done, than driveways to be shoveled, so I guess a girl’ it was just the first thing that came into my head…
S2: …It’s this skill that people who aren’t P** learn…
P1: What’s that?
S2: It’s like, before you speak, there’s this filter: “Will I be beaten for saying this?”
C: ..I kind of respect her for that. But I still think she’s too perky.
P1: We can’t all be the Angel of Death like you. If a guy showed up on a date with flowers, you’d be like…
C: I prefer trees.
P1: …“Thanks for giving me dead flowers. They’re dead now. Withering.”
P1: What are you doing here?
A1: Oh, I have to meet my who-who.
P1: Your hoo-hoo? That’s usually something that’s attached to your body.
A1: Oh, then my them-them.
P1: Then I know what you’re talking about. Please don’t call it that again.
K1?: I used to babysit and whenever I answered the phone they’d think I was the kid. And so I answered like I was. “Yeah, mumma’s fine..”
P1: I need to go poopoo now, bye.”
P1: I worked at an apartment building for elderly people and that’s why I know what it’s like to be a women. These creepy old men and these creepy old women were checking me out….I was walking down the hallway and I’d hear these doors open and this creepy old lady would be peeking out the door, like “ghgssh…” I know what it feels like to be an object.
J8: And when they flirt with you when you get them their coffee. And it’s just like.. “yeah…I’ll get you some more jello.”
K1: They just want your blood. So they can grow young again.
S1: I made a poster with Hello Kitty characters and I still got an A.
C: Archie comics. I told my friends that…
S1: Oh, I don’t tell anyone that…
C: …and they’re still disseminating the story.
S1:..because they’d think I was in a mental institution and just pretending I was in Grad School.
S2: Are you telling me it was better than Tim Horton’s Museum of Awesomeness and Institute for Advanced Research?? Because that was a special moment we shared together!
S1 You’re breaking his heart.
P1: No, listen. The first part she presented her PhD research on information seeking models and then we made our own. I was working with K**, C3, and some girl I didn’t know…
S2: C3? C3? *storms out*
J1: You seem like the kind of person who wouldn’t want to bring children into this cruel world.
P1: I want to teach them to hate the same things I hate.
S1: he wants to have minions, not children.
--Various, what if they disagree with you, become uber-religious speculations--
P1: So long as they’re not Baptists.
…S2: What if they become Republicans?
P1: They’re going to be disowned for living in the States first of all.
S1: I know, but it has Eric Bana in tights.
P1: I can sit in your lap? Has the day finally come where we can show our love in public? ‘Cause we do it all the time in private…
S2: I’m still pretty much a closet case, P***. I’m not confident enough in my sexuality…
P1: I want to go. Can we go?
C: You need to learn to meditate. Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth…Slowly, you idiot.
J6: I wanted to be closer to S*** But not C.
C: Well, who would? I radiate evil.
J6: I wasn’t going so much for radiate evil, as smell…
C: I was using ‘radiate’ as a poetic word for smell…
S8: You’re drinking beer four days after declaring yourself straight edge.
S2: Yeah…
J6: And it wasn’t really straight edge.
S8: And he modified the definition of straight edge.
S2: Two beers.
S2: I find when I’m around you and P***, I sigh a lot.
C: Yes, I’ve noticed that.
S2: It’s also the subject matter. It would be pretty weird if you were pretentious about being in library school.
G2: There are some. But they stand out as being pretty…well…
M4: People liked to dress up for their presentations…I was pretty surprised when someone went to see a makeup artist for their presentation. For Research Principles and Analysis!
S2: Easter…that’s on Sunday, right?
C *hysterical laughter*
G2 writes: she lost it at Easter time
J3: We were expressing our disdain for makeup products in a purse.
C: and purses.
S2: I have a purse.
C *hysterical laughter*
S2: Well, what else would I call it?! It’s a purse!
J6: It’s a bag! I have a bag just like it!!!
J7: Let’s solve this with archival description—no, come on, it’ll be funny!
C: I don’t think more beer will help.
J3: There’s always the hope, delusional though it may be.
M4: It’s the humble thoughts of a North Montrealer. But I should be mayor. And, don’t worry, I’ll take care of the snow.
J7: I used to make up stories when I was a tour guide about Labrador. Like, “It was called the Golden Isle…”
S2 (nostalgically): It was my first tear gas.
G2: Was it fruitful?
S2: I’d say it was, yes.
C: I still think he’s a vampire.
S8: Who?? Did you just say Jesus is a vampire?
J6: No, he’s a vampire slayer. Did any of you see the movie Jesus the Vampire slayer?
M4: My neighbour, who’s a witch, she’s a prostitute. She’s really old…I couldn’t believe it when the police first came. I was like ‘NO!!!!!
S8: She’s talented.
J3: Multi-talented if she’s also a witch.
S8: I’m improving my vocabulary every day. “pimp”-“pimp.”
M4: You speak French and you don’t even know it.
S2: Oh my god there are two? I didn’t know there were two! Je ne suis pas ton blonde!!!
__________________________
OH: She was like, you only live once, so you might as well do things that make you happy.
CW: You only die once too.
O: That’s besides the point.
TNV: You can die more than once if you have out of body experiences. Clinical death.
O: That’s true.
CW: I intend to die only once. That sounds terribly inefficient.
CC: So I went to Health Services and I said “Hi, I’ve been having violent dry heaves and fainting and I feel funny.” and they said “You’re pregnant.” and I said “No I’m not!” but they made me take a pregnancy test…but I got my deferral so it came out alright.
O: There’s something in the air at Carleton.
O: I was like, what do you do with bullies? I would tattle to the teacher. Oh, wait, she’s sleeping with the teacher…everything went downhill after puberty.
CC: I can’t believe I got hit on and didn’t even know it!!
CC: Some people are really depressed because they don’t have any good friends or someone to care for...
T: Or it’s the time of year, they don’t have sunlight, or chocolate…
CW: Or they’re in library school…
O: You could be like a honey trap. “With one look, I can make a professor pop a boner in class.” I’m sure there’s a demand for that in the workforce.
T: Well he smoked a lot and he took drugs a lot. He was like the Kurt Cobain of Russia, only better.
O: Please write that, it made me happy…you’re like the secretary, that’s awesome.
T: The sexy blonde secretary.
CW: I believe in self-respect!!
O: Library school teaches you self-respect?
CW: I’m trying to hold onto it for dear life.
CC: I told everyone I know about your Archie comic project.
CW: Oh god…
O: So, if I ever had a child, I’m going to give every one of them ‘Danger’ as their middle name. So they can legitimately say “Danger is my middle name.”…I’m going to write the best book about parenting ever. I’ll be the L. Ron Hubbard of parenting.
O: You know what I totally want to do? I want to go on a speed-dating thing, and the first thing I do when they sit down, is say “I don’t like you; go away.”
T: When I wrote a poem to study for my calculus exam, it was possibly the stupidest poem in the history of the universe. I rhymed “Stokes” with “blokes” because I needed to remember Stokes theorem…
O: I’ve got an idea. We’re all good at nerdy things, right? We should write a book about nerdy studying things.
CC: “Nerd Tips for Retards.”
O: So rejection is just “I don’t want to make kissy faces with you and have sexy time with you” but nothing else is contingent upon it except sexy time…apparently whenever I talk about relationships then I do hand puppets. It’s like “I like you” I like you too” “mwah!” I told that too my prof and she was like “…”
C: People always tell me that I’m hard to read, but I’m like ‘but everything I say is accurate and relevant to the discussion! Why are you reading my expression???’
O: It’s because most people are used to functioning on a monkey level and when they meet a real human being, they don’t know how to deal with it…
O: “Roses are red/ Violets are blue / Xylem is dead / And so are you.” That was my little mnemonic poem.
__________________________
C: The pope cancelled purgatory, did you hear that?
JW: Yeah, he cancelled it, what the hell??
Dad: I was looking forward to that.
__________________________
C: Is it a problem that, in my personal music collection, I have a folder called “Music People Cut Themselves To”?
J1: It’s not healthy, maybe…
S2: I missed that.
S1 She’ll(L) cut hair for sexual favours.
S2: Now I’m booked 3 times today.
C2: S**’s a big whore.
J1: It’s ten minutes well-spent…eight…
C: I still think a catapult is a perfectly appropriate reaction to an overly large spoon.
J1: ‘Mah spoon is too big!’
C: Yet another way men are from Mars and women are from Venus? Because according to all those studies, I’m a man.
V: That’s why were not doing management styles, C.
P1: I feel like I’m going to tell somebody off real soon.
A1: You said that last year, and I waited.
P1: No, I said I was going to tell off a specific person, but I’m telling you guys because if it was one of you, I’m sorry and it was completely uncalled for.
A1: That’s ok, I’ll just kick you in the nuts.
P1: Except you with your notebook. That would be called for.
S8: Is it wrong to hate people because they’re stupid?
C: No.
S8: Good. Because I hate a lot of people because they’re stupid.
S2: Tell me. Whisper it tenderly into my ear, P***.
P1: Anything for you, S***. Tonight, when we’re along, just the two of us…
C: We all know you weren’t really talking.
P1: It was mostly pillow talk. It nibbled on that spot that really gets me…why do you do this to yourself?
S2: What, talk to you?
P1: Yes.
P1: ..A*** asked me, ‘who would you rather have a girl or a guy?’ and I said ‘Well, there are a lot more dishes to be done, than driveways to be shoveled, so I guess a girl’ it was just the first thing that came into my head…
S2: …It’s this skill that people who aren’t P** learn…
P1: What’s that?
S2: It’s like, before you speak, there’s this filter: “Will I be beaten for saying this?”
C: ..I kind of respect her for that. But I still think she’s too perky.
P1: We can’t all be the Angel of Death like you. If a guy showed up on a date with flowers, you’d be like…
C: I prefer trees.
P1: …“Thanks for giving me dead flowers. They’re dead now. Withering.”
P1: What are you doing here?
A1: Oh, I have to meet my who-who.
P1: Your hoo-hoo? That’s usually something that’s attached to your body.
A1: Oh, then my them-them.
P1: Then I know what you’re talking about. Please don’t call it that again.
K1?: I used to babysit and whenever I answered the phone they’d think I was the kid. And so I answered like I was. “Yeah, mumma’s fine..”
P1: I need to go poopoo now, bye.”
P1: I worked at an apartment building for elderly people and that’s why I know what it’s like to be a women. These creepy old men and these creepy old women were checking me out….I was walking down the hallway and I’d hear these doors open and this creepy old lady would be peeking out the door, like “ghgssh…” I know what it feels like to be an object.
J8: And when they flirt with you when you get them their coffee. And it’s just like.. “yeah…I’ll get you some more jello.”
K1: They just want your blood. So they can grow young again.
S1: I made a poster with Hello Kitty characters and I still got an A.
C: Archie comics. I told my friends that…
S1: Oh, I don’t tell anyone that…
C: …and they’re still disseminating the story.
S1:..because they’d think I was in a mental institution and just pretending I was in Grad School.
S2: Are you telling me it was better than Tim Horton’s Museum of Awesomeness and Institute for Advanced Research?? Because that was a special moment we shared together!
S1 You’re breaking his heart.
P1: No, listen. The first part she presented her PhD research on information seeking models and then we made our own. I was working with K**, C3, and some girl I didn’t know…
S2: C3? C3? *storms out*
J1: You seem like the kind of person who wouldn’t want to bring children into this cruel world.
P1: I want to teach them to hate the same things I hate.
S1: he wants to have minions, not children.
--Various, what if they disagree with you, become uber-religious speculations--
P1: So long as they’re not Baptists.
…S2: What if they become Republicans?
P1: They’re going to be disowned for living in the States first of all.
March 18, 2008: I feel like I could relate to Homer Simpson!
K1 Think about cats.
C: Why would I be talking about funding allocation to cats?
K1: Cat accountants.
J1: The thing about PhD candidates is that they've been researching something for 3 years, then somebody finally wants to hear about it...the words "captive audience" take on a whole new meaning...
S7: The worst one was that one, what was it, "The red carnation." It's like, 'what the hell is this, a blind date?!' Some management asshole was like, 'oooh, case studies; creative writing: my only chance!
J1: I was reading on CBC about these people who enter contests like monkeys...this one lady won, like, $40 000 in a year. Because they enter like everything they can find. It's like a job. It's ruined people's marriages...
-That was in undergrad; they used to talk about suicide as the one fundamental expression of individuality..
J5: They just didn't want to mark your term papers.
J3: It's an important point to make!
K2: It is! You don't just make wild accusations when it comes to poisonous gas.
R3: Friday night we hit every major bar in Kingston.
K2: Slash gas station.
R3: It took about four hours...
C: She says 'quick & dirty' all the time and it's just not right!
J3: Yeah, that's not a phrase you'd want a professor to say.
J5: MN would say that too.
C: Oh god...
J5: He'd put on the projector because he doesn't use Powerpoint and he'd turn down the lights, and he'd say 'imagine some tinkling music and a waiter coming around with martinis'...and then he'd put up an index from 1960.
S5: What class is this?
K1: Hell. Introduction to hell.
M1: I don't know if mine makes sense, but...
K1: Well, mine makes grammatical sense...
K1; Mine is called 'What is a Portal and What is it Good for?'
S5: That's a good title.
S1: My case study was called 'Dealing with Duff.'
S5: You really have to find your amusement where you can.
K1: I was really trying to think of things involving portals. Like 'it's importalant...'
S1: I keep waiting for someone to start screaming in class, like, crazy person things, and rip all their clothes off and run out...
B4: I already make punching motions at things.
S1: I'm going to have stories to tell at home. And no one's going to believe me.
K1: He is certainly a caricature of himself.
S1: I actually drew a cartoon of him once.
K1: I can't sit there today. I will be the person tearing off my clothes screaming.
S1: Well, that's worth going to class for. I want to see people throwing faeces, and making monkey noises.
S1: I used to read shitloads! I was an English major! And now I laugh at stupid jokes! I'm like Cro-Magnon man!
S2: Yeah, library school deadens the mind...
S1: I feel like I could relate to Homer Simpson!
S1: Why does that sound so dirty to me?
C: I don't know, but I don't want to know what you do with onions.
S1: No, not that one, the berry-picking one.
C: I would call that indecision.
S1: I would call that 'skinning the cat.'
C: .. Can it be a different animal?
Bartlett: At the time there were all these gathering in the forest metaphors for information retrieval. There was foraging, I still don't know what that one was, berry-picking...
C: ...clear-cutting, tree-hugging...
S1: ...becoming one with nature...
Bartlett: and you'd get blueberries from one bush and cherries from another...
S1: ..popping cherries...I'm going to call this the popping cherries method.
G: Nobody fails library school.
S1: I hope so. I would hate to be the person who failed library school.
C: You'd be my hero.
S1: I wasn't allowed to watch t.v. more than an hour each day,
C: A whole hour?! Every day?!
G: You know what they say, if life gives you lemons, it treats your scurvy.
S1: She says it's calcification.
C: That's disgusting.
S1: I know. My hand has a nipple.
P1: "I am often late." Does it count if I don't show up at all?
A1: Do you ever look at people when they're smiling and think 'Now I understand what the phrase 'shit-eating grin' comes from?'...no, C, I'm trying to talk to you!
C: ...no, I don't. I don't know what that phrase means.
A1: Oh, I do. You know when your dog comes in after he's been snacking in the kitty litter box and he's just so happy...
C: ...and I think I only went to one after reading week and I missed two the week after...
P1: You're a badass now. All the bad boys will be hitting on you now. They'll be like, "Hey, C, want a cigarette?' And you'll be like, 'Heey..."
C: I never really understood the appeal of inhaling carcinogens.
P1: Me neither. It's like, NASCAR. George Carlin's definition of NASCAR: 'fast cars, slow brains.'
P1: Oh my god, Stephen Hawking is trapped in our laptop!
S5: You guys are actually looking up dead kittens?
P1: No, we already looked up dead kittens. Now we're looking up 'two girls one cup.'
P1: How many of those words just turned you on?
*C holds up 4 fingers*
P1: She said 'semiotics' earlier. You didn't budge.
C: I felt a rush.
P1: You know what's great about geeks like you?
C: Everything.
P1: Besides that..You're introverted, so you don't need to raise your hand forty times a class. You might have an opinion on everything, but you don't need to foist it on everyone.
V: My sister's cat has giant balls, and even though they fixed him, they're still there, but they're deflated, it's like they just emptied them. Is that what they do? I thought they cut them off.
J1: I don't think they castrate them...
S5: I'm really excited about showering. That's my definition of success, right now: I had time to shower. I brushed my teeth.
V: I can't believe I used the word 'trip' to describe...
P1: Yeah, like 'You came out of me. Your head is too big for your body. Stop drooling.'
E: Yeah, all the rice in the world is fertilized with...human shit. We have the best poo. It kind of makes me proud.
P1: Check this out. A man did $40 000 in damage while running around naked.
C: Why would I be talking about funding allocation to cats?
K1: Cat accountants.
J1: The thing about PhD candidates is that they've been researching something for 3 years, then somebody finally wants to hear about it...the words "captive audience" take on a whole new meaning...
S7: The worst one was that one, what was it, "The red carnation." It's like, 'what the hell is this, a blind date?!' Some management asshole was like, 'oooh, case studies; creative writing: my only chance!
J1: I was reading on CBC about these people who enter contests like monkeys...this one lady won, like, $40 000 in a year. Because they enter like everything they can find. It's like a job. It's ruined people's marriages...
-That was in undergrad; they used to talk about suicide as the one fundamental expression of individuality..
J5: They just didn't want to mark your term papers.
J3: It's an important point to make!
K2: It is! You don't just make wild accusations when it comes to poisonous gas.
R3: Friday night we hit every major bar in Kingston.
K2: Slash gas station.
R3: It took about four hours...
C: She says 'quick & dirty' all the time and it's just not right!
J3: Yeah, that's not a phrase you'd want a professor to say.
J5: MN would say that too.
C: Oh god...
J5: He'd put on the projector because he doesn't use Powerpoint and he'd turn down the lights, and he'd say 'imagine some tinkling music and a waiter coming around with martinis'...and then he'd put up an index from 1960.
S5: What class is this?
K1: Hell. Introduction to hell.
M1: I don't know if mine makes sense, but...
K1: Well, mine makes grammatical sense...
K1; Mine is called 'What is a Portal and What is it Good for?'
S5: That's a good title.
S1: My case study was called 'Dealing with Duff.'
S5: You really have to find your amusement where you can.
K1: I was really trying to think of things involving portals. Like 'it's importalant...'
S1: I keep waiting for someone to start screaming in class, like, crazy person things, and rip all their clothes off and run out...
B4: I already make punching motions at things.
S1: I'm going to have stories to tell at home. And no one's going to believe me.
K1: He is certainly a caricature of himself.
S1: I actually drew a cartoon of him once.
K1: I can't sit there today. I will be the person tearing off my clothes screaming.
S1: Well, that's worth going to class for. I want to see people throwing faeces, and making monkey noises.
S1: I used to read shitloads! I was an English major! And now I laugh at stupid jokes! I'm like Cro-Magnon man!
S2: Yeah, library school deadens the mind...
S1: I feel like I could relate to Homer Simpson!
S1: Why does that sound so dirty to me?
C: I don't know, but I don't want to know what you do with onions.
S1: No, not that one, the berry-picking one.
C: I would call that indecision.
S1: I would call that 'skinning the cat.'
C: .. Can it be a different animal?
Bartlett: At the time there were all these gathering in the forest metaphors for information retrieval. There was foraging, I still don't know what that one was, berry-picking...
C: ...clear-cutting, tree-hugging...
S1: ...becoming one with nature...
Bartlett: and you'd get blueberries from one bush and cherries from another...
S1: ..popping cherries...I'm going to call this the popping cherries method.
G: Nobody fails library school.
S1: I hope so. I would hate to be the person who failed library school.
C: You'd be my hero.
S1: I wasn't allowed to watch t.v. more than an hour each day,
C: A whole hour?! Every day?!
G: You know what they say, if life gives you lemons, it treats your scurvy.
S1: She says it's calcification.
C: That's disgusting.
S1: I know. My hand has a nipple.
P1: "I am often late." Does it count if I don't show up at all?
A1: Do you ever look at people when they're smiling and think 'Now I understand what the phrase 'shit-eating grin' comes from?'...no, C, I'm trying to talk to you!
C: ...no, I don't. I don't know what that phrase means.
A1: Oh, I do. You know when your dog comes in after he's been snacking in the kitty litter box and he's just so happy...
C: ...and I think I only went to one after reading week and I missed two the week after...
P1: You're a badass now. All the bad boys will be hitting on you now. They'll be like, "Hey, C, want a cigarette?' And you'll be like, 'Heey..."
C: I never really understood the appeal of inhaling carcinogens.
P1: Me neither. It's like, NASCAR. George Carlin's definition of NASCAR: 'fast cars, slow brains.'
P1: Oh my god, Stephen Hawking is trapped in our laptop!
S5: You guys are actually looking up dead kittens?
P1: No, we already looked up dead kittens. Now we're looking up 'two girls one cup.'
P1: How many of those words just turned you on?
*C holds up 4 fingers*
P1: She said 'semiotics' earlier. You didn't budge.
C: I felt a rush.
P1: You know what's great about geeks like you?
C: Everything.
P1: Besides that..You're introverted, so you don't need to raise your hand forty times a class. You might have an opinion on everything, but you don't need to foist it on everyone.
V: My sister's cat has giant balls, and even though they fixed him, they're still there, but they're deflated, it's like they just emptied them. Is that what they do? I thought they cut them off.
J1: I don't think they castrate them...
S5: I'm really excited about showering. That's my definition of success, right now: I had time to shower. I brushed my teeth.
V: I can't believe I used the word 'trip' to describe...
P1: Yeah, like 'You came out of me. Your head is too big for your body. Stop drooling.'
E: Yeah, all the rice in the world is fertilized with...human shit. We have the best poo. It kind of makes me proud.
P1: Check this out. A man did $40 000 in damage while running around naked.
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